Another great gift

My friend painted me this for Christmas. Pretty right? So blessed…I love you friend…muack!!! I can’t paint so hope you enjoy playing with the toy I got you kkkkk.

What irks you?

Does this irk you? I’ve been faced with frowns and asked several times why I’m wearing these beads. I’m sure there’ve been many curious others who also wanted to ask but didn’t know how. Well, my soulmate gave it to me and I simply LOVE these beads! The unfinished feel…of being with nature…of peace…of me.

Now why can’t I just wear it without inviting strange stares? People are weird. I was once weird so I understand. What really irks you? (grins as I write…correction, type! :))

It’s Christmas already?

I started receiving my gifts today. Firstly, I finally got my pay adjusted to a figure I’m happy with. I have to be happy with it because it is the maximum that my employer can give me. They gave me my new pay from today and have even back paid me all the arrears I was entitled to. I also received my pro-rated bonus based on this new pay and everything was credited into my account today hehe.

But that’s not all…yup, not the end of the celebrations yet. I just received a new 32G iPhone 3Gs during dinner ~ yahooooooo!!! It’s a Christmas gift from my old pal and she had to queue, convince, coerce, threaten…well, she basically 'chuan' the people at M1 to get it for me. She said it was in celebration of everything…my new job, my studies, my upcoming trip etc etc. You are simply incredible pal! Love you, muack!!!

I’m going to sign away my freedom tomorrow for the next four years but I’m not the least worried because I’ve not been thinking about freedom in the last five months and don’t think I will for quite a while. In fact, I like this lost of freedom because it has finally freed my mind.

Have I mentioned my favourite phrase lately? Never mind, I just have to shout it out again…LIFE is BEAUTIFUL! ^_^

What’s this floral?

Anyone knows the name of this flower? I shot these at the park connector near my place. Was stunned by it. It doesn’t seem to last though. The composition I saw in the morning had fallen off by evening. But I thought it looked even more mesmeric after the white petals fell off. Felt so privileged to be allowed to admire its magnificence. Love it!

Adapting

Twice this week I was out dining with friends much younger than me and both times when I paid for my food, I paid only for what I ate and got back my change down to the last cent. Close friends of mine know that I don’t like quibbling over expenses for food. In fact, I’ve got the habit of rounding up the amount when I had to pay others while I round down when I collect. This week’s experience of getting back small change seemed…weird. Yeah, it did require a little adapting but I am fine with that ’cos I do like the company of young people. I let them do the decision making and will do what they tell me to do. ^_^

There is hope…definitely

I spent my last Saturday afternoon sitting in an auditorium listening to a group of people report on the work that’s been done in the past as well as chart out their plans for the near future. Usually at such ‘gatherings’, I expect the presentation to be boring, some participants to be irritating and the mood to be generally dull and monotonous. It was indeed boring when the organisers presented the usual data and info but miraculously, the tempo began to pick up when the minister spoke and the floor fielded question at him and his five other counterparts, all MPs and/or ministers.

What got me thrilled enough to want to blog about it is, all these work were not for the benefit of the participants themselves but other people…technically strangers to us all. In other words, we were listening, debating, discussing on how we could help someone else’s kids, someone else’s parents, someone else’s families. It was simply amazing to hear volunteers from all walks of life stand up and articulate their observations and concern for the less fortunate amongst our kind.

A young high school girl shared her concern for the elderly, a principal couldn’t help but wondered aloud if we could do something to help students in schools with their emotional needs, a guy in his fifties commented on how impressed he was with the organisation as he had always thought that only Chinese-speaking people volunteered here. The truth was there were non-Chinese seated amongst us. The mic was never rested but passed from person to person until the minister had to end the discussion due to the other engagements of the panel.

Only one word to describe how I felt to be seated among this group of people…heartwarming! I never realised until now how silly I’ve been in picking at all the things the organisation could do, should do but did not do that I overlooked the things the organisation did do over the years. By the fact that such a huge number of people (reportedly to be 67,000) have benefited from the various programmes plus the continual presence of the participants at such seminars have proven that warmth can still be felt on this hard, tough earth.

The truth is, we cannot help everyone but we can definitely help someone. The cup was never half empty…it has always been half full, at least. How blind I’ve been. There is hope after all…definitely! ^_^

Going through a life renewal process

I thought I should just post a quickie, just in case some of you think that I’ve abandoned my blog. No I’ve not. It’s just that there have been some major shift in my career so I’ve been extremely busy. Yes, I have been busy working. Finally!

For the last two months, I have been physically and mentally challenged by 13 to 18-year-olds so you should be able to guess what’s my new job. Although my stress-level has been extremely high, I have been enjoying every moment of it. Ok, perhaps not every moment but most of it. Do I sound weird? Or a little berserk? I am actually going through what I feel is a “life renewal process”, a process that I badly needed to rejuvenate me and keep me going in life. It has stopped me from thinking so I am rather pleased with what’s been happening to me so far. I shall update you guys when the time is more appropriate or when I have time to pause for a breather. Hope everyone is living. Living? O_o Yeah, living! ‘Cos I’ve realised I’ve not been living for quite a while :)) Happy living!

Siem Reap photo-essay

Going to Siem Reap to see the Angkor Wat has been on my mind for quite a while. I finally made the trip there last month with my friends. I was quite blown away by the historical monuments and more importantly, the smile and hospitality of the Cambodians. With their civil history, one would expect to see lots of suffering and unhappy faces in this place but almost all the locals we met were friendly, sincere and very helpful. This is definitely one place that I would put on my short getaway list. I don’t want to write a long description of what I saw. Here’s my photo-essay on Siem Reap which means “Seam defeated”. Enjoy…

Making mistakes

Have you observed what goes through your mind when you make a mistake, when you’re “wrong”? Generally, if it’s a genuine mistake and I accept the fact that I was wrong, I would feel apologetic or remorseful and would make amends for it. If I don’t like the mistake, I would feel embarrassed. If I don’t agree that I made a mistake (this is the worst me), I would argue and even become angry. Why all these rantings about mistakes and being wrong? Well, I seem to be making mistakes after mistakes recently and I want to know why I was feeling the way I was feeling or rather, why did I react the way I reacted.

One mistake I made a couple of weeks back due to a poor judgement caused me to look foolish and having to admit to my foolishness is not exactly my cup of tea (ok ok, I do note that’s big ‘I’ commenting). Why is it that I can’t help feeling uneasy sometimes when I’m wrong? What is that uneasy feeling? Where did that feeling come from? Why do my instincts tell me to react by arguing?

Rebutting, disputing, arguing just to prove that I was not wrong, is not supposed to be in my “to do list”. I say it’s time to do a review.

Jazz and erhu do gel

What comes to mind when you think of jazz? A rendition of blues, swing or syncopated rhythms? For me, I’ve always stereotyped it as elevator music or music that can put me to zzzZZ. Now what about Chinese orchestra? I’m sure the image of erhu, pipa, guzheng clanging operatic or traditional music would surface. I got a taste of the combination of both last night at a concert, yes both. The ensemble of two groups of musicians showed me how grossly outdated and wrong I was with my stereotypical opinion.

Our local Chinese orchestra performed jazz pieces together with an American trio jazz band at the concert. With cleverly arranged pieces, they proved to the audience that eastern and western music do mix, erhu and jazz can gel. As the erhu, pipa, and recorder soloists took turns to spar with the jazz band, this audience who went in on a free ticket couldn't stop applauding at the end of every piece. I could see that not just me and the other audience were enjoying the performance, the musicians too were having a ball of a time themselves playing music they don’t normally play. They even performed a classic Bach piece, Prelude in D minor and I loved that arrangement the most, almost wanting to jump up to give them an ovation but too shy to do it because no one else did.

I have to admit I went to the concert half-expecting to fall asleep but the performers didn’t dish me any single moment of boredom. I was totally enthralled by this rare, untypical performance. It’s not just the audio-visual enjoyment I experienced but the revelry of different cultures putting aside their differences, coming together in the sharing of what was common to them, their belief and love for music. If only we humans could apply this to every aspect of our day-to-day living. I do hope to see such a day in this world, in time (or lives) to come.

Five thumbs up for this marvelous performance!

Insanity, any purpose?

A granduncle whom I’ve never met died a couple of days ago, at age 66. He’s younger than my dad. I know very little about this relative, whatever that I know about him, I heard from my mum. He was the youngest child of my great-grandfather. According to my mum, this granduncle was very bright and being the youngest, he was doted on. Unfortunately, he developed some mental problems while studying overseas. He had to come back and I presumed his condition must have been so serious and no one could take care of him that he was placed in the mental hospital, for more than 40 years I estimate. He didn’t die from an illness in there but choked to his death.

When my grandma was still alive, my mum did accompany her to visit him at the mental hospital. Besides them, I think his sister was his only other visitor. Surprisingly, despite his insanity, he actually recognised them. Back then, he was already gorging down the food they brought him so I guess it didn’t come as a surprise to anyone when the hospital said he choked and died.

I’m just wondering, what is god’s purpose in making a person experience insanity and locked up almost all his life, practically forgotten by his family members? Is an insane person aware of his mind? What could he have learnt from being mad that can help him in his journey of life?

Am I thinking too much again? Ok, just ignore me. I’m not mad…not yet.

Which is worse

I wrote this on my mac:
“Which is worse? Knowing what you want in life but not being able to have it or not knowing what you want in life at all?”

I was planning to write a huge chunk on why I think the latter is worse but I walked away from my computer to do something in the kitchen and when I came back, I saw this:
“I don't know.”

My 10-year-old niece wrote that. Don‘t you think the answer was brilliant? Age does not necessarily assure you of the answers in life. A ‘don’t know’ mind does.

Just live for goodness sake.

Taming the mind, body and...pain

This procrastinator finally forced herself to do something she had always ranted about and wanted to do…take up yoga. I liked what I experienced after several free trial lessons at a fitness centre a couple of months back. I had to sign up for a course before that interest trickled off. I seriously believe yoga is good for my body at my age, and even better for my monkey mind when I got nothing to do. So finally, I signed up for a elementary class at the CC near my place and attended my first lesson last night.

The instructor started everything from basics…breathing, stretching, holding the poses etc. It never occurred to me that I could be such a stranger to so many parts of my body. The instructor made sure I ‘visited’ all those poor muscles and joints of my anatomy that I never knew existed and got acquainted with them. My poor body, how much I must have abused you all these years, as can be seen from the way you are aching now. Strangely, I like the pain I’m feeling now. As the saying goes, no pain no gain. Hope to overcome the pain by the second lesson and attend the course regularly, diligently and eventually make yoga practice a part of my life.

So bizarre

Saw a freak incident on the train last night while on my way home. A bulky Malay lady sitting three seats away from me with a baby (probably around eight months old) on her lap somehow allowed the toddler to slip out of her grip. The poor baby fell backwards onto the ground, head down first with a slight thud @_@. So very bizarre. Waaaa!…Waaa!…the baby screamed, whether in pain or in shock, I wasn’t sure. The clumsy mum (who was holding a mobile phone on one hand) realising her carelessness, also exclaimed out loud. She rushed to pick her crying baby up from the ground. What she did next shocked me even more. She started rubbing the baby’s head and rocking him vigorously to pacify him…*faint*. I cringed and looked up at the lady standing right in front of me. I saw her cringe too and exchange this look of disbelief with me.

It took a few more minutes before the baby would stop crying. In fact, when the kid stopped crying, it got me even more worried. I kept observing the kid’s facial expression to make sure he hasn’t fainted, was in a daze or worse…frothing from the mouth. With all that rugged rocking and rubbing, the mum could have caused even greater harm to the kid than the fall.

I only relaxed and carried on enjoying Andre Bocelli crooning on my iPod when I saw the kid smile and giggle. ^_^

Can society agree to disagree?

As I write this entry, about three thousand women (and some men) congregated at one of our downtown convention halls to get their voices heard pertaining to a women’s association, an association that has been around for 25 years helping women and fighting for the equal rights of women in Singapore. One of the issues to be discussed is an alleged siege staged by a group of women with a religious agenda. Being a woman and an inquisitive Singaporean, I’ve been following this saga daily via the tv, newspapers and online reporting. As I read the reports and comments, I observed how my opinions and moods have swerved back and forth towards both camps of women.

For the benefit of my friends who are not living in the lion city, here is a summarised account of what happened. Some time ago, a group of women quietly joined an association, turned up for its AGM one day, voted their counterparts into the executive committee (exco) through a majority head-count and seized control of the association. The old team was caught unawares, got eliminated and naturally got upset. When the new team took over the centre, they had a different set of ideas on what they wanted to do. They changed the locks, sacked long-serving staff and contributing volunteers. Accusations started flying…“it was all plotted; the new team is a religious group with a hidden agenda; they are anti-gay!” …“the old guards are only interested in promoting the advancement of homosexuality; girls in schools are taught it’s normal to experiment with each other.” What a scoop for the press. Sudden excitement for our otherwise boring society.

After reading the press conferences, interviews, reports, blogs, comments of people on both camps concerned with this saga, I think I should also blog about it. Hope I don’t get hate mails or death threats with this post ^_^lll. Anyway, this is my current point of view and it may not be permanent. Why? Because nothing is permanent. And why aren’t I participating at the EGM instead of writing this? Because I more or less know what the results will be at the EGM.

In all fairness, in my opinion (piak!…whack on the head…still in a daze @@), both camps of women are not wrong. Because I can see that their original intentions were good. The old guards wanted to promote an all-inclusive society (bravo to that) while the new guards hope to promote or reinforce corroding family values and protect their vulnerable off-springs (very concerned and responsible parents, nothing wrong with that too). So what went wrong? Well, I would think it’s because one side was inexperienced in such politicking, got personal, possessive and tried to shut the other side out totally. Then religion got dragged into the fight and that’s taboo in our secular society. Matters got worse when a pastor got involved, took sides and rallied his church to support their ‘sisters’. Tsk, tsk, tsk, shouldn’t he be advocating love for all sisters regardless of which camps they are from?

I believe the new exco of originally good-intentioned (and mostly motherly) women really thought they could contribute to society. Unfortunately, they knew and accepted only one truth. They had great faith in their religion but sadly, they had no faith in their fellow beings. Their failure to accept other truths, their unwillingness to support an all-inclusive society plus their ignorance of their roles in the organisation led to their predicament today.

As for the old team of well-respected, hardworking true-blue feminists whom had put their heart and soul into a cause they believe in for the last 25 years, perhaps this is a timely wake-up call for them. For these old guards, I think they too have to address and respect the needs of a certain minority, people whom are not as liberal as them. For change to take place in society, you have to give it time. I do advocate an all-inclusive society and the door of my heart is open to everyone. But I can’t force or drag people through my door, can I? As what many Singaporeans have mentioned, we must all learn to agree to disagree. Everyone has the right to their own beliefs and opinions. It would be more productive if we could put our focus on our similarities rather than the differences in order for the society to progress harmoniously.

At times like this, again Jiddu Krishnamurti’s great words “The truth is a pathless land” come to mind. Below is an extract of his teachings I posted a few years ago.

Full Heart, Empty Mind
There is no path to truth, it must come to you.
Truth can come to you only when your mind and heart are simple, clear, and there is love in your heart; not if your heart is filled with the things of the mind.
When there is love in your heart, you do not talk about organising for brotherhood; you do not talk about belief, you do not talk about division or the powers that create division, you need not seek reconciliation.
Then you are simply a human being without a label, without a country.
This means that you must strip yourself of all those things and allow truth to come into being; and it can come only when the mind is empty, when the mind ceases to create.
Then it will come without your invitation.
Then it will come as swiftly as the wind and unbeknown.
It comes obscurely, not when you are watching, wanting.
It is there as sudden as sunlight, as pure as the night; but to receive it, the heart must be full and the mind empty.
Now you have the mind full and your heart empty.

Time to empty our minds?

ps: At the time of this post, 1,414 members had voted in support of the ‘no confidence vote’, while 761 had voted against it. (as expected ^_^)

No right or wrong in life

My new life begins only in late July. That means there’s several months to go before I get to experience that new life and much-needed new waves of adrenaline rush. I was planning to carry on with my design work for now, at least until I can’t cope and have to give it up but my regular clients have not been feeding me with new projects lately. I’m thus inching closer towards the state of boredom, again. I need to snap out of this unhealthy state of mind, my inner me reminded when I got up from bed yesterday.

I decided to catch a movie then go to the library to research on my long-forgotten English assignment. I saw School Days With a Pig (Buta Ga Ita Kyôshitsu), an award-winning Japanese movie based on a true story. I liked it so this post is about the movie. It tells of a young, enthusiastic school teacher Mr Hoshi who brought a piglet into the classroom to teach his sixth graders on the connection between life and food. He got the children to raise the pig and proposed that the pig be eaten when it’s big enough. Why raise a pig? Well, he felt that a chicken would have been too easy.

Anyway, children being children, they found the little piglet cute and fun to play with. They adopted it like a pet, built a colourful sty for it to live in and even gave it a name, P-chan. The children had to collect leftover food to feed their pet. Besides the fun part of feeding and playing with the pig, the kids also had to take turns to clean up it’s smelly pee and poo.

Parents started complaining about the pig and how much it was affecting the lives of the children. One kid got home dirty and smelling like a pig, another was eating less at home so that more leftovers could be collected for P-chan, while a third refused to eat pork at home. But despite all the complaints, the principal reminded the parents that none of the complaints were against the teacher Mr Hoshi. The parents had to agree in silence.

As the school terms progressed, the children’s bond with the pig got closer. The children were reminded they had to decide what to do with the pig once graduation day arrives. They started debating whether they should keep the pig and if it was right for them to eat P-chan. Some were against the killing of the pig but others argued that wasn’t that the original objective of the project? Some of the questions that popped up in the debate included: 1. Who decides on the length of a life? 2. Is raising a pig for its meat cruel or is the eating of meat itself cruel? 3. Is it right to keep this pig and yet continue to eat other pork? Everyone was given equal opportunities in class to voice their opinions and as arguments took place, tempers began to flare. The teacher did not take sides nor tried to play down anyone’s argument. He remained a fair moderator throughout and stood by his initial stand that there won’t be any right or wrong decision. And after two rounds of voting, the class was still split on whether to keep the pig or send it to the meat centre. The teacher eventually decided that he being part of this class and project should cast the final deciding vote. I shall not tell you the answer nor more of the story here, just in case you are interested to catch the movie.

This movie was made documentary-style with some parts shot on a handheld camera. I kind of enjoyed that. It’s got lots of laughter and tears as well so generally, I found it rather entertaining and thought provoking. In the midst of the show, I actually wondered if a similar project could take place here and if it could, would our P6 kids be able to discuss and argue their viewpoints like the kids in the movie? Would they really learn the responsibility of caring for a life, albeit it's just a pig, to love and treasure it like a pet?

I have to agree with the teacher’s viewpoint that there’s no right or wrong in life. The moment we start to think or judge, it’s already wrong. Right? Hehehe! If you want more information on the movie, here’s a link http://pig.catchplay.com

ps: The kids were really good actors in the movie and that Mr Hoshi (Satoshi Tsumabuki), he’s good too…his role, his acting, his looks! :pp

Popiah-making and a lesson in life

My mum wanted to cook popiah last Sunday. Obviously that meant ME had to do all the marketing and ME had to do all the preparation work and cutting of the vegetables. I’m quite particular that the vegetables for the popiah must be cut rather than grated so I spent at least three hours cutting stuff like french beans and turnips. By the time I finished cutting, my right arm was all sore and aching. My mum did the cooking after I finished and she commented that the turnips were well-cut! ^_^

After all that hard work, I was finally savouring my popiah. As I bit into my roll of popiah, shreds of vegetables fell off but I picked them up and put them into my mouth. Not a single teeny weeny bit of vegetables was wasted. Why? Because I had just spent hours painstakingly cutting them! Suddenly, it dawned on me that this is the way I have been living my life. I had little or no regard for things that came easy to me but things that I had to slog and work hard for, I treasured them more, even if it was just a shred of turnip. My popiah-making actually taught me a lesson in life.

I have been living in my rein-free comfort zone for 16 years. I have so much freedom in life, I take a lot of things for granted. During the last week of Dec 2008, I decided it’s high time I revoke this unappreciated freedom from ME. I can’t see the light at the end of my tunnel in life and it scares me. A symptom of mid-life crisis? At age 42, I have decided to give up my business and my directorship in my brother’s company, to rejoin the civil service. I’m going to become a teacher.

The joy of chatting with kids

Nowadays, my nieces chat with me on MSN. Although I know it’s not appropriate for them to be indulging in instant messaging at such a young age, I try to put it to good use by advocating that they must spell correctly and write grammatical English when chatting with me.

Below is a recent conversation I had with my older niece. She was asking me about my MSN message that day which was “to live, to love, to learn, to leave a legacy”

Niece: what legacy do you want to leave behind?

Me: hmmmmm

Niece: your teaching?

Me: will leave all my books and chewing gums for you

Niece: haha

Me: hehehe. plus all my socks…ok?

Niece: you still have chewing gum? no, not your socks!

Me: hahahahaha. my socks are branded

Niece: never!!!!!!! and not the books. i hate studying. i will leave this for you (sends me document via msn)

Me: what's that file? (i receive document with list of chinese words)

Niece: my chinese homework that i did not copy. jade sent it to me (jade is her best friend)

Me: hmmm. why didn't you copy it in school?

Niece: no time. i forgot to leave two lines (double-line spacing), had to rewrite all the words

Me: your teacher is mad

Niece: then…ring…ring…the bell rings and it's time to go home. i only copied until no.5

Me: you dashed out of the classroom huh?

Niece: no, must say goodbye then line-up to go downstairs

Me: i still don't understand why you sent me the file. i can't write it for you. my handwriting is different from yours

Niece: i know. i just sent it to leave for you

Me: hahahahahhaa. so those words are your legacy?

Niece: yup. i want to throw them away but i can't. because jade may not send it to me again hahahahahha

Me: muahahahahaha

A big thank-you to my body

I hurt my right calf on the eve of Chinese New Year, pulled a muscle. While I was holidaying in Thailand with two other friends, a slip triggered the injury again. Was limping around for a while but luckily I had some salompas plasters with me, helped ease the pain. Because of the injury, I wasn’t able to exercise for a couple of weeks. When I finally had the guts to start jogging again, I took extra care to put my body weight more on the unhurt left leg so as not to aggravate the twice hurt muscle on my right calf.

This morning, while I was on my jogging rounds again, I saw two old ladies on wheelchair. One of them has been exercising at the park for many years, just like me. She used to walk around the park every morning. Her legs were kind of warped so I guess because of old age, they have become too weak now and she’s wheelchair-bound. The other old lady had both legs amputated, which probably was caused by diabetes complications. As I looked at them, I was really grateful that my legs are still strong and supporting me, allowing me to be mobile and run round the park as and when I needed a meditation jog. What I saw made me suddenly appreciate my body. Don’t we all do that? Only when we lose something we have, something we take for granted, then we’ll realise how important it is to us. So this post is to thank the various parts of my body, for allowing me to use and abuse you all these years. Will try to be more conscientious of your importance to me from now. Thank you body.

Better living in the new year

From today onwards, life gets a little better for me because the government imposed some additional new laws that take effect from 1 Jan 2009. Why should I be happy when there are more laws to abide? Because the laws are applicable only to smokers. I’m so glad that the smoking ban is now officially extended to hotel lobbies, lift lobbies, multi-storey car parks, playgrounds, exercise areas, markets, within 5 metres of buildings’ entrances etc etc. Smokers have only themselves to blame for this plight. If all smokers had been more civic-conscious and do their puffing far away from the people who don’t smoke, I’m sure the government wouldn’t have extended the ban to so many more areas. Bravo to the lawmakers for protecting the non-smokers!

Ok so now I see an additional sign being put up at the park where I jog. But I really would like to ask the people who run the parks, do they realise how many signs they have erected at the small little park of ours? Just look at these:Do we really need so many signs to tell us what we can and cannot do at the park? Are we Singaporeans a bunch of morons that need to be dictated and threatened before we start behaving ourselves and become socially responsible? Something obviously is not quite right with our education system or our upbringing at home that has resulted in this phenomenon. I do hope the inhabitants of this small island can learn to be more mindful of their social duties so that the lawmakers will stop imposing more dos and don’ts on us.

All those signs above, I think can remove but this one below…umm…I would like it to stay…at least until those inconsiderate morons get the message. No more “smoke gets in my lungs” when I go jogging. Yippie!ps: Ok ok, I know it’s a little big but I just want to make sure the message gets across to the culprits. Hehehe!