魚的嘴巴會痛 – Life Before Zen (1)

Many years ago, I had a passion for fishing. I remember fondly those days when I went to the Southern Islands, Changi and the Raffles Lighthouse on boat trips with my fishing buddies from Mindef. So much fun I had then with those national servicemen (NSmen) from my department. I was on such friendly terms with those guys that I even got ticked off by my boss for not drawing a line between an officer and NSmen. I remember being quite pissed off by his comment. Who was he to tell me how I should treat my friends. I guess that was probably one of the contributing factors for me resigning from that job.

On some Sundays when I didn’t have any company for fishing, I would go to Bedok Jetty by myself early in the morning before my family woke up. I had to sneak out of the house quietly with my fishing equipment because my dad disapproved of me fishing. I couldn’t comprehend then why he didn’t approve of fishing when he himself had been a fishing enthusiast when I was still a kid. He would travel all the way to Malaysia to fish and often return with huge ice box full of fish and squids.

Anyway, I loved fishing because it was one hobby that could take my mind off everything and I mean everything. The moment I took out my fishing tackles and cast the line into the sea, I forgot all my worries, fears, anger and frustrations in life. My focus would be entirely on the line, waiting patiently for the fish to take the bite. Whether I was using a rod or a hand-line, the moment I felt the fish bite the bait and tugged at the line, the adrenaline rush I got was amazing…beyond words. Until today I can still remember the feeling of the vibration of the line in my hand.

One day, I think about 10 years ago, a friend asked me, 『你去釣魚？魚的嘴巴會痛喔！』(“You go fishing? The fish’s mouth will hurt!”) At that point in time, I didn’t think much about what that friend said but strangely enough, I actually gave up fishing. I can’t remember exactly when it happened but it was probably six to eight years ago. The thought of the hook being lodged in the fish’s mouth or eye was just too unbearable. I visualised a hook being stuck in my mouth or eye and imagined the pain when the hook was being removed and that was it. No more fishing for me.

Some of you must be wondering, why mention about fishing? You see, after all these years, I still have my fishing equipment in my room and I face this dilemma, should I give them away to current fishing enthusiasts or should I throw them away? I spent quite a bit of money buying those stuff so throwing them away would be very wasteful. But if I gave them away, I would indirectly be responsible for more fish being hurt by the hooks.

What do you suggest?