Heart work

Learnt something about heart work recently. It may not be appreciated because it is what you want or your heart wants. But it may not be what the other person wants. The moment the work is done out of wants/needs it's no longer free of thought. The moment it's not free of thought it's no longer real or even sincere. Can it still be truly from the heart?

Treees are therapeutic

The trees so still.
How envious I was again.
Every one so still.
The green ones.
The yellow ones.
The dried ones.
How I envy them.

The people are there.
But they are not there for me.
Neither are the trees there for me.
But the trees will always be there.

The flag is moving.
No, the wind is moving.
What is moving?
Someone by the name of 'I' smiled.

I'm finally back

Every time I see my blog, I have the urge to write something, just to show that I'm still around and not abandoning it, but rest time was just too precious for me to rant on this blog. I've not had the luxury to put my 'harddisk' to rest mode for a long long time to allow me to rant so much.

But I just had to pop in today to rant on something, something which I feel is crucial and of utmost importance to not just me but the society I'm living in. Yes…the just completed elections.

Seeing the results on Sun morning, I fear for the future of us. If my fellow countrymen are going to vote people whom were total strangers to them until three weeks ago into parliament, they are putting me, my family and the country at risk. If my neighbours are going to the polls and putting a cross next to an unfamiliar party symbol just because the other regular party said no to their requests, then I say these people are behaving like spoiled brats throwing tantrums.

Time to do some self-reflection and soul-searching people. Don't just count the things you can't have in life. Why not take note of all the things you have in life and see which list is longer.

Don't be a selfish nincompoop. Nothing is free in life, everything comes with a price, especially democracy. Are you really ready? Don't know? Just do it? Then be prepared to face the consequences.

Latest addiction

Spending some private time with myself at Pasir Ris Park seems to have become my latest addiction. I’ve been doing that the last three weekends. I would cycle, jog or simply sit/lie down by the beach, alone. My initial main aim was to let the morning sun get acquainted with my rather shy and anti-social fair skin but I’ve noticed that the amount of time I spend at the beach seems to be getting longer. Reason? I don’t need to trouble my grey matter when I’m with myself. I just observe the thoughts that flow through my mind and let them pass. No need to ponder over them, neither is there a necessity to react or offer a comment. Just let them flow in and out…into nothingness.

To be able to be alone is such a rare occurrence and luxury in our lives today. I won’t be surprised if many people actually find it a rather frightening experience.

In the past, whenever I’m at the beach, I only noticed the sound of the sea rushing to shore but today I could only hear the rustling of coconut leaves. It was so seductive…I can’t find appropriate words to describe the sound or the feeling. I guess you’ll just have to try experience it yourself. But don’t fret, I did capture some pictures. Here they are in sepia but don’t think they can make any sound, can you hear them? :pp

ps: I obviously shot more than these, if you want to see them all, you can find them on my facebook Link.

Wonderful 2

How many of you have visited MINDS? Do visit any of the centres or schools in Singapore if you have the chance. I was there last Saturday with the group of young volunteers from yuying. I went without really knowing what we were going to do there. A group of volunteers have been organising interactive activities for these intellectually less-abled at MINDS in woodlands every Saturday, some sort like a CCA. Most of the people they are helping are adults i.e. they have already completed their special education, some are even in their 40s. The volunteers address the beneficiaries as “trainees” and themselves as “teachers”. These volunteers organise activities that they hope can help the trainees interact and pick up social skills that they’ve been highly deprived of at home. I was told that most of them are cooped up at home most of the week so they really look forward to this once a week outing to the centre on Saturdays.

Everyone in my group looked a little apprehensive when we just got there, especially after we saw the trainees. I’m sure the same thought went through our minds…will the trainees go berserk and freak us out? When our contact person started pairing us with our trainee, I thought all our faces became even more grave hehehe. I was quite fortunate to get a trainee whom was easy to manage. He was all smiles and very friendly towards me. His name was Andrew but I heard him saying Angel…yes, I felt very puzzled why he kept saying Angel…but in truth, he was indeed angelic.

Though I started out a little tense, the moment we joined in a dance to the tune of Let’s Twist Again with the rest of the people, I felt more at ease. I observed what the rest of the volunteers were doing and just followed along. Before long, my trainee was enjoying himself and I was having fun too! The trainees were also taught balloon sculpting and had to draw a new year card. They then had a tea break. All these activities are aimed at helping them become more independent. For the last activity, we did the Mary Moon (I kept hearing mary moe) dance which I thought really got everyone very high. So fun! Yeah, I enjoyed it as much as the trainees.

Seeing how the young volunteers talked, cajoled, teased, loved and cared for their charges, my mind went ORZZZZ. I saw this guy holding up his trainee’s chin and pulling him back into the activities like 10 times but the smile and care he showed to the trainee never seem to fade. I really kowtow to them. Bravo people! Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap!

I told a close friend recently that this world is wonderful but she didn’t seem convinced. What about the rest of you? Do you think this world is nice or is it crappy and full of suffering? Open up your senses, your eyes, your ears, your heart, surely one day you will see how amazingly wonderful this world is. But you have to take the first step. Do it, ok?

ps: Andrew came over to say bye to me before he left and I hi-5 with him. Should have given him a hug instead, right? :))

Wonderful 1

Was planning to sleep till the sun glared at my butt but auto got up at around 4+ or 5…again. This has been happening ever since my status changed to that of a full-time student last week, self-induced stress I guess. Anyway, somehow or other, I miraculously managed to doze off again but by 6+, I was fully awake…my bro knocked on my door thinking that I may have overslept >_< thanks bro. Sigh…wasn’t going to get my planned 8 hours of sleep. Fine, will go for my run then, I told myself. Have been highly addicted to jogging recently, without my runs, I think I’d be even more stressed up.

So glad I ran today. Being a clear day, as the sun’s rays glazed the trees in the park, I was treated to a visual display of all the different hues of morning…yellow, orange, green. Sigh…what a pretty sight. Ok, those colour names suck and don’t do justice to what I saw. In fact, no words can describe what I saw. Go see for yourself one of these days and you’ll know what I mean. That wasn’t it, the lawrys that often greeted me in the morning, they came in a platoon section this morning…at least 15-20 of them…sighhhh…what a wonderful world.

Here’s the lyrics to one of my favourite songs.

What a Wonderful World
I see trees of green, red roses too
I see them bloom, for me and you
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world

I see skies of blue, and clouds of white
The bright blessed day, dark said good night
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world

The colours of the rainbow, so pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces of people going by
I see friends shaking hands, sayin’, “How do yo do?”
They’re really sayin’, “I love you”

I hear babies cryin’, I watch them grow
They’ll learn much more, than I’ll ever know
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world

Yes, I think to myself
What a wonderful world
Oh yeah…

Ooos and ahhhs

Ahhhhh…how I love those trees…raintrees, flame of the forest, even botak trees! I can stand there and stare forever. I’ve no idea what they’re called but I’m bewitched. Names are of no importance anyway, just love them trees. And those birds, my oh my…whether they’re perched on the branches, flying, about to take flight, and when they call out to each other…sighhhhh. Ok, ok, the more I say, the more “unspecial” they’ll become. Yeah, just see, hear, feel, breathe…even when carrying 10kg of stuff, body feels weightless, mind is free (smiles…smiles…smiles). Oh…has anyone noticed? Those recent mega white blooms on the trees in my estate is overpowering…kind of pungent, I can’t stand them >_<. Oi! Snap out of it! Like it or not, they will be there! But those clouds I saw two days ago had character…layer after layer…ooooooooo. Sigh…

Old habits die hard huh? Yeah, but I’m allowed to make mistakes…because I’m human. But am I aware? Hmmm…I’ll try.

New year new role

Not going to make any new year resolutions this year. Whatever will be will be. I will take on a new role from Monday, will become a student once again. Going back to school after a 20-year break sounds daunting? Yes it is, especially when my classmates are likely to be half my age! ^_^lll Everyone, please pray for me. No need for As, I just want to pass. Happy new year everyone!

Another great gift

My friend painted me this for Christmas. Pretty right? So blessed…I love you friend…muack!!! I can’t paint so hope you enjoy playing with the toy I got you kkkkk.

What irks you?

Does this irk you? I’ve been faced with frowns and asked several times why I’m wearing these beads. I’m sure there’ve been many curious others who also wanted to ask but didn’t know how. Well, my soulmate gave it to me and I simply LOVE these beads! The unfinished feel…of being with nature…of peace…of me.

Now why can’t I just wear it without inviting strange stares? People are weird. I was once weird so I understand. What really irks you? (grins as I write…correction, type! :))

It’s Christmas already?

I started receiving my gifts today. Firstly, I finally got my pay adjusted to a figure I’m happy with. I have to be happy with it because it is the maximum that my employer can give me. They gave me my new pay from today and have even back paid me all the arrears I was entitled to. I also received my pro-rated bonus based on this new pay and everything was credited into my account today hehe.

But that’s not all…yup, not the end of the celebrations yet. I just received a new 32G iPhone 3Gs during dinner ~ yahooooooo!!! It’s a Christmas gift from my old pal and she had to queue, convince, coerce, threaten…well, she basically 'chuan' the people at M1 to get it for me. She said it was in celebration of everything…my new job, my studies, my upcoming trip etc etc. You are simply incredible pal! Love you, muack!!!

I’m going to sign away my freedom tomorrow for the next four years but I’m not the least worried because I’ve not been thinking about freedom in the last five months and don’t think I will for quite a while. In fact, I like this lost of freedom because it has finally freed my mind.

Have I mentioned my favourite phrase lately? Never mind, I just have to shout it out again…LIFE is BEAUTIFUL! ^_^

What’s this floral?

Anyone knows the name of this flower? I shot these at the park connector near my place. Was stunned by it. It doesn’t seem to last though. The composition I saw in the morning had fallen off by evening. But I thought it looked even more mesmeric after the white petals fell off. Felt so privileged to be allowed to admire its magnificence. Love it!

Adapting

Twice this week I was out dining with friends much younger than me and both times when I paid for my food, I paid only for what I ate and got back my change down to the last cent. Close friends of mine know that I don’t like quibbling over expenses for food. In fact, I’ve got the habit of rounding up the amount when I had to pay others while I round down when I collect. This week’s experience of getting back small change seemed…weird. Yeah, it did require a little adapting but I am fine with that ’cos I do like the company of young people. I let them do the decision making and will do what they tell me to do. ^_^

There is hope…definitely

I spent my last Saturday afternoon sitting in an auditorium listening to a group of people report on the work that’s been done in the past as well as chart out their plans for the near future. Usually at such ‘gatherings’, I expect the presentation to be boring, some participants to be irritating and the mood to be generally dull and monotonous. It was indeed boring when the organisers presented the usual data and info but miraculously, the tempo began to pick up when the minister spoke and the floor fielded question at him and his five other counterparts, all MPs and/or ministers.

What got me thrilled enough to want to blog about it is, all these work were not for the benefit of the participants themselves but other people…technically strangers to us all. In other words, we were listening, debating, discussing on how we could help someone else’s kids, someone else’s parents, someone else’s families. It was simply amazing to hear volunteers from all walks of life stand up and articulate their observations and concern for the less fortunate amongst our kind.

A young high school girl shared her concern for the elderly, a principal couldn’t help but wondered aloud if we could do something to help students in schools with their emotional needs, a guy in his fifties commented on how impressed he was with the organisation as he had always thought that only Chinese-speaking people volunteered here. The truth was there were non-Chinese seated amongst us. The mic was never rested but passed from person to person until the minister had to end the discussion due to the other engagements of the panel.

Only one word to describe how I felt to be seated among this group of people…heartwarming! I never realised until now how silly I’ve been in picking at all the things the organisation could do, should do but did not do that I overlooked the things the organisation did do over the years. By the fact that such a huge number of people (reportedly to be 67,000) have benefited from the various programmes plus the continual presence of the participants at such seminars have proven that warmth can still be felt on this hard, tough earth.

The truth is, we cannot help everyone but we can definitely help someone. The cup was never half empty…it has always been half full, at least. How blind I’ve been. There is hope after all…definitely! ^_^

Going through a life renewal process

I thought I should just post a quickie, just in case some of you think that I’ve abandoned my blog. No I’ve not. It’s just that there have been some major shift in my career so I’ve been extremely busy. Yes, I have been busy working. Finally!

For the last two months, I have been physically and mentally challenged by 13 to 18-year-olds so you should be able to guess what’s my new job. Although my stress-level has been extremely high, I have been enjoying every moment of it. Ok, perhaps not every moment but most of it. Do I sound weird? Or a little berserk? I am actually going through what I feel is a “life renewal process”, a process that I badly needed to rejuvenate me and keep me going in life. It has stopped me from thinking so I am rather pleased with what’s been happening to me so far. I shall update you guys when the time is more appropriate or when I have time to pause for a breather. Hope everyone is living. Living? O_o Yeah, living! ‘Cos I’ve realised I’ve not been living for quite a while :)) Happy living!

Siem Reap photo-essay

Going to Siem Reap to see the Angkor Wat has been on my mind for quite a while. I finally made the trip there last month with my friends. I was quite blown away by the historical monuments and more importantly, the smile and hospitality of the Cambodians. With their civil history, one would expect to see lots of suffering and unhappy faces in this place but almost all the locals we met were friendly, sincere and very helpful. This is definitely one place that I would put on my short getaway list. I don’t want to write a long description of what I saw. Here’s my photo-essay on Siem Reap which means “Seam defeated”. Enjoy…

Making mistakes

Have you observed what goes through your mind when you make a mistake, when you’re “wrong”? Generally, if it’s a genuine mistake and I accept the fact that I was wrong, I would feel apologetic or remorseful and would make amends for it. If I don’t like the mistake, I would feel embarrassed. If I don’t agree that I made a mistake (this is the worst me), I would argue and even become angry. Why all these rantings about mistakes and being wrong? Well, I seem to be making mistakes after mistakes recently and I want to know why I was feeling the way I was feeling or rather, why did I react the way I reacted.

One mistake I made a couple of weeks back due to a poor judgement caused me to look foolish and having to admit to my foolishness is not exactly my cup of tea (ok ok, I do note that’s big ‘I’ commenting). Why is it that I can’t help feeling uneasy sometimes when I’m wrong? What is that uneasy feeling? Where did that feeling come from? Why do my instincts tell me to react by arguing?

Rebutting, disputing, arguing just to prove that I was not wrong, is not supposed to be in my “to do list”. I say it’s time to do a review.

Jazz and erhu do gel

What comes to mind when you think of jazz? A rendition of blues, swing or syncopated rhythms? For me, I’ve always stereotyped it as elevator music or music that can put me to zzzZZ. Now what about Chinese orchestra? I’m sure the image of erhu, pipa, guzheng clanging operatic or traditional music would surface. I got a taste of the combination of both last night at a concert, yes both. The ensemble of two groups of musicians showed me how grossly outdated and wrong I was with my stereotypical opinion.

Our local Chinese orchestra performed jazz pieces together with an American trio jazz band at the concert. With cleverly arranged pieces, they proved to the audience that eastern and western music do mix, erhu and jazz can gel. As the erhu, pipa, and recorder soloists took turns to spar with the jazz band, this audience who went in on a free ticket couldn't stop applauding at the end of every piece. I could see that not just me and the other audience were enjoying the performance, the musicians too were having a ball of a time themselves playing music they don’t normally play. They even performed a classic Bach piece, Prelude in D minor and I loved that arrangement the most, almost wanting to jump up to give them an ovation but too shy to do it because no one else did.

I have to admit I went to the concert half-expecting to fall asleep but the performers didn’t dish me any single moment of boredom. I was totally enthralled by this rare, untypical performance. It’s not just the audio-visual enjoyment I experienced but the revelry of different cultures putting aside their differences, coming together in the sharing of what was common to them, their belief and love for music. If only we humans could apply this to every aspect of our day-to-day living. I do hope to see such a day in this world, in time (or lives) to come.

Five thumbs up for this marvelous performance!

Insanity, any purpose?

A granduncle whom I’ve never met died a couple of days ago, at age 66. He’s younger than my dad. I know very little about this relative, whatever that I know about him, I heard from my mum. He was the youngest child of my great-grandfather. According to my mum, this granduncle was very bright and being the youngest, he was doted on. Unfortunately, he developed some mental problems while studying overseas. He had to come back and I presumed his condition must have been so serious and no one could take care of him that he was placed in the mental hospital, for more than 40 years I estimate. He didn’t die from an illness in there but choked to his death.

When my grandma was still alive, my mum did accompany her to visit him at the mental hospital. Besides them, I think his sister was his only other visitor. Surprisingly, despite his insanity, he actually recognised them. Back then, he was already gorging down the food they brought him so I guess it didn’t come as a surprise to anyone when the hospital said he choked and died.

I’m just wondering, what is god’s purpose in making a person experience insanity and locked up almost all his life, practically forgotten by his family members? Is an insane person aware of his mind? What could he have learnt from being mad that can help him in his journey of life?

Am I thinking too much again? Ok, just ignore me. I’m not mad…not yet.

Which is worse

I wrote this on my mac:
“Which is worse? Knowing what you want in life but not being able to have it or not knowing what you want in life at all?”

I was planning to write a huge chunk on why I think the latter is worse but I walked away from my computer to do something in the kitchen and when I came back, I saw this:
“I don't know.”

My 10-year-old niece wrote that. Don‘t you think the answer was brilliant? Age does not necessarily assure you of the answers in life. A ‘don’t know’ mind does.

Just live for goodness sake.