Election Fever

I’ve been a little pre-occupied with my other ‘interest’ recently. Have been so busy that I’ve not even been reading the newspapers nor watching TV except for a couple of soccer matches! AND I’ve not been chatting much online too! So naturally, I have not been thinking very hard too about what to write on my blog. Yup! I did not post anything yesterday. Sorry if I disappointed some of you.

But today, I’ve got something to talk about. I felt I just had to write about the forthcoming election in Singapore. I see so many posters, flyers, newsletters everywhere in my house, around my estate. I must say something!

The incumbent PAP team in my estate is facing the challenge from an opposition party…now is that SDP or SDA? Hmmm…my brother says it’s the SDA. Whatever. Anyway, when I saw the faces of their candidates on the poster, I told myself, cannot make it lah, please! Ok, maybe it’s not fair for me to 以貌取人 (judge a book by it’s cover). But honestly, my MPs have been doing a good job at my estate so why would I want to take the risk of changing to another team of untested opposition MPs?

My current MPs have been managing my estate so well maintaining its cleanliness, upgrading our housing, improving our parks and recreational amenities so regularly. The footpath at the park where I go for my jogs, they just re-surfaced it. My senior citizen mum has also been so pampered and kept busy by the grassroots leaders, attending numerous parties, posh dinners and outings week after week at highly subsidised rates. What more do I want to ask for? I’ve got complaints about some of my neighbours but not my MPs!

When I was younger, I used to be very unhappy with our ruling party. I felt we were so stifled, so controlled. We were being treated like kids and led by our nose all the time. So when I had to vote then, I would spoil my votes, just to get my point across. But in recent years, I do really think about who I want to take care of me and my estate. I appreciate people’s effort, not sure if it’s the MPs’ or the grassroots’ but they are in this together so I show my support and appreciation by voting for them. So you people know who I’m voting this time. Shhhhh...my vote is a secret...so don’t say to anyone ok?

Oh ya...a friend has told me she’s so keen to listen to these candidates at the rallies. For me, most of these rallies are opportunities for jesting and poking at each other’s mistakes. A lot of empty promises too from both sides. I think more time could be spent by these candidates through genuine, sincere actions we can see for ourselves rather than just shouting them out at rallies.

The above is just my personal opinion and may not be applicable to all political candidates. I no longer think politics interest me. I just want peace and harmony in my country. Oh...if any political party continues to want to give me some money before an election, I don’t mind receiving those extra cash! :))

Just Let Go

Do everything with a mind that lets go. Do not expect any praise or reward. If you let go a little, you will have a little peace. If you let go a lot, you will have a lot of peace. If you let go completely, you will know complete peace and freedom. Your struggles with the world will have come to an end. ~ Ajahn Chah

Easier said than done right? I’m trying to let go a little at a time but sometimes, I get so caught up in my circumstances, I get confused and forgot how to let go. I would then have to start all over again. Sigh!...now I know the feeling of those climbers who try to reach the peak of Mount Everest. It’s a long, long journey to the top! Don’t think I’m going to surrender as yet. I just hope I still have the energy to keep picking myself up when I fall to the foot of the hill each time.

Am I clinging on or am I letting go?

A Chicken or A Duck

Since someone has mentioned about the chicken and duck story, I might as well post it for the benefit of all. It’s also from Ajahn Brahm but now told in my style because I don’t have his book with me! XD

Once, there was an old loving couple who went on a nature walk together, they have been married for a long long time. Anyone who sees these two together will know what it means to be truly, deeply in love with each other. They make an effort to find time for each other, doing things together, fostering greater understanding and love with every moment they spent together. Even after all these years, they look each other in the eyes like newly weds. (My writing addiction seems to have started…haha!)

Anyway, one Sunday, while they were enjoying the nice sunny weather at a nature park, they heard a sound, “quack…quack…quack, quack.” The husband said to the wife, “Ah…the sound of a duck!” The wife turned around and stared at him, “What duck? That was a chicken!” The husband was so astonished, he replied “My dear, that obviously was the sound of a duck!” His wife could not believe her ears. “Honey, now don’t be silly! It was the sound of a chicken, anyone would have recognised that was a chicken!”

The husband stopped in his tracks, looked at his wife quizzically and asked, “Darling, is there something wrong with your ears today? We just heard the duck went ‘quack, quack‘. How can that be the sound of a chicken?” His wife was getting impatient with this nonsense and said, “Dear, there’s nothing wrong with my ears and I am absolutely certain the ‘quacking’ sound was from a chicken!”

Our old couple kept arguing and arguing about the sound they heard, both insisting that they’ve got perfect hearing so they can’t possibly be wrong! As they both argued until 面紅耳赤 (flushed or red in the face), the husband suddenly stopped. He saw anger and frustration on the face of his wife which he had never seen before. His heart went soft…his face muscles relaxed…his frown was gone. He looked deeply into his wife’s eyes and said to her, “My darling, I am so sorry. That was indeed a chicken we heard. My mistake and I’m sorry it has made you so upset! Will you forgive me?”

His wife’s face immediately broke into a smile and she replied sweetly to him, “Honey, of course I forgive you. You know I love you, why would I be upset with a little mistake like that?” The husband smiled.

And then they heard the sound again, “quack, quack, quack…quack!” Yes, that was the sound of a chicken, a chicken indeed.

So you guys know the moral of the story? Why argue over the most mundane things in life. Whether the ‘quack’ or ‘chick’ sound, is it really that important to you? The chicken never asked to be called a chicken but we human decided to call it a chicken. A duck also did not asked to be called a duck but we didn’t care and just labelled it duck! It’s a sound after all!

So when we get into an argument with anyone, just look at them in their eyes and think of the love and care you have for them. Is it really so important for you to be right? The answer is no. Well, I just did something like that today. And I’m so proud of myself. I’m much much happier now.

Poo is Good

For the first time in several years, I can’t sleep. Rather than toss and turn on my bed I decided to post something on my blog.

I’ve been thinking about my recent ‘bad’ situation. Then I kept hearing Ajahn Brahm’s voice reminding me about how useful dog poo can be. He said when we accidentally step on dog poo, most people will get upset about it and keep complaining how dirty it is, how bad the smell is. Everywhere we go, the dirt, the bad smell goes with us and we’ll leave traces of it with every step we make.

On the other hand, we can look at dog poo from a more positive perspective. Dog poo is after all a useful natural fertiliser. If we treat it with respect, bring it back and put it under our mango tree, we can actually use it to help our mango tree grow and produce sweet, lovely mangoes.

So instead of complaining and lamenting about our bad situation, we should make use of it to help us, the mango tree, mature and bear beautiful, succulent fruits in the future. So I’m going to put down my dog poo where it’s useful and not carry it with me everywhere I go. Otherwise the smell and the dirt will take a long time to go away.

I allowed my mind to move in my bad situation. But it is now my good situation. I got distracted but I’m not going to let my mango tree get neglected and become weak. I’ll take good care of it and make sure it bear fruits for me!

Am I making any sense here? I’m all blurry eyed now…Shall try and get some sleep again…

Weak At Heart

As far as I can remember, I’ve been told my fortune only twice in my life and both fortune tellers told me the main health problem I’ll have to take note in my life is my heart. I know it is silly to believe these people but I’ve actually been monitoring my heart a little. Like when I drank two cups of coffee at one go, I noticed my heart palpitating and I couldn’t focus on what I was doing.

When I completed my jog this morning, I felt something not right in me but couldn’t tell what was wrong. I felt weak and a little out of breath. Hyper-ventilation? I don’t know. It just didn’t feel right. Throughout the entire day, even now as I write, I feel weak and tired. My whole body seems to ache. Maybe I’m just physically tired. Could it be stress? Insufficient sleep? Or a bout of flu is about to hit me? Too much blogging? I’m clueless.

While chatting with a friend today, I told her about my condition and suspicion. I told her if she doesn’t see me online for a while, maybe something had happened to me. My heart may have failed. She got worried. Well, we never know for sure right? It is possible. I do remember I almost blacked out once in the shower after a squash game. So I am not joking about my heart condition. I have reasons for my suspicion.

When I was teaching tonight, I didn’t have the energy as last week. I was a little impatient and it showed when the twins weren’t focussing. I kind of raised my voice a little and the only girl in the class noticed. She seems to be the only one who notices my mood. Hmmm...females are more sensitive huh?

Anyway, I was teaching the class possessive nouns and the twins just couldn’t get it. For regular plural nouns which end with an ‘s’, I told them to add an apostrophe (’) and for singular nouns, add an apostrophe ‘s’ (‘s) but they just could not get it! One of them wrote the apostrophe on top of the ‘s’. Then he wrote the apostrophe in the wrong direction like (‘). He also had the tendency to write the ‘s’ first before the apostrophe...a sign of dyslexia? Looks like it to me. Patience…patience…I kept telling myself.

Around 7.45pm, when I was about to give up teaching and just wanted to drill them on their mutiplication table, a volunteer came in to help. Phew…! Thanks Ying Li, you really saved me. I was so relieved. Finally I could sit down to have a rest. The last 45 minutes passed quickly, lessons ended. Thank goodness.

As I’m writing my blog now, I noticed I kept burping. Now could it be gas instead? Yup, maybe it’s my gastric. I just took my blood pressure and it read 125/85 and pulse was 72. It’s normal right? So maybe it’s gastric lah! Whatever…Please don’t ask me to go see a doctor ok? I’m one of those who avoid doctors as far as possible.

ps: I really am very weak at heart…really. I’ve been exhausted by an unhappy incident recently. I’m managing it and have put it down but it has taken a toll on my heart. I guess I can’t take emotional stress as well as I thought I could…Strong on the outside but weak on the inside. My weakness. Now you know.

Ok, I’m going to sleep now. So…so…tired. Goodnight everyone.

I’m Still Learning My English

I mentioned yesterday about how impressed I was with the talents of SF fans. Well, two versions of Saving Face sequel are currently being written by fans. An English version was started by a Vietnamese American fan a while back. A Chinese version has recently been churned out by a Taiwanese fan. As a fellow SF fan, I feel so thrilled and fortunate that there are people willing to spend time writing sequels to a movie I’m so crazy about. These people really surprise me with the scripts they come up with! What imagination they have! Our kids here should learn from these people.

To help contribute to the SF community, I’ve started translating the Taiwanese version into English for those fans who don’t read Chinese. Unfortunately, my Chinese grammar is so bad, I don’t dare attempt to translate the English version into Chinese for the fans.

When I first started translating, I felt a little stressed trying to get the writer’s idea across as close as possible in English. But as I progressed, surprisingly, the task got easier and hey, I was enjoying my task!

You guys are probably thinking I’m mad to be wasting my time on such things but surprise, surprise! With this new assignment, I find that I am actually learning Chinese as well as brushing up on my English. I’ve been checking through my pile of dictionaries, English, Chinese, English to Chinese, Chinese to English…I think my English vocabulary is really improving! Words that I wasn’t sure about in the past, now I’m more certain after checking their meanings in the dictionary. Words that I know but not sure how to apply, now I’m using them in the script. Isn’t that great?

The Chinese saying 活到老学到老 is so true. I always felt my English needs improving and now I am given the opportunity to do so! A bit strange kind of G-plan but it still is my G-plan!

Lastly, if you have been wondering about those strange outbursts by a friend in the shoutbox? This friend seems to be very supportive of the writer from her home country. She got upset when I shared with her there’s now a competition going on. A competition I felt will bring out the best between the writers. I also mentioned the first version had too many sexual urges which I didn’t like and could not understand so I kind of preferred the Taiwan version which was closer to a continuation of the original script by Alice Wu. Well, she felt I was talking behind other people’s back so I repeated my comments in the writer’s blog. Hope she’s happy about it now. Like I say, no need for me to lie. If I’ve said it, it has to be the truth. I don’t believe nor practise paying lip service to people.

Whether I eat mangoes or oranges, I think if I’m the one eating them and putting them in my stomach, I should have the right to say which I prefer. The truth is, I like mangoes but that does not mean I can’t eat oranges, right? And by eating oranges I’m being unfaithful to my mangoes? That would be funny, very funny…

Nothing is Beneath You

Have you noticed the new generation seems to be getting more talented, more daring, more vocal than before? From those never-ending talent programmes on TV, we can see that almost everyone can sing or perform today with so much self confidence. Speaking up no longer seems to be a problem anymore. In fact, the real challenge is trying to get them not to speak up unnecessarily!

During my school days, I always needed a lot of courage to speak up in class and got cold sweat when I had to make a presentation or address a big group of people. Everyone was so shy and timid then, so afraid of saying the wrong thing, of losing face but not today’s youngsters. They will voice their opinions so readily and openly without any reservation.

You people know I am an SF and MK fan. Well, I’ve been most impressed by those young fans. From the blogs they create to the scripts they write, their creativity and talents just amaze me! Kudos to Michelle Krusiec as well for being a positive influence on these youths with her inspiring messages. She once told her fans to “...continue to express yourself and always make decisions based on happiness rather than expectations.”

Prior to my blogging, the only kind of writing I’ve done was probably the compositions and academic essays in school so this form of writing is really a first for me. Now if I can start writing, so can all of you! Hahaha!...I’m not say my writing is great! I’m happy to write and hope you guys have been enjoying what I’ve written so far and feel encouraged enough to also start your own blogs.

F. Scott Fitzgerald said, “Nothing is beneath you if it is in the direction of your life.”

If you think you’ve got some hidden talent, don’t hide it, start sharing it now! If you’ve been bottling a lot of thoughts and ideas, why keep them bottled up? Start blogging now! You should know my famous phrase by now, Just Do It! By the way, this phrase wasn’t created by the makers of Nike. Zen Masters have been using it for hundreds of years way before Nike was born!

Life’s a Roller Coaster Ride

Life is so unpredictable, so full of ups and downs, it’s like riding a roller coaster. Despite saying recently how beautiful my life was, I too hit a rough patch yesterday. I said something stupid in the morning while chatting with two friends. The remark made one of them blow her top. She was so furious no amount of apologies could placate her. I really felt lousy and confused after that. I tried to put the thought down but putting it down was tough this time, real tough! I’ve never felt so lousy for a long long time. But I practised hard to put it down.

I focussed on writing my blog entry on blood types and traits. After that I had to rush off to my voluntary work. I had to meet my new challenges...the twins will be joining the rest of the kids for the first time. They are at ease with me but not with the rest so I was a bit worried. Ya, they were very aloof and unfriendly initially but after some warming up, they were ok. Lesson was a bit slow for them but I think we’ll make progress, a little at a time. They were unwilling to participate in the badminton game after our lessons but with some persuasion, they finally did. With the help of my fellow volunteers, I think we can and will be able to make a difference to the lives of these two boys. Let’s do our best for them!

After lessons, me and a few volunteers went to a friend’s place for a round of mahjong. We started playing this game together only last Saturday. No one in my family will believe I am actually playing mahjong now! A favourite among my family members and other relatives, I don’t usually participate in this game because I find it a waste of time strategising the 13 tiles laid out in front of me. I always feel my grey matter can be put to better use in something more intellectual. I also get a backache if I sit for too long at the mahjong table. Anyway, I’ve been on a winning streak so maybe that will keep my mind away from my back pain and remain interested in the game! Friends, thanks for helping me raise my Europe trip fund!

After the game, I went back home to catch a football match. Liverpool was playing Chelsea in an FA Cup semi-final match. The FA Cup is the last chance for Liverpool to win a trophy this season so it was one of those do-or-die games and boy was it exciting! I was delighted when Liverpool led 2-0 and I was biting my nails when Chelsea pulled one back to make it 2-1. But thank goodness with some perseverance and luck, my favourite team won the game after playing 90 minutes of regular time plus 5 minutes of injury time! Yes! Liverpool kicked Chelsea’s butt! Yahooooo! That should humble the arrogant Jose Mourinho.

By the time the game ended, it was like past 2am. I took out my iBook to check on my mails and login to my MSN. Haha...a friend was online so we chat. She was surprised I wasn’t asleep yet ’cause normally we chat when it’s past midnight on her side of the world while it’s day time on mine. This time it was the reversal. We had a nice chat until like 4am when she got hungry and had to eat. She told me to go to bed...hahaha! That’s normally my line. I always had to tell her “Go sleep now!”...The ironies of life. Funny isn’t it.?

You may be wondering why I’m writing like a mundane diary of what happened yesterday? Not quite what you’ll find in my blog so far. Well, this morning, I read the papers and saw a touching article on Joan Chan, a fellow Rafflesian diagnosed with tongue cancer. She has been blogging at home while fighting her war against cancer. I felt that I should try to log down my life as much as possible so that if I should die, people will know what I did just before I died and I want friends of mine to know that I’ve lived my life to the fullest, right to my dying day! So make sure you guys keep visiting my blog, ok?

Oh ya...my life is still beautiful after my roller coaster ride. I forgot I got a weak heart when I sat in the roller coaster. But my condition has stablised now. Don’t worry! Will avoid roller coasters as far as possible now. :)

Blood Types and Their Traits

I’ve been so preoccupied with work, teaching, blogging, chatting online, dust has gathered on the pile of dvds in my room. Time to clear some of them, I reminded myself, so I watched a Korean movie, ‘My Boyfriend is Type B’ while commuting on the train this week.

Initially, I thought this was going to be another silly Korean love story. Well it’s a bit silly but enjoyable and I learnt something new from the movie. I actually discovered more about myself through this movie.

The storyline goes like this...Type A gal meets and falls in love with Type B guy. Type A girl’s cousin runs a matchmaking agency and matches couples by blood types. So according to this expert, Type A and Type B are opposites in their traits so they cannot and should not be together.

The cousin posed a question at the Type B guy in the show.

If you discover your spouse committing adultery, what would you do?
1. Pull out a sword and charge into the room.
2. Put your hand on the door handle and hesitate outside the room.
3. Make a hole in the door (paper door used in olden days) and peek through the hole.
4. Call the police and sue the couple for committing adultery.

Pick an answer and see if it is accurate in telling your blood type.
Answer 1: you are O type
Answer 2: you are A type
Answer 3: you are AB type
Answer 4: you are B type

I’m sure you people will be curious as to my answer but it can only be found at the end of this post!

At this juncture, I thought it would be useful to provide some information on blood types & their traits:

Type O – The Warrior
trendsetter
loyal
passionate
self-confident
independent
ambitious
vain
jealous

Famous O’s
Queen Elizabeth II, John Lennon, Elvis Presley, Liam & Noel Gallagher, Paul Newman

Type A – The Farmer
calm
patient
sensitive
responsible
overcautious
stubborn
unable to relax

Famous A’s
Adolf Hitler, George Bush Senior, Soseki Natsume, Ringo Starr, Britney Spears

Type B – The Hunter
individualist
dislike custom
strong
optimistic
creative
flexible
wild
unpredictable

Famous B’s
Akira Kurosawa, Paul McCartney, Mia Farrow, Leonardo Di Caprio, Jack Nicholson

Type AB – The Humanist
cool
controlled
rational
sociable
popular
critical
sometimes standoffish
indecisive

Famous AB’s
Jackie Chan, Marilyn Monroe, John F Kennedy, Mick Jagger, Alain Prost

Above info lifted from www.japanvisitor.com

Well, now for my answer to that earlier question. I chose ‘Answer 2’ and my blood type is really A+! Haha!

I feel like a farmer and can relate to some of the traits described above for blood type A. It was mentioned in the movie that Type A people are possessive and will want to lock up their partners in a cell. Frankly, I think I’m that kind of person in a way. If I’m in a relationship, I will put my 100% into it and would expect nothing less than 100% from my partner. Any form of infidelity will not be tolerated. So if I can’t find this 100% partner, I don’t think I can be in any serious relationship. Friends keep telling me it’s not possible to find that ‘100% perfect’ guy and I know. So now you understand why I’m still single huh?

But let’s not indulge in this. Do take it with a pinch of salt like when we read our horoscopes and star signs. Our life is still very much dependent on how we want and make it to be. It’s all in our hands despite our G-plans.

Someone Else’s Kids

This title is not my creation. I find it most appropriate for my post tonight so I’m just borrowing it from Torey Hayden who wrote a book I read last year by that same title.

I started teaching two new students last night. Two repeat Primary 6 pupils and they are twins. When I first interviewed them last Saturday, they looked so unfriendly and rude. There wasn’t any eye contact when I spoke to them. One looked to the left while the other looked to the right! Their answers to my questions were also pretty rude. I was quite surprised and upset by their behaviour because I expect some level of respect from my students when I speak to them.

Anyway, I accepted them as my students but told them we don’t create miracles at the centre but we’ll try our best to help them. So last night they joined in my lesson. I was in for a surprise.

They were unable to handle the work I assigned them. I had to explain and give them the answers for every single question. Even when they knew the answers, they were not able to write them down without my help. Everything I said to them, they repeated it. They also kept repeating what they said so I got puzzled.

These two students showed clear signs of learning difficulty. I don’t understand how their problem can be allowed to go unnoticed by their school and the teachers who taught them for the last six years.

They were also behaving differently from my other students. They kept standing up and walking towards me. I had to keep telling them to sit down. Strangely enough, by my temperament, I would have flared up by the second or third time they did it but I did not. Maybe because I knew that they were not doing it on purpose. They probably didn’t even know what they were doing.

Throughout the entire lesson, I was pleasantly surprised they were not rude to me. Not a single moment. In fact, they were overly polite and formal.

These two boys, I suspect are autistic. When I got home last night, I quickly forwarded my observation to the staff from the centre. This morning, she checked on the internet symptoms of autism and confirmed the two boys face learning difficulties linked to autism.

As their problems would be beyond us at the tuition centre, their parents were immediately informed and tonight they came down for a meeting to discuss the next course of action.

I was at another meeting so I did not speak to the parents. But I was told they were devastated when they heard the news. The mum broke down and cried. My heart ached when I heard this. This family is already facing some financial problems, have to take care of a mother who suffered a stroke and now they have to face another issue, to accept the fact that their kids have an inborn learning problem. Quite a lot to handle at one go huh? It’s definitely going to be tough.

They’ve been advised to quickly get a referral letter from the school to conduct a professional assessment on their kids’ condition so that they can get the best help and education for their special needs.

In the meantime, I’ve told the staff, I don’t mind if they join in my Saturday classes. I think some form of social activities and one-to-one teaching from my fellow volunteers will help these two kids in their development.

I was told they enjoyed my class very much last night. Probably because I kept explaining to them without losing my cool and cracked a few jokes in between. I suspect they may have been neglected in school and were reprimanded everytime they ‘misbehaved’. Well, as long as it is within my means, I will continue to help them. But my fellow volunteers, if you are reading this, I’ll need all the help I can get from you as well!

So let’s all try to put in a little effort...to help someone else’s kids!

Another happy but tiring day has passed... :)

Raffles Girls’ Secondary School

I was asking a friend last night what else can I write to make my blog more interesting. Suddenly today, I realised I’ve not talked about my alma mater yet! My RGS friends will accuse me of lying if I don’t start writing now! Lure them here to read my blog then don’t see anything on RGS, what is this?

Ok people, today I’ll just write a little introduction. Slowly lah! I’ve not scanned all my pictures yet so got to do this in stages...

RGS - Part 1

One of the best times of my life has got to be the four years of secondary school life in RGS. How fortunate I was to have made it to this great school despite scoring average PSLE results in RGPS. To be honest, at 12 years of age, I didn‘t know what it meant to be able to make it to a school with a history dating back to 1880. But the moment a student enters RGS’ school gates, never will she forget she was part of this proud tradition.

I remember clearly we were made to learn the school song right on the day of our orientation, even before we had purchased our school books and uniform. All of us were there in either our primary school uniforms or home clothes. The school choir was assembled in the hall to help us learn the school song then and there.

Just in case many of you Rafflesians can’t remember the entire school song, I’m putting it here to help refresh your memory. Let’s all sing it together one more time. Stand up and sing it with pride please!

RGS School Song

From high olympus flows to us a glory
On us the sacred fire descends
Rise, sister rise, the world is all before ye
Fear not to grasp what fortune sends

Chorus:
Sisters in learning and sisters at heart
Life lies before us, here’s luck to the start

A little while the sun shines high above us
And youth’s elixir fills our veins
The magic fire that moves the gods to love us
The fire by which the will attains

So heart to heart we’ll scale the heights of learning
No mean desire our days shall shame
Whole-hearted true, with pride and ardour burning
On, sisters, on to life and fame.


Filiae Melioris Aevi - Daughters of a Better Age
Did you Rafflesians remember those words?

I was rummaging through my boxes for old pictures and I found the following lyrics in the programme for ‘An Evening of Music’. Justina Nathan was the head prefect then and compere for the concert. I really got goosebumps when I read it!


My gosh! The message was right there so long ago but I was so blind then, I see it only now...Talk about G-plans! Well, it’s never too late! Life is truly amazing isn’t it?

Teachings from Ajahn Chah (1918 - 1992)

Ajahn Chah – a great meditation teacher who influenced a lot of Americans, just like ZMSS. Many travelled all the way to his forest monastery, Wat Pah Pong, in Northern Thailand to learn from him. Ajahn Brahm was one of them.

Here are some words from the great teacher to be shared:

On Body:
“Conditions don’t belong to us. They follow their own natural course. We can’t do anything about the way the body is. We can beautify it a little, make it look attractive and clean for a while, like the young girls who paint their lips and let their nails grow long but when old age arrives, everyone is in the same boat. That is the way the body is. We can’t make it any other way. But what we can improve and beautify is the mind.”

On Breath:
“There are people who are born and die and never once are aware of their breath going in and out of their body. That’s how far away they live from themselves.”

On Heart & Mind:
“If your mind is happy, then you are happy anywhere you go. When wisdom awakens within you, you will see Truth wherever you look. Truth is all there is. It’s like when you’ve learned how to read – you can read anywhere you go.”

“Look at your mind. The one who carries things thinks he’s got things but the one who looks on only sees the heaviness. Throw away things, lose them, and find lightness.”

“Defilements are distressed. It’s not that the mind is distressed! We don’t know what our mind and defilements are. Whatever we aren’t satisfied with, we just don’t want anything to do with it. Our way of life is not difficult. What’s difficult is not being satisfied, not agreeing with it. Our defilements are the difficulties.”

On Impermanence:
“Conditions exist through change. You can’t prevent it. Just think, could you exhale without inhaling? Would it feel good? Or could you just inhale? We want things to be permanent but that can’t be. It’s impossible.”

“If you know that all things are impermanent, all your thinking will gradually unwind and you won’t need to think too much. Whenever anything arises, all you need to say is, “Oh, another one!” Just that!”

“What can we take for certain? Nothing! There’s nothing but feelings. Sufferings arises, stay, then passes away. Then happiness replaces suffering – only this. Outside of this, there is nothing. But we are lost people running and grabbing at feelings continuously. Feelings are not real, only changes.”

Buddy Talk

Ok, no Zen teachings, no jokes today. This post is specially dedicated to my two RGS buddies, one of whom is returning to Deventer, The Netherlands in about 20 hours time.

It’s been a long long time since we had such nice chats face to face, updating each other on our lives. I really enjoyed every moment spent with you in the past few weeks. I think we shared more in those few weeks than we did the last 5 years combined!

Yes, you did surprise me big time with what you said tonight. And ya, quite tough to put it down, really tough! You shocked me and I’m still shaking my head in disbelief...tsk...tsk...tsk! Now what other surprises do you have in store for me? Ummm...girls, please bear in mind I have a weak heart ok? Well, you can save the surprises till we three meet again. Soon right? Ms Chiang?

Hmmm...maybe I could surprise you two with a big one the next time! Heeheehee!

I love you two so please take good care of yourself...especially the one returning to Europe tomorrow!

Picture taken earlier tonight. I look terrible but what the heck, it’s me!

Putting It Down

This simple phrase has been so deeply embedded in me, it has changed my perspective of life. You can too if you want to.

We always encounter anxiety, frustration, worry, anger and stress in our everyday life and practising putting it down is one of the easiest way to tackle these conditions.

When someone makes us angry, we have the tendency to keep recalling what that person said, how hurtful the words were, how hateful that person was. The scene just keeps re-enacting in our mind and the more we think about it, the more furious we become. You literally feel like smacking that person! During such moments, I remind myself to observe my anger, I ask myself, “Where did that anger come from?” “Is it worth getting upset over such a matter?”

After I ask myself those questions, I realise my anger stops escalating, then it starts to decline. My face is less red. My body is less warm. The anger signal I’ve been sending to my brain stops. Anger actually causes a chemical imbalance in our mind and is probably one of the biggest culprits of cancer today. So don’t keep anger. Put it down, let it pass.

Yesterday, I learnt that one of my students has been missing school very often. She kept falling sick and complained of stomach cramps, a big sign of stress. Her thyroid condition coupled with not being able to cope with schoolwork has taken a toll on her. This poor girl is only 10 years old...sigh..sad isn’t it? Ok, I need to put my worries for her down. Instead, I will focus on how I can help her. I must usher some happiness into her life. I hope I can put a smile back on her face. Yes, that would be nice.

My life is so beautiful now. I am so happy everyday. The other day, I shared with a friend, I said everything I see is so beautiful and happy. I was jogging early in the morning, I saw the moon so big, round and bright, I smiled. I saw the grass so green and cheerful, I smiled too. Told that friend not to laugh but she went “Hahahahahahahah!” So rude! Told her not to laugh, yet she still laughed!.

Well, you are probably laughing too. Go ahead and laugh. Life is really, definitely beautiful!

Three Important Questions in Life

When is the most important time?
Who is the most important person?
What is the most important thing?

I heard this during one of Ajahn Brahm's public talks so I’m sharing it now.

Our day-to-day living is so hectic, so full of stress that we often get so muddle-headed, we lose track of what we’re thinking and lose sight of what we’re doing. These three great questions will jolt us out of our daydreaming, blindness and bring us back to reality.

When is the most important time?

Now. That’s the most important time of our lives. What has happened in the past is all gone. Nothing can be done to change that, no matter how hard you try. Whether it was a happy past you liked so much and want to keep with you forever, it’s all gone the moment it happened. If it was a sad and unhappy past that you hated and never want to keep with you, that is also all gone the moment it happened. So put it down, it’s all gone.

And what is going to happen in the future, we are never sure. In fact, we may never even know because no one knows if we will live beyond today, this moment. So dreaming of the future is also not wise. We must constantly remind ourselves to live in the present moment, now. Enjoy the now, treasure the now.

Who is the most important person?

You and the person you are with now. As we never know what is going to happen in the future, we must treasure and appreciate the person we are with right now, ourselves included. I always believe everyone of us is cosmically connected to be existing on this earth together so we must learn to accept every single person we come into contact with, even those strangers on the streets we don’t know. By making the person next to you the most important person at that moment, you will learn to be more tolerant, accepting.

What is the most important thing in life?

To love and care for the person you are with that moment. That’s the most important thing in life. We must learn to focus on the person we are with right now. Very often, we may be talking and listening to each other but our minds are actually dreaming away in some faraway lands. That’s rude! I’m also guilty of doing that all the time. We must learn to focus and give our entire attention to the person we are with that very moment. Only then we are sincere.

So people, don’t be with your partner and yet let your eyes and mind stray to the gorgeous girl or ‘帥’chap that just walked past. Remind yourself to give your 100% attention to the person you are with. This is a good way to help people maintain healthy, loving relationships.

Now I’m more conscious of my thoughts, I constantly tell myself not to have negative thoughts of the people around me. The person sitting next to me on the train is digging his nose and it irks me but I watch my thought and I let it pass. The person in front of me in a queue is smoking and irritating me. I also watch that thought and let it pass. Yes, the irritation, the opinion, still pops up but I try not to cling to it. I am learning to let it pass because he is the most important person at that moment and there’s a reason why I met him .

Love and care for the person you are with now, you yourself included!

ps: People, please note that Ajahn Brahm didn’t say all the above! I did. He explained the 3 questions differently. I just contemplate on them and applied it to my own situation.

Catching Up with My Buddies

I had dinner with my two RGS buddies again last night. I must apologise to them for being an hour late for the appointment. But I told them in advance I was going to be late as it’s rude to keep people waiting. So they had coffee and some apple crumble while waiting for me.

When I got there, my friend asked if I was late because I was busy at work or I was busy chatting online again. Well, I said both. I’ve been communicating with some friends on MSN a bit often recently and yes, my work got a little affected. I told them I’ve been lending my ears (or should I say my eyes, since it’s MSN messenger!) to someone troubled by a relationship. If I can be of help to anyone, I’ll try my best to help. Sometimes when we’re deep within a situation, we can’t see things clearly so to have someone seeing and analysing from the outside, the picture becomes clearer. Well, I do what I can to help and I think I'm being appreciated.

Anyway, what a great time we had last night, talking and sharing about our childhood days we never knew about. I shared about my childhood days in Tanglin Halt. I was always with my brothers and a couple other male cousins roaming the estate. We would do crazy things like placing big long nails on the railway track and collecting them hours later after they have been flattened by the train. The flattened nails looked like mini swords! Cool! Please be careful at the railway tracks if you want to try it out as well! :)

I also mentioned we used to chip in money to buy cigarettes then hide in some big drains to smoke. Yes I did! We were just curious kids then, wanting to know why adults smoke and what it feels like to smoke. I’m glad I didn’t get hooked but two of my brothers did. And I’m really against smoking now! So unhealthy! I can’t stand all that smoke and smell! Yaks!

I remember another crazy thing we did was during the seventh month, we went round collecting those candles people placed on the ground, but only those that were blown out by the wind. Must have been insane to do that right? Well, what can I say, the innocence of kids.

Sigh...one of these two buddies will be returning again to Holland soon. I’m sure she’s going to miss us. Well, I gotta work hard to earn enough so that I can visit her in Europe! Anyone got a job opening, please let me know!

Ok, I have to go shower now and get to the office. Yes, it’s a public holiday today, I know! I gotta work because of my chatting and blogging! I just came back from my 4.2km jog, all sweaty and blogged straight away! Am I hooked on this? What do you think?

Pictures! We want to see pictures! Some of you must be shouting out there. Ok, here are some childhood pictures. Don’t blink. Me in skirt, permed hair. Yes!

Mangoes and Oranges

If you love mangoes, you are free to continue to eat mangoes, but no one forbids you to eat pineapples or oranges. Your favorite fruit is the mango, yes, but you don’t betray your mango when you eat pineapple. I think it’s too narrow-minded, even stupid, to enjoy only mango, when there are so many different fruits around in the world. Spiritual traditions are like spiritual fruits, and you have the right to enjoy them. It is possible to enjoy two traditions, to take the best of two traditions and live with that. If you like to eat Italian food, you can still enjoy French and Chinese cooking. You cannot say. “I have to be faithful to my Italian cooking”—that’s too funny.
~ Thich Nhat Hanh

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I like Zen teachings but I also read all other good teachings that come my way, whether Christian, Muslim, Catholic, philosophy whatever. Like what Thich Nhat Hanh said, we can like our mangoes but still eat pineapples and oranges! So today I would like to share something from the Gospels whereby Jesus said the rich will find it difficult to enter the kingdom of God. I think it’s quite similar to the Buddhist teaching of practising non-attachment to worldly possessions.

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The Rich Young Man - extracted from the Gospel of Mark

10.17And as he was setting out on his journey, a man ran up and knelt before him, and asked him, “Good Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?” 10.18And Jesus said to him, “Why do you call me good? No one is good but God alone. 10.19You know the commandments: ‘Do not kill, Do not commit adultery, Do not steal, Do not bear false witness, Do not defraud, Honor your father and mother.’” 10.20And he said to him, “Teacher, all these I have observed from my youth.” 10.21And Jesus looking upon him loved him, and said to him, “You lack one thing; go, sell what you have, and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me.” 10.22At that saying his countenance fell, and he went away sorrowful; for he had great possessions. 10.23And Jesus looked around and said to his disciples, “How hard it will be for those who have riches to enter the kingdom of God!” 10.24And the disciples were amazed at his words. But Jesus said to them again, “Children, how hard it is to enter the kingdom of God! 10.25It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.” 10.26And they were exceedingly astonished, and said to him, “Then who can be saved?” 10.27Jesus looked at them and said, “With men it is impossible, but not with God; for all things are possible with God.” 10.28Peter began to say to him, “Lo, we have left everything and followed you.” 10.29Jesus said, “Truly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or lands, for my sake and for the gospel, 10.30who will not receive a hundredfold now in this time, houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions, and in the age to come eternal life. 10.31But many that are first will be last, and the last first.”

Thay’s Precepts

Thay’s (Thich Nhat Hanh) Precepts:
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• Do not be idolatrous about or bound to any doctrine, theory, or ideology, even Buddhist ones. All systems of thought are guiding means; they are not absolute truth.

• Do not think that the knowledge you presently possess is changeless, absolute truth. Avoid being narrow-minded and bound to present views. Learn and practice non-attachment from views in order to be open to receive others’ viewpoints. Truth is found in life and not merely in conceptual knowledge. Be ready to learn throughout our entire life and to observe reality in yourself and in the world at all times.

• Do not force others, including children, by any means whatsoever, to adopt your views, whether by authority, threat, money, propaganda, or even education. However, through compassionate dialogue, help others renounce fanaticism and narrowness.

• Do not avoid contact with suffering or close your eyes before suffering. Do not lose awareness of the existence of suffering in the life of the world. Find ways to be with those who are suffering by all means, including personal contact and visits, images, sound. By such means, awaken yourself and others to the reality of suffering in the world.

• Do not accumulate wealth while millions are hungry. Do not take as the aim of you life fame, profit, wealth, or sensual pleasure. Live simply and share time, energy, and material resources with those who are in need.

• Do not maintain anger or hatred. As soon as anger and hatred arise, practice the meditation on compassion in order to deeply understand the persons who have caused anger and hatred. Learn to look at other beings with the eyes of compassion.

• Do not lose yourself in dispersion and in your surroundings. Learn to practice breathing in order to regain composure of body and mind, to practice mindfulness, and to develop concentration and understanding.

• Do not utter words that can create discord and cause the community to break. Make every effort to reconcile and resolve all conflicts, however small.

• Do not say untruthful things for the sake of personal interest or to impress people. Do not utter words that cause diversion and hatred. Do not spread news that you do not know to be certain. Do not criticize or condemn things you are not sure of. Always speak truthfully and constructively. Have the courage to speak out about situations of injustice, even when doing so may threaten your own safety.

• Do not use the Buddhist community for personal gain or profit, or transform your community into a political party. A religious community should, however, take a clear stand against oppression and injustice, and should strive to change the situation without engaging in partisan conflicts.

• Do not live with a vocation that is harmful to humans and nature. Do not invest in companies that deprive others of their chance to life. Select a vocation which helps realize your ideal compassion.

• Do not kill. Do not let others kill. Find whatever means possible to protect life and to prevent war.

• Possess nothing that should belong to others. Respect the property of others but prevent others from enriching themselves from human suffering or the suffering of other beings.

• Do not mistreat your body. Learn to handle it with respect. Do not look on your body as only and instrument. Preserve vital energies (sexual, breath, spirit) for the realization of the Way. Sexual expression should not happen without love and commitment. In sexual relationships be aware of future suffering that may be caused. To preserve the happiness of others, respect the rights and commitments of others. Be fully aware of the responsibility of bringing new lives into the world. Meditate on the world into which you are bringing new beings.

• Do not believe that I feel that I follow each and every of these precepts perfectly. I know I fail in many ways. None of us can fully fulfill any of these. However, I must work toward a goal. These are my goal. No words can replace practice, only practice can make the words.

“The finger pointing at the moon is not the moon.”

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Thich Nhat Hanh or Thay as his disciples affectionately call him, is among my favourite Zen teachers. I got these precepts from a Vietnamese friend I got to know online who also likes his teachings. Contemplate on them!

胃不好

I’ve been having this gastric irritation since Saturday, thanks to my crazy idea that I wasn’t hungry and didn’t feel the need to eat for like close to 24 hours. After depriving my stomach of food for close to 24 hours, I finally had some rice and what a bad choice of food that was! The rice was cooked too hard so after I finished eating, my stomach refused to digest it properly. Up till now, my stomach just doesn't feel normal, full of gas, twitching and tugging every now and then. Urgh!

Anyway, I had a dinner appointment with two friends tonight (or should I say last night, since it’s past 12 midnight now) at Big-O. When I got there, one of them was already there. I got to the table and asked her why didn’t she choose a table with more comfortable seats because the chairs did not have cushions. I was still feeling the gastric irritation so when I sat down, I complained to her in mandarin, “胃不好” and she said to me where then would I like to sit. I went like huh? She actually thought I said “位不好” and wanted to change seats! Hehe! Funny hor? I thought so!

Oh ya, we had the G-spot and Spike ‘D’ Cup for dessert...hehehe! Last week, I was also at Big-O with two other female friends and one of them actually asked, “Do guys have G-spots?”...Muahaha!

My Sexual Orientation

I chose this controversial title to raise a few eyebrows! Hehehe...

We see a lot of same-sex relationships among young people today as compared to 10 years ago. It’s so common to see two girls, one butch and the other femme looking, being intimate with each other on trains, buses and in public places. I am sure these girls know clearly they are having relationships with girls. But why? Why are these girls being attracted to each other when there are so many boys around?

Some blame it on all-girl schools. Others point their fingers at dysfunctional families. Or are our young people getting too much exposure to western cultures through the internet? I wonder if parents and educators are worried about this alarming trend?

I too spent 10 years in an all-girls school environment. But during my time, girls just have crushes on their fellow schoolmates. We never saw any of those crushes developing into serious relationships then. Come to think of it, I don’t know of any gays from my girl schools!

My recent interest in gender issues and gay-theme movies such as Saving Face, Brokeback Mountain, Transamerica, The L Word etc. must have left a lot of my friends wondering if I am really a gay as well. I thought that was quite funny...hehehe. Well, my answer to all my worried friends...is...NO! I may not be feminine but I’ve never been attracted to any girls before so don’t worry. If I’m gay, you people would have known by now...because I’m not very good at lying. But yes, I do have gay friends.

The guys around me so far are not my type. I know the next question you people will like to ask is “What’s my type?” I've once told some friends I'm looking for an intellectual Ah Beng but I've yet to meet one. Hmmm...I think now I kind of like Thai men...they seem polite, gentle and more caring then Singaporean men...Oops! Have I offended my own countrymen? Sorry guys! Just my personal opinion and I may be wrong! I'm probably wrong!

I think being in a straight relationship is already so stressful. To go into a gay relationship in our conservative asian society is like asking for twice the suffering. Nope, no thanks. Not when I’m on a journey to find my true self. But personally, I feel there's no right or wrong in a same-sex relationship. If the two persons are soulmates and can find happiness together...I'll give them my blessings.

Go read Mystic Wannabe’s post on relationships he extracted from ‘Conversations with God’, then you’ll understand my thinking on relationships better. http://mysticwannabe.blogspot.com/2006/03/reading-extracts-from-conversations.html)

By the way, I’ve recently got to know more gays and bisexual friends through the internet. And they are all very nice people, like you and me!

Be Careful What You Say in Front of Kids

I was in Chinatown having dinner with friends again tonight. While we were eating, we overheard a couple arguing over where they should sit. They had two pre-school kids with them. The husband wanted to sit at the table next to ours while the wife, who looked like a Chinese national, wanted to sit over at another table. The husband said crudely to the wife she could sit anywhere she wanted while he was going to stay put. The wife then disappeared for a long while. The kids then became impatient and kept asking their dad where their mum had gone. This ridiculous father actually told the two kids, ”I don’t know where mummy is. Maybe she’s got a boyfriend!”

Can you believe that? What rubbish was this father uttering to his own kids? This man must have very low self-esteem and really fear his wife eloping with another man in order to say such things to his kids! Well, his wife was actually quite young and pretty looking while he had this ‘come-slap-me face!’

Parents...please be careful with what you say in front of your kids. Children today are just picking up too much of these inappropriate adult lingo. My nieces included!

Need to shower and go to bed soon...gotta wake up early tomorrow to go jogging! Gee..I smell like 煮炒!

My RGPS Days

I don’t have a very good memory so I can’t remember much about my primary school days. I think I was quite blur in primary school, never really enjoyed the first few years because my mind was always on catching spiders, playing marbles, running wild in Tanglin Halt! But then again, there are some things which we’ll never, ever forget.

I remember when I was in P2 or was that P3? Anyway, I was once slapped in the face by my form teacher. We were having science lessons and I wasn’t sure which page of the book to turn to. She just walked towards me and went ‘piak!’ Just like that! She slapped me in the face for not paying attention! Gee...try doing that in today’s school. Parents will give her hell! During my time, no parent would dare nor bother to go to the school to complain about teachers. If teachers punished their kids, it had to be the kids’ fault. Being hit with a ruler was so common then. But try lifting a finger on kids in school today, it will be a big hoohah and the kid’s parents will complain all the way to the Minister! How time has changed!

Another incident that I do remember happened in P4. We had a leader in our gang. Her name was Audrey. She was like everyone’s idol because she was athletic-looking and very ‘帥’. We read a lot of those ‘Famous Five’ and ‘Secret Seven’ mysteries during those days. We would roam around the school compound hoping to uncover some mysteries of our own. Once, this Audrey found some whitish powdery substance at the backyard. We dug some out and smell it but no one dare taste it. Thinking that it could be drugs, we went to inform our science teacher who quickly went with us to that spot to investigate. And guess what? That wasn’t drugs but some dried up paint or white wash left behind by workers who painted the school! Funny right? Well, we were just curious 10-year-olds then hoping for some excitement!

Ok, here are some pictures from my primary school days. My friends, please don’t kill me for this!

You may not believe this but that’s me standing next to the teacher!

I’m not in these 2 pictures because I was the one taking them! Have you guessed which is Audrey? Above picture, first on the left. ‘帥’right?
And then...my good friend...

The Me You May Not Know

It’s been less than a month since I started this blog but within these few weeks, I’ve grown so used to blogging I’m now more at ease and ready to share personal information about myself. Anyone noticed the name in my profile has been changed? In the days to come, I’ll be posting pictures of myself from childhood days right up to present. You may be shocked by what you see but no, not likely to see incriminating pictures. Those people who got to know me only in the last 10 years, you may finally get to see me in skirts. Yes! So visit this blog more often and you’ll be surprised. Yup! Jaws may drop!

Old classmates and friends, don’t freak out if you happen to spot yourself in some of those pictures as well. I don‘t have the habit of taking pictures of myself alone so if I want to showcase myself, I’m sorry, I have to showcase you people as well. Hehehe...the fun is just about to begin!

“Every person, all the events of your life are there because you have drawn them there. What you choose to do with them is up to you.” ~ Richard Bach

Don’t Ever Offend a Fan!

A few weeks back, a fan of Michelle Krusiec was bombarded or should I say, verbally abused by her other fans on the actress’ blogsite. The attack became so bad that I think she was asked to leave the blog. It all started because she posted unnecessarily serious comments about the movie MK starred in.

I accidentally discovered this fan’s blog last night and didn’t realise how bad the situation was until now. Those hateful fans practically stalked her on the blog and fired at her the moment she posted a comment. They even carried their attack into her personal blog and jammed her shoutbox. Gee...never, never antagonise fans!

Anyway, this victim went on and on in MK’s blog about the flaws in the script and also picked on technical areas and how the director could have made it better. To me, it’s all personal comments, very much like coming from a film critic and everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Unfortunately, some fans just did not appreciate hers.

Me and two other fans did try to speak up for her and advised everyone to relax, not take things so seriously nor personally. After all, we are all at the blog just to have some crazy fun! This girl did take our advice to relax and carried on with her kind of unwelcome comments! In the end, we too gave up on helping her. How do you help someone who just doesn’t know when to stop inviting trouble? I discovered last night we three were also criticised by her in her blog! She was upset we were not rapped but just given a little warning for flooding the comments box with movie scripts while she, was penalised for her honest comments. Hey! We were not rapped because we were behaving the way fans were expected to be...that is to be crazy!

This fan could have spared herself the agony, anger and ‘trauma’ as she claimed, had she realised she was making comments for the wrong blog. It is after all a fans’ blog and fans being fans, they are illogical beings whom are just overly obsessed with their idol. Honestly, her comments were all right if she posted them in say, a movie discussion board. But to openly pick on a movie the fans love and rave, and can watch repeatedly up to 100 times, she was literally inviting the onslaught on herself.

Those fans who attacked her did go a bit overboard with their insults. They could have just kept quiet and leave her and her comments alone and things wouldn’t have been so bad. Well no. Some just had to voice their unhappiness and the victim had to be defensive and pick a fight so they went ding dong, ding dong, fighting. Well, that’s how wars come about, when people just can’t 忍.

While reading her blog last night, I found that she wasn’t really a big fan of MK. So why was she participating in that blog in the first place? Strange! And a blog that was started not by MK but by a young fan!

For your info, the person victimised happens to be a fellow Singaporean who works as a production manager in a theatre group.

And if you’re wondering how I can be so crazy as to get involved in something so kiddish and even end up being a fan? Well, just for fun lor! You’re welcome to join in the fun at: http://michellekrusiec.blogspot.com

Solomon’s Proverb:
A stone is heavy, and the sand weighty; but a fool’s wrath is heavier than them both.

Sleep

I’ve always admired people who can sleep anytime, anywhere. You can count to five and some people can be snoozing already...amazing! Well, not me.

In the past, it would take a little tossing and turning before I could get into my dreamland. But since I took up meditation, I’ve made it a habit to sit for at least 15 minutes before I go to bed. Consciously or unconsciously, it has helped me to sleep. I’m not exactly sure why. Maybe my mind is really at rest before I sleep...like parking the harddisk that’s been working the whole day!

I’ve got several bad sleeping habits. First, I need seven hours of continuous sleep everyday. Without the full seven hours, I will be feeeling so lethargic and unproductive the entire day and my eyes, they will look as if their Garfield's. And today...I look like our cat friend!

I’ve not been sleeping sufficiently the last few days and I'm really feeling it. When my alarm clock went off this morning, I could literally feel the weight of my eyelids...so heavy and tired...even before I opened my eyes! Was I really feeling it or was it because I already calculated last night that I won’t get my seven hours so my brain straight away registered that when I woke this morning? I miss my 7-hour sleep...sigh!

I’m a light sleeper. Another bad sleeping habit. I wake up too easily and I can’t go back to sleep once I wake up. The slightest tap on the door or ‘click’ from the turning of the door knob and I will hear it and i’ll be wide awake. And then there are people who can sleep through all racket and noise! My brother and his wife are such fortunate people. Their alarm clock may go ‘clang...clang...clang!’ for a whole 10 minutes and they can continue sleeping through while me, a few doors away will hear it and wake up! Gee...can’t imagine if I were to marry someone who snores and he’s lying right next to me every night...No way!

A third bad habit. I may need seven hours of sleep but I also can’t over-sleep. If I sleep for more than nine hours, I will get a headache. So difficult right? Too little sleep, cannot. Too much sleep, also cannot! Why huh?

...I definitely need more sleep...I must sleep early tonight...

Today’s quote:
“Pleasure puts you to sleep and pain wakes you up. If you don't want to suffer, don't go to sleep.”
~ Nisargadatta Maharaj

Can don’t go to sleep meh?

The End of Another Physical Body

My 4th aunt has been in and out of the hospital since she was diagnosed with cancer more than a year ago. Her physical suffering finally ended around 10 this morning. Besides dealing with her own illness, she also had to experience two other setbacks last year, the death of her husband, also from cancer, and another younger sister from an accident. I believe she could have lived a little longer if not for those two additonal setbacks. Her emotional and physical strengths were practically drained from the parting of two persons she loved in this life. The emotional suffering she went through weaken her and took away her energy to fight her own war with cancer.

I've never been very close to this aunt but since her predicament last year, I tried to give her some moral support by seeing her more frequently. I'm not very good at uttering comforting words so whenever I saw her in the hospital, I could only give her my smile, a pat on her hand, as a form of assurance. I did try to make happy conversations with her. Not sure if she understood me but I tried.

I’m sad that she has passed but I’m glad that she does not need to suffer all that stress and pain any more. She's no longer physically around as from today but her spirit lives on. I pray that her consciousness be detached from her karmic connections in this life and be guided to a happier resting and healing place that will help her prepare better for her next G-plan. Don‘t worry, we will all meet again when the time is right.

”For me the moment of death will be a moment of jubilation, not of fear. I cried when I was born and I shall die laughing.“
~ Nisargadatta Maharaj