What Kind of Funeral to Have

Most of us avoid talking about our own dying day as that is considered taboo in our culture. But I've been thinking about it every now then, what if I were to die this moment? What’s going to happen? Who will see to my funeral? Will anyone turn up at my funeral?

Why all these ‘death’ thoughts at this age all of a sudden? Well, why not? Our journey towards death begins the moment we are born, so why not plan for it when we have the opportunity? And seriously, do we know when we’re going to die? Don’t think anyone does.

So what kind of funeral would I like to have? I’ve told several friends I would like to be cremated and my ashes scattered into the sea after I die. No need to pay for any premium space to keep my ashes because I doubt the value of my ashes will appreciate over time. I also think it’s not nice to stress relatives to come ‘visit’ my remains whenever it’s my death anniversary. Anyone who wants to remember me can just look at my pictures.

If it’s not too much trouble and not too expensive, I wouldn’t mind if someone contacted the Buddhist Fellowship and arranged for an English chanting service at my wake and funeral. That should be an eye-opener for me as well as for my neighbours in Tampines. In fact, I think it’ll be fun and may even draw a crowd!

Oh yes! Please do not burn expensive paper cars, houses, electrical appliances or electronic gadgets for me. I would not need them because I should be busy meditating. Hopefully I’m not so attached to blogging by then! Oh...I’m going to miss my iBook!

On the day of the funeral, please don’t play depressing, sob sob music. Imee Ooi’s ‘The Chant of Metta’ will be a good choice because it’s one of my favourite and it lasts a whole 26min and 49secs! Then again, my other favourite singer, Sarah Brightman’s ‘Time to Say Goodbye’ will also be quite appropriate right? I wouldn’t mind some loud music too by 五月天but will it disturb my neighbours?

What else should I be looking into...hmmm...?

to be continued...

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"The real does not die, the unreal never lived."
~ Nisargadatta Maharaj

A Boss and a Leader

A boss creates fear, a leader confidence.
A boss fixes blame, a leader corrects mistakes.
A boss knows all, a leader asks questions.
A boss makes work drudgery, a leader makes it interesting.
A boss is interested in himself or herself, a leader is interested in the group.

~ Russell H. Ewing

If you've always been complaining about your boss, then don't aspire to be one. Be a leader instead!

As for me, I don't want to be a boss, neither do I want to be a leader.
I just hope to serve.

“The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others...If we cultivate the habit of doing this service deliberately, our desire for service will steadily grow stronger and we will make not only our own happiness, but that of the world at large.”

~ Mahatma Gandhi

Where Do We Come From, Where Do We Go

THE HUMAN ROUTE

Coming empty-handed, going empty-handed -- that is human.
When you are born, where do you come from?
When you die, where do you go?
Life is like a floating cloud which appears.
Death is like a floating cloud which disappears.
The floating cloud itself originally does not exist.
Life and death, coming and going, are also like that.
But there is one thing which always remains clear.
It is pure and clear, not depending on life and death.

Then what is the one pure and clear thing?

I love this Zen poem.
One day, I will grasp it.
So will everyone.
No more why this, why that.
No more I, my, me.
No more suffering.
Left with only...
Just like this!

Yup! We're almost there...let's get there!

Looking at Old Pictures

Not so long ago, a buddy dug out some old school pictures and had a good laugh going through them. This morning, suddenly I thought of doing the same thing. I wanted to see if I've got some pictures that maybe I can use on my blog. Ok...ok, don't panic friends...I will not post any controversial pictures nor pictures of anyone who looked like they came from another planet.

The first pictures I spotted were my kindergarten graduation pictures. I'm not very photogenic but hey, I didn't look too bad in those! They're probably my best looking pictures. I've decided. I will use it as my new profile image. (Look to the right!)

Me and my Tanjong Katong Kindergarten classmates...oh yah, that’s my teacher on the left...gee, never realised her skirt was so short! Anyone who spots himself/herself in there, please contact me immediately!

I also dug out two albums from my secondary school days. Now I looked pretty weird then, in fact, kind of retard looking... hmmm...not sure if I should share them...?

Internal chatter going on:
“That was me THEN...and I'm quite different NOW.”
“So...what's the problem?”
“But I didn't look good in them...”
“Now, how many of your friends did look good then?”
“That's true...but...but...”
“Relax...”
“Ok...ok...”

Well, let me go through them again and convince myself it's not that bad. You'll know soon enough whether they'll appear on this blog.

I must say that the longer I blog, the more relaxed I've become in sharing information on myself. I figured life is just too short so why be so critical about myself or worry so much about how others see me. This is the real me so what's the problem? I'm no criminal, there's nothing to be ashamed of...

So I guess in time to come, you'll see more and more of me. : ))

Today’s Quote:
“Life must be lived forward, but can only be understood backwards.” ~ Kierkegaard

If I Have to Live in Another Country

If I have to live in another country, it has to be Thailand. Why? Here are my reasons:

1 I've been there so many times but I never get tired of the place.
2 I like Thais. They are generally polite, friendly and sincere.
3 Cost of living is low there.
4 There's so much to be discovered.
5 The entire country is linked by an efficient transportation system.
6 Lastly, I feel really at ease there.

Maybe I was a Thai in a previous life!

I go to Thailand almost every year, normally with friends or family members. But once, I ventured out of Bangkok city to Kanchanaburi and Ayuthaya, all on my own. I wasn't really confident I could do it but a friend whom always travelled on her own said it's perfectly safe and I should just do it and I did!

For the first time in my life, I travelled by myself. That was to be one of the best trips I've ever made. For once, I could plan my own itinerary and do what I want without having to check with anyone, wait for anyone. Without a travelling companion, I was forced to speak with the locals, seek their help and make friends with them. And Thais are basically very friendly and helpful people. Maybe I was lucky, the people I met were all so nice.

Travelling alone allowed me to see a different side of Thailand and learn more about its people and their culture. It was a truly challenging but rewarding experience.

I plan to go Siem Reap next month with my friends but it looks quite unlikely to materialise. So I will go Bangkok instead, with or without company.

Zen and ‘Don't Know’

Ok, I got a confession to make. After almost two weeks of blogging and my post on ‘only don’t know’, I’m feeling guilty about not providing the proper Zen explanation of ‘don’t know’ mind. So here it is, as taught by the late Great Zen Master Seung Sahn (ZMSS), the 78th Patriarch of the Chogye Order of Korean Buddhism who founded over a hundred Zen temples, centers, and groups around the world.

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WHAT IS ZEN?

Zen is very simple. What are you?

In this whole world, everyone searches for happiness outside but nobody understands their true self inside.

Everybody says, “I.” “I want this. I am like that...” but nobody understands this ‘I.’ Before you were born, where did your ‘I’ come from? When you die, where will your ‘I’ go? If you sincerely ask, “What am I?” sooner or later you will run into a wall where all thinking is cut off. We call this “Don’t Know.”

Zen is keeping this don‘t know mind always and everywhere.

When walking, standing, sitting, lying down, speaking,
being silent, moving, being still...
At all times, in all places, without interruption - what is this?
One mind is infinite kalpas.

Meditation in Zen means keeping don't-know mind when bowing, chanting and sitting Zen. This is formal Zen practice. And when doing something, just do it. When driving, just drive; when eating, just eat; when working, just work.

Finally your don’t-know mind will become clear. Then you can see the sky, only blue – you can see the tree, only green. Your mind is like a clear mirror – red comes, the mirror is red; white comes, the mirror is white. A hungry person comes, you can give him food; a thirsty person comes, you can give her something to drink. There is no desire for myself, only for all beings. That mind is already Enlightenment; we call that Great Love, Great Compassion, the Great Bodhisattva Way. It’s very simple, not difficult!

So Buddha said that all beings have Buddha-nature (enlightenment nature). But Zen Master Joju said that a dog has no Buddha nature. Which one is right? Which one is wrong? If you find that, you find the true way.

“Only Go Straight!”

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Extracted from ‘Zen Is Just Like this’, a compilation of dharma talks given by ZMSS, published by Kwan Yin Chan Lin Zen Meditation Centre (Website: htpp://www.kyclzen.org)

Time Seems to Pass So Quickly

Is time moving faster and faster everyday? Everything just seems to zoom pass so quickly nowadays. It was only a moment ago that I was ‘counselling’ a stressed out parent on Saturday but an entire week has actually passed and today is another Saturday.

No, I didn't have to counsel any parent today. Lessons went quite smoothly and the kids had a great time playing soccer and badminton after their lessons, me included. I've not played badminton for quite a while so kind of missed the game. Just had to grab a racket and hit the shuttlecock today! Had fun.

Went out with several friends afterwards for dinner...the food was nice!

Another tiring but nice day has passed...Geeee! It's already Sunday! Need to sleep soon. With all that food I ate for dinner, I must go jogging tomorrow morning!

Here's another thought-provoking quote to ponder over:

“Time does not pass, only you and I do.”

~ J. Krishnamurti (1895 - 1986)

How We Live Our Lives

Ever since my accidental contact with Zen six to seven years ago and meditation four years ago, I began reading books of a different kind. I became less interested in fictional romance, thrillers or mysteries and found myself being drawn to the non-fiction section whenever I entered a library. I started borrowing books on meditation, spirituality, religion, life, even death. The more I read, the more addicted I became. Unknowingly, I've embarked on an odyssey, not of the religious kind but one that is to change the way I see things in life and the way I would now like to live my life.

Through this blog, I hope to share inspiring quotes or teachings which I come across, teachings which are so simple, so obvious yet so often ignored by most of us because we are too preoccupied chasing other 'better' things in life.

Here's the first quote I want to share:

“Often people try to live their lives backwards: they try to have more things or more money, in order to do more of what they want so that they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want.”

~ Margaret Young

Which One’s Nini?

Some of you are curious as to which one is the living rabbit in my post two days ago. Well, this is Nini:


Believe me, it's no easy task trying to take the picture of my rabbit or any rabbit for that matter!

Brokeback Mountain vs Crash

Recently, there was so much hype about 'Brokeback Mountain', the gay movie directed by Ang Lee, based on a story written by Annie Proulx, a Pulitzer Prize winner. I too got all excited about it...the gay theme, an Asian directing a cowboy movie, the many awards it picked up...I just had to watch it on the big screen. Verdict: it was a touching movie that tackled the conflict between societal rules and personal desires.

Then I saw 'Crash', the movie that beat 'BBM' to the Best Picture Award at the recent Oscars. Written and directed by Paul Haggis, it's a politically correct film. That's what I would call it. The story revolved around a diverse group of people whose lives intertwined in the most unexpected ways. It dealt with racial prejudice issues the society normally is reluctant to broach, due to its sensitivity. It also demonstrated the importance of maintaining a clear mind in this highly stressful society. A wrong decision can be so detrimental to this world while a right decision can make this world a much better place to live in.

Being a Chinese, I would love to stand on the side of Ang Lee. But the truth is, I enjoyed 'Crash' more than 'BBM'. It had more entertainment value in terms of the plot and the way the characters and their stories were inter-weaved together.

I don't normally go around dissecting a movie and pick on its flaws after seeing it. Whether a movie tackles social or identity issues, I just want to be entertained when I pay to watch one.

When People Laugh at Us

Every now and then in our lives, we may say the wrong things or make silly mistakes that result in people laughing or mocking at us. Now when that happens, do you get embarrased, upset, even furious?

Nah, don't resort to any witchcraft or wizardry to get back at them. Here's what you should do:

When people laugh, you laugh along with them, so that they end up not laughing at you but with you.

A simple teaching from my idol ~ Ajahn Brahm

Do We Have the Right to Own an Animal?

We human have been keeping animals as pets for thousands of years. But has it occurred to you whether we really have the right to pluck these fellow living beings from their natural habitats and domesticate them? Now since this is an irreversible phenomenon, we must then do our best for these poor animals and be responsible when keeping them in our households.

Last year (correction, year before last), when my brother bought two rabbits for my nieces, my sixth sense told me the rabbits will not be at his house for long. True enough, after only a few weeks, one died and the other landed at my place. My sis-in-law was pregnant and the doctor said animal's fur was bad for her...yeah, right! It was a temporary arrangement but I knew that the rabbit's never going home. This rabbit has been with us for about a year and a half already. His name is Nini, a name my niece picked from a cartoon.
Above picture taken by my 4-yr-old niece

Ok, anyway, I always thought rabbits are silly pets to keep because they can't respond to human like cats and dogs do. But boy, was I wrong! I discovered that rabbits do respond...sometimes. I would let Nini out of his cage every morning for some exercise and food. After he finishes his food, he will be roaming the house, sometimes getting into trouble biting things he's not supposed to bite, like my new shoes, bags, wires! So when he gets real quiet and we don't know where he's hiding, I'll call out his name and guess what? He'll rush out of his hideout and hop towards me, Now isn't that amazing? Even rabbits know their names! Well, the truth is, this rabbit thinks I've got more food for him. :P

I would never have learnt so much about rabbits if not for a friend who owns 8 rabbits. She only had one or two in the beginning but ended up with so many because of some inhumane pet owners who abandoned these poor animals at parks, reservoirs etc. She and her fellow rabbit-loving friends are part of 'House Rabbit Society (Singapore)' or HRSS in short, a non-profit society that hopes to create greater awareness on the needs and welfare of rabbits. Anyone interested in owning a rabbit can try adopting one from the society instead of buying them from the shops.

Most poeple love animals but by playing with them doesn't qualify you as a good pet owner. You got to know how to love them, take care of them. It's never an easy task taking care of animals. Try clearing their poo, day after day, week after week, month after month. You have to do it till their dying day! So, having a pet should never be a short-term affair and definitely not decided impulsively just because the animal looked "sooooo cute!"

I got to go home early tonight to clear Nini's poo box!

For more info on HRSS, visit their website at: htpp://www.hrss.net

Some Zen Sayings

To understand Zen, read between the lines,
where it doesn't say anything.
- Huh?

It is the empty space inside the bowl that is useful.
- Got it?

The tree has no intention to make a reflection.
The water has no mind to give it one.
- Hmm...

Open your mouth, already wrong.
Zen is just like this.

Hungry Eat, Tired Sleep

I finally got my 8 hours sleep last night after a long tiring week. I feel rejuvenated and ready for a new week. A Zen teacher I know always said "Hungry eat, tired sleep." A simple phrase, so meaningful yet so often ignored.

When we're tired, we should learn to put our task down and rest. But very often, we are so caught up with our work, desperately want to do it well, we just don't know how to put it down. We keep worrying about it.

In my work, I do encounter situations whereby my work don't get my client's approval. I would then think so hard to improve on it, hoping to get it right. But sometimes, the more I think about it and 'improved' on it, the worse it gets. At times like these, I just stop work, get out of my office and try not to think about the project. After a day or two, I would re-work on the project, come up with a fresh idea and the result this time would be more satisfactory. Why? I simply cleared my mind, pressed the 'C' button.

A clear mind can see things better. So if we want to perform well, we should work with a clear, uncluttered mind.

A Busy Day to End My Week

Of all days, Saturday is normally my busiest. It's also the day I look forward to most because I volunteer at a self-help group on this day. Today, we brought the kids we teach to a performance at a children's festival. Kids being kids, they were so excited, yak non-stop, made so much noise all the way to the venue. They were so noisy on the bus we couldn't even hear ourselves speak! The performance was quite kiddish so I kind of dozed off in the middle. Not sure if all the kids enjoyed it but as most of them have not been exposed to such performances before, I thought it was an important eye-opener for them.

Upon our return from the show, a stressed looking parent requested to speak to me. Whenever she spoke, she would go on and on about her problems, her kid's problems and expect instant solutions. Today, I told myself I gotta make her see that there's more to life then just worrying about problems. Positive thinking. That's what I wanted to get across. As I talked, she interrupted, as usual. I decided to keep quiet, so quiet, she noticed, stopped her rambling and told me to carry on. Finally she was listening to me! I think we had a good talk. She certainly looked less stressed than when she first walked in. I gave her a squeeze on her shoulder before she left. It's a good start.

I'm not a trained counsellor. But if I speak to people with sincerity, show that I care, I suppose they do listen.

Hope I've made today a little brighter for this struggling single mum.

So tired...I'm going to sleep early.

Nope, Not Just Zen

From what I've posted so far, you get the feeling I'm a Zen junky. Well I am but I'm not just all freaky about Zen. Now, I've also become freaky about movies ever since I saw 'Saving Face'. I've been ranting non-stop about this movie, its cast, its director blah blah blah...and many of my friends can attest to that.

It's the first time in my life I become so obsessed with a movie. And to do it at this age, I surprised even myself. Never, and I mean never, have I ever watched a movie more than twice without getting bored. So how many times have I seen this movie? I lost count!

The movie is similar in nature to Lee Ang's earlier movies such as the Wedding Banquet and Eat Drink Man Woman which I always liked. The story revolved around the Asian American community and had a mix of English and Mandarin dialogues. As one reviewer said: "The characters are not stereotypes but honest portrayals of Chinese Americans dealing with older traditions in modern America." And as a Chinese, I could really relate to the characters, especially the mother-daughter relationship.

SF is actually a low-budget independent movie funded by Will Smith, written and directed by a rookie filmmaker, Alice Wu. She's a gutsy 35-year-old Asian American who wrote a personal story then quit her job as a programmer in Microsoft and spent 5 years making it into her dream movie. What courage and determination! Now how many of us would dare to do that?

So what's the draw? Initially, it was Joan Chen. Never would I imagine the glamorous Joan Chen willing to dress down and play the comedic role of an 'ah soh'. But she did! And did it so well! Then, I noticed Michelle Krusiec, a relatively unknown actress who played the role of Joan's daughter in the movie. Out of curiousity, I surfed on the net for more reviews and interviews, stumbled upon fans' blogs and found that she's totally an opposite of the character she played. She's not only an actress but a very good dancer as well. And due to the limited opportunities as an Asian American actress, she's also involved in a theatre group to pursue her performing interest.

Well, I guess if not for SF, I would not be blogging NOW! Do buy the DVD if you see it.

Movie Synopsis
Saving Face is a romantic comedy about a daughter struggling to understand her mother's heart which ultimately allows her to understand her own. It is the story of unspoken loves, contemporary and cultural taboos, and the journey of 2 women towards living their lives honestly.

The director wrote the story as a love-letter to her mother. Her message, "No matter who you are, whether you're an Asian, black or white, gay or straight, young or old, everyone basically wants to love. Love can start at any point in life. It is never too late to fall in love for the first time."

Synopsis adapted from official site: www.sonyclassics.com/savingface

Me Meditate? You Gotta Be Kidding!

Who would have thought that a hot-headed and impatient gal like me would one day be interested in meditation. It's something I regard as mystical, quite far-fetched and never on my agenda because I associate meditation with a loin-cloth wrapped Indian swarmi with long beard and unkempt hair hibernating all-year round in some remote cave! Well, thanks to a persistent friend who bugged me till I said yes, I attended a free meditation course in Nov 2002 conducted by Dr KK Tan. In fact, by the time I agreed to go, it was already the second lesson.

KK, a medical doctor/pathologist by training, is a meditation instructor with more than 25 years of experience. The course I attended was made possible by a kind lady by the name of Doris Ang. She had been renting community halls for 10 weeks yearly for several years prior to 2002 so that hundreds of people a year could learn and benefit from the experience of KK Tan. As a family life educator, she felt the stress level in Singapore was really worrying and meditation was one good way to help people de-stress.

I can't recall much about my first lesson but I remembered clearly there was no religious propaganda, only pure sharing of meditation practice. Well, I somehow got hooked on this simple practice of focussing on my breathing and went back for more, missing not a single of the balance 8 lessons! In fact, I went back again the following year. Sadly, KK decided that was to be his last year teaching in Singapore due to his age and other reasons. Wasn't I lucky to have benefitted not once but twice from him? I really owe it to the friend who bugged me to attend the course with him.

Now, what then is meditation? It's been given many names like Chan, Zen, Jhana...But what is it? One definition says it's "the moment when one thought leaves before another thought arises" and that is what I perceive it to be. I was taught one-pointed concentration and that focal point was my breathing. When random thoughts arise, observe them, let them pass, go back again to the breathing. Sounds simple? Then try it! As a beginner meditator, I shall not dwell further on the essence of what meditation is or I will end up misguiding people! Anyone interested in the subject should learn from a qualified instructor or read up books written by truly experienced meditators.

But I do want to share on how meditation has changed me. It was really, really tough in the beginning. I needed a lot of self-discipline to keep going and I mean everyday I had to do it! The moment I was lazy and skipped practice once or twice, I'll be struggling with my monkey mind the next time I sat down. But when I persevered, it became a routine, a pleasure, a must and eventually, an addiction!

So how has it helped me? 1) I've not had a night of insomnia ever since I started meditating. 2) I'm now a more disciplined person and am able to keep to certain routines like waking up early for a jog on alternate days. 3) I feel less lethargic and am able to focus better on my work and tasks that involved concentration, such as reading. 4) By being aware of my breathing, I am gradually observing more about myself, like my feelings, whether I'm happy, sad or angry, and my thoughts.

I can go on and on but I think meditation is not really something you can understand just by talking about it. You gotta practice it to internalise it, to appreciate it. And I can assure you, it's neither mystical nor far-fetched! Oh...and no, I don't wear a loin-cloth when I meditate!

After 3 years and 5 months, I still meditate every night before I sleep and sometimes in the morning when I have the time.

...Interested? You know what I'm going to say, "Just do it!"

ps: KK Tan may not be teaching meditation in Singapore anymore but he has a website with many interesting articles on meditation and spirituality. Go read them at: htpp://www.kktanhp.com

Always Thinking, Thinking, Thinking

I decided to have this blog because I'm such a thinking person. Always thinking, thinking, thinking. A Zen master said we human think too much and keep too much on our mind. We should constantly clear it like pressing the 'C' key on the calculator. Well, since I can't clear all of them off, I might as well jot them down if they are interesting.

So this morning on the train, I thought about what my niece said to me last night. This 6-year-old asked me, "Do you believe in Jesus Christ or Gods (as in deities)?" My answer to her was, "I believe in myself." Not sure if she understood me but you know how her question came about? Apparently she wished for 100 marks in her last spelling test but she didn't get it! So this girl has decided since none of them helped her, she is not going to believe in them as yet! That really tickled me and put the smile back on my face after a tiring day in the office.

Isn't it great to have kids around the house sometimes? They will just say the most innocent things and liven up your day.

Only Don't Know

One of the first things that stumped me in my contact with Zen was this seemingly crazy phrase "only don't know" used by Zen masters. How on earth am I supposed to function normally on this earth if I keep telling myself don't know. I am human, I have a brain that knows and works. So how not to know? How am I not to know when I know? You can go crazy thinking about it.

I was pondering over it so much, I tried imagining having a don't know mind. I stopped my thinking and guess what? My mind went blank! Absolutely blank! Now...is that what 'don't know' is all about? I'm not sure about it but the moment my mind went blank, I observed a certain stillness I've never experienced before. My mind was at a standstill, I began to notice my breathing. It was so quiet, peaceful, I realised I was enjoying it. Now is that it? Well, I certainly hope so.

NOW, whenever I have too much on my mind, I practise my version of 'don't know mind', stop all thinking and just breathe.

My Virgin Post

Yes! I've finally succumbed to the temptation of having my own blog so that I can shout out to the world what's on my mind. As at this moment, I'm still not sure if I'm doing the right thing, this thinking aloud thing...but what the h**k! Just do it! That's ZEN and exactly what I've been trying to practise in the last 5 years or more. The late Zen Master Seung Sahn said: "Don't think! Only do it!" Well, I'm doing it now and hopefully I don't live to regret it.