Crazy Over an Italian

I don’t seem to be able to get enough of Patrizio Buanne recently. Just have to indulge in his Italian crooning everyday when I’m travelling or at work. ‘The Italian’ was his first album while ‘Forever Begins Tonight’ is his current second. My personal favourites in his latest album are Sorridi and Bella Bella Signorina. I just love the tempo of classics and the impact of big band music. Below is the lyrics for Sorridi. If you’d like to listen to the song, email me.

Smile…and watch your troubles drift away
Smile…and you can face another day
Have you smiled today? ^_^

Sorridi
Tears are falling on your pillow
And as the sun begins to rise
Your dreams are fading into daybreak
And sadness listens softly in your eyes
You can't escape the sound of sorrow
But listen hard and you will hear
Birds are waking up the morning
With songs to make your heart ache disappear

Smile when you are lonely
Even when it's harder to pretend
Smile a little only knowing that your tears will have an end
Sorridi e senti la luce (Sorridi and you feel the light)
come illumina la vita (as it illuminates the life)
Smile and everything will turn out right

We all have days that overwhelm us
And we just feel like giving in
But raise a smile and face the challenge
As happiness can wash away the pain
And if the walls should fall around you
And you're hurting deep inside
A smile will help to make the sunshine
And you can leave the loneliness behind

Smile when you are lonely
Even when it's harder to pretend
Smile a little only knowing that your tears will have an end
Sorridi e senti la luce
come illumina la vita
Smile and everything will turn out right

Sorridi e senti la luce
come illumina la vita
Smile and watch your troubles drift away
Smile and you can face another day

The Art of Bridge Building

Today, I would again like to share something I read a few years ago about building relationships. In order to have an effective relationship with anyone, whether a family member, friend, lover, or colleague, you need both parties to work cohesively, hand in hand, towards a common objective.

Problems always set in when we think our opinions or answers are exclusive and conclusive. Life is a process, not an event. We must learn to be patient, accept delays, interruptions, detours and the unexpected. Most importantly, learn to let go of disappointments.

Any bridge built in a hurry can never be strong nor will it last. Develop patience. Lay a strong foundation. Take a step at a time. Moment by moment. You will achieve your equilibrium. ^_^

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Building Bridges

To have a fulfilling relationship, be it kinship, spiritual friendship or love, you need two to build two halves of a bridge towards each other, across the chasm which both need to cross. A relationship does not begin with you alone, you need someone else. Yes, it takes two hands to clap. Without each party contibuting, co-linking, one cannot complete the bridge fast enough for the relationship to be meaningful. It is not impossible for a one-way bridge builder to connect after tremendous efforts, but a healthy relationship is an equal partnership and process of coming together. It is the meeting of each other “halfway” across the bridge, not meeting at someone else’s half of the bridge. It is mutual acceptance without feelings of compromise. The mutual bridging is symbolic of the union of minds - the basic foundation of any relationship. It is the bridging of deep communication and trust. The building of this metaphorical bridge is never-ending - as people change all the time. Bridging needs to be a constant and conscientious process.

If you are building a one-way bridge, beware - as it could be a symptom of obsession or “fatal” attraction, which might lead to exhaustion and disappointment. There is a limit of how far one can bridge if the other party refuses to “mirror-bridge” in return. He/she might even refuse to accept your bridging into his/her world. If your significant other is slow at bridging, you might need to revise your bridging and its “architecture” (ie. quality of your understanding and giving) to troubleshoot the problems. If he/she has yet to begin any bridging despite much of your efforts, you should perhaps consider letting go…at least for the time being? Yes, it takes two to tango.

Never Underestimate Your Action

I would like to share a story my friend Francis sent me last month. It’s one of those chain emails that keeps going round and round and recepients are asked to forward it to as many people as possible. It’s meaningful so I would like to reproduce it here as a reminder to myself.

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One day, when I was a freshman in high school, I saw a kid from my class was walking home from school. His name was Kyle. It looked like he was carrying all of his books. I thought to myself, “Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday? He must really be a nerd.”

I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on. As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running towards him. They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt.

His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him. He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes. My heart went out to him. So, I jogged over to him as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye. As I handed him his glasses, I said, “Those guys are jerks. They really should get lives.”

He looked at me and said, “Hey thanks!” There was a big smile on his face. It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude. I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived. As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before. He said he had gone to private school before now.

I would have never hung out with a private school kid before. We talked all the way home, and I carried some of his books. He turned out to be a pretty cool kid. I asked him if he wanted to play a little football with my friends. He said yes.

We hung out all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him, and my friends thought the same of him. Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again. I stopped him and said, “Boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday!” He just laughed and handed me half the books.

Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends. When we were seniors we began to think about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown and I was going to Duke. I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a problem. He was going to be a doctor and I was going for business on a football scholarship.

Kyle was valedictorian of our class. I teased him all the time about being a nerd. He had to prepare a speech for graduation. I was so glad it wasn't me having to get up there and speak.

Graduation day, I saw Kyle. He looked great. He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school. He filled out and actually looked good in glasses. He had more dates than I had and all the girls loved him. Boy, sometimes I was jealous! Today was one of those days.

I could see that he was nervous about his speech. So, I smacked him on the back and said, “Hey, big guy, you'll be great!” He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled. “Thanks,” he said.

As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began “Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years. Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach...but mostly your friends...”

“I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them. I am going to tell you a story.”

I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first day we met. He had planned to kill himself over the weekend. He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn’t have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home.

He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile. “Thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable.”

I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment. I saw his Mom and dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile. Not until that moment did I realize it’s depth.

Never underestimate the power of your actions. With one small gesture you can change a person’s life. For better or for worse. God puts us all in each others lives to impact one another in some way. Look for God in others.

Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.
There is no beginning or end.
Yesterday is history.
Tomorrow is a mystery.
Today is a gift.

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My Afterthoughts
I used to be very grouchy and unfriendly looking in the morning. I’ll snap easily at whoever got in my way. One day, I asked myself, would I prefer to meet grouchy looking strangers on the streets or smiling ones. The answer was obvious.

I begin the day by smiling to myself in the mirror. I like what I see. I’m sure everyone on the street would also prefer to see a smiling Swooshi, right? Yup! Never underestimate your actions, even if it’s just a smile. It’s free. So don’t be stingy. Give your smiles generously, even to strangers.

Getting to Know Me

My apologies for not posting anything for so many days. I tried to write something more personal, to share about me but it was much tougher than I anticipated. Still too much thinking in me. Need more meditation practise to clear the mind. Will work on that.

Anyway, Tiffany commented in my last post that she got to know me better through my blog. She’s my old pal and has known me for 25 years but that comment did not come as a surprise because I too am learning more about myself everyday and I’ve known me for 40 years!

Trying to figure out who you are can be interesting but definitely frustrating. The harder you try, the more puzzling it gets. Where did my thought come from? Where is it leading me? Where am I taking myself?

I’ve been watching me for a long time and can get very self-critical. I used to get upset with myself quite often but now I make peace with myself. I’m learning not to judge myself and to forgive me.

Well, if you think getting to know your partner is tough, try getting to know yourself. Believe me, it’ll take you a lifetime or several lifetimes and you’ll still be quite lost. So stop complaining so much about your partner. There’s a much more difficult person around and that person is right in front of you in the mirror.

Ajahn Brahm says we should smile to ourselves first thing in the morning. Have you tried that? I did. I’m beginning to like what I see. Try it!

2006 in Retrospect and Resolutions for 2007

Another year has passed. As opposed to the teaching of Zen to live in the now, I would like to be retrospective and reflect on the happenings in the last 12 months because it has been a pretty unusual year for me. I stumbled accidentally upon a movie and a couple of related blogs which changed my otherwise fast becoming mundane life. Another highlight was becoming a blogger which surprised myself as well as my friends.

The biggest reward for me in 2006 has to be the many new friends I got to know through the blogs. I’m sure as at now, many people are still sceptical about me making friends through the internet. But I assure you that so far, 99% of the people I’ve met online are sincere, genuine friends and mostly mature, thinking intellects. I got to know friends from Taiwan, US, Vietnam, Malaysia, Hong Kong, Canada, Singapore as well as Thailand. From online friends, quite a number are now my real life friends. Some of you have become so close to me, you probably know more about me than friends whom have known me for decades. I have my G-plan to thank for providing me the opportunity to become acquainted with you wonderful people. It has been most interesting to be able to share and discuss so many issues relating to life with you. I’ve already met up with some of you in person and look forward to meeting more in time to come.

I followed the footsteps of Tiffany and started a blog with the objective of observing my thoughts and to let a few close friends around me know what’s on my mind. I’ve never written much in my life except academic essays so to post 136 times on my blog from March till December was definitely an amazing feat for me! I never really expected anyone to be interested in reading my ramblings but was I surprised when I found out that friends do read my blog. Umm…I do know that some of you just enjoy viewing the pictures I posted but that’s ok. I like my pictures too! My dear cousins, if you’re reading this, I never knew until recently that you have been reading my blog as well. How about giving me a shout sometimes huh?

I’ve read some good books in the last 12 months and the most interesting book has to be The Journey of the Soul by Peter Richelieu. I’m quite reluctant to loan the book out to anyone because its too precious to me! Gee…I’m supposed to practise non-attachment yet I’m clinging on to this book…hmmm. Anyway, I would like to read it again and again so anyone who’s interested in the book, please try to get hold of your own copy. Come to me only as a last resort ok? I will continue to be on the lookout for books with good teachings and will share them on the blog as I’ve done in the last year.

Ok, enough on my cyber life. 2006 has also been a challenging year for me and my fellow volunteers at CDAC. I was ambitious and took on kids from P4 right up to Sec 1. Yes, it was a stressful and frustrating year coordinating the programme as we were not quite prepared to tackle the different standards, especially the Sec 1s. In addition, we had to deal with an unexpected number of social issues. I then took on more challenges by accepting the pair of twins with learning difficulties into the programme. Despite all the frustrations, we managed to see through the whole year’s programme and to see one of the twins making it to Sec 1 must have been the biggest achievement for us. As always, I wished we could have done more for all the kids but there’s only that much we can do as volunteers. Several volunteers have already indicated their intention to step down. As for me, it will all depend on the progress of my retirement career plan.

I’ve never made any serious new year resolutions as I don’t think I can keep them. But this year, I shall be mindful and attempt to make a handful. Well, most of them are just a continuation of what I’ve been doing in the last one or two years so hopefully they won’t be that difficult to achieve. What are they?

One, to eat well. Although I’m more of a herbivore in the last few years, I hope to eat a more balanced vegetarian diet. I still love my multi-grain bread dipped into olive oil and my brown rice but I would like to remind myself to eat more greens and fruit this year.

Two, I hope I can maintain my exercise routine of jogging 4.2km on alternate days. I did become lazy, slept late and skipped some days, especially towards the end of the year. I hope to be more disciplined, minimise the number of late nights so that I can get up early for my jogs. I’ve jogged twice already since the beginning of the year so it’s a good start.

Three, I’m not meditating as well as I did when I was attending KK Tan’s class so I hope to put more effort into my meditation practice, perhaps even attend one or two retreats this year.

Four, I want to work on a retirement career plan. This is the most challenging new year resolution. I’ve shared it with some of you so if you know what my plans are, do assist me by giving me a nudge if I’m not working hard enough on it.

ps: 2006 ended on a high note with a rare RGS gathering at Irene’s place. It started slowly with just a handful of us but as the night progressed, more people joined in. And when we have a DPP, two seow pohs and a semi-high hairstylist amongst us, there’s bound to be a lot of laughter which must have shocked Irene’s mum and daughter…hehehe! The next gathering shall be CNY at Rajah Court…yippee!