Experiencing a Zen Retreat

Part of my new year resolution was to join in at least one or two retreats this year. I did just that a few days ago. Was in Pengerang, Malaysia on a zen retreat from Thursday late afternoon till Saturday morning. It was supposed to last until Sunday but I had to rush back for my voluntary work duties on Saturday. Yup, that’s something I can’t put down all these years.

This wasn’t the first retreat for me but it definitely left a lasting impression because I got double the dosage as compared to my first attempt. In those three days, I went through almost two complete cycles of zen sitting, chanting, bowing, eating, dharma talks, basically zen living in almost total silence. I even had to attend interviews (小參) with the zen teacher.

Eating
Me and my friends got to the zen centre at around 5pm. The other participants were already there and were being briefed on the zen eating formalities. I joined in and was quite amused by the fuss over such a simple thing as eating.

We each were issued a set of bowls, a pair of chopsticks plus two cloths, a small one for wiping and a big one for wrapping up the bowls and we had to eat with that same set of bowls for every meal. We sit in groups of six in a table and food was passed around in a systematic manner. Any food that we took had to be consumed, nothing wasted. After we finished our food, we used some hot water and a slice of cucumber to ‘wash’ the bowls. We then had to eat the cucumber and drink up the water as well, wipe the bowls dry with the small cloth then bundle everything up with the big cloth. The bowls were not washed throughout the retreat…hehehe!

I know some of you must be frowning but it wasn’t really that bad. I think the training was to make us less picky about eating and treasure every drop, every speck that can be eaten. Also, it advocates together action. Everyone had to eat together and wait for everyone to finish before we can clean the bowls. But slow eaters may feel the pressure because everyone could have finished their food and be waiting for just that one person to finish up before we could commence ‘washing’.

Sleeping and Waking
We had to get up at 4am everyday. That of course meant we slept early too. Normally we’ll be in bed before 10pm. Someone will ring a bell at exactly 4am in the morning to wake us up so no alarm clocks needed. I was actually quite glad to hear the bell every morning because I had a tough time falling asleep on the hard surface and spent most of the night tossing and turning. Upon hearing the bell, everyone had to get up, quickly wash up and by 4.20am, be seated on our zen cushion at the meditation hall for the first sitting.

Sitting
I love the first sitting of the day. The sky is still dark, the air is thin and cool, gives a calm feeling I rarely experience back home… so serene. It’s so quiet that it makes me feel I’ve got the ears of a dog because I can pick up every single sound from the nature…the crickets, the lizards and something else that goes “qwuck, qwuck, qwuck, qwuck” while we were meditating.

At every sitting, the chugpi master will hit the chugpi (something that looks like a bamboo but split open on one end) three times, “piak, piak, piak” to signal the commencement of the session and will do the same at the end of the 40min session. I noticed that during the first sitting, whenever he hit the chugpi, something in the natural habitat will imitate the sound and go “qwuck, qwuck, qwuck, qwuck” I had to control my laughter each time I heard the sound otherwise I may be whacked on the head by the chugpi master…muahaha! Hmm…what could that sound be? Could it be the sound of toads? O_o

The chugpi master also had the duty to go round and hit meditators on their back with a long stick that looks a bit like a ruler whenever anyone felt sleepy or needed a ‘massage’ on the back. I noticed that he enforced two types of hitting. One goes like ‘piak, piak’ but another goes ‘PIAK! PIAK!’…really loud. Hmmm…must be different treatment for male and female meditators I guess. Oh yes…the unknown species in the natural habitat went “qwuck, qwuck, qwuck” as well whenever someone got hit. Gee…was I watching my thoughts or observing the sounds. >_<

We had to sit two sessions in the early morning, three more sessions after breakfast, another three more after lunch and one last time before the dharma talk in the evening. Nine times in total if I remember correctly.

Bowing
After the first sitting, we had to do 108 prostrations. I kind of enjoyed this activity as well because it is amazing to see everyone doing the prostrations in such an orderly and uniformed manner. I must say the zen teacher was quite nice by keeping to a slow tempo and not cause undue distress to the older participants. I managed to complete the 108 bows without much panting.

I’ve experienced this activity before but was still quite worried that my leg muscles may ache in the second day and affect my participation in this activity. But surprisingly, I had no problem doing it as well on the second day, thanks to the yoga instructor who taught us some very effective stretching exercises. ^_^

Chanting
I’m never really a sutra person and didn’t really enjoy chanting, especially when I don’t understand what was being chanted. But at the retreat, there wasn’t a choice so I had to keep a just do it mind.

We had morning and evening chanting and actually chanted some sutras in Korean. I remember during my first retreat, I couldn’t follow the Korean chanting and gave up trying so I left the sutra book on the cushion and just held my palms together. But this time round, friends around me told me which page of the book to flip to so I managed to follow through.

Korean chanting is kind of super slow. I’ve heard them in some movies but when I had to do it myself, it certainly was quite a challenge because we had to drag each syllable or word for soooooooo long. And we didn’t sound as nice as in the movies…hehe!

Interview
No zen retreat would be complete without an interview with the teacher. This was my first proper interview and the teacher taught me the fundamentals of zen.
“A thousand dharma returns to one. Where does the one return to?” “Piak!”
“What is a dog?” “Piak!”
“Is that all?” “Wow! Wow!”
etc, etc.
I got stuck on the butterfly…hahaha! Need to give him the answer when I next meet him. @_@

After my second interview, I was finally allowed to 下山 or ‘descend from the mountain’ by the zen teacher…yippy!

My Afterthoughts
Those three days were peaceful, quiet and gave me a much needed break from my usual lifestyle. The retreat was definitely challenging and unforgettable. I had to do things which I don’t normally do, dislike to do, never did before. We even experienced water rationing on the first two days due to a shortage of water caused by a burst water pipe.

Living with people, most of whom I don’t know was also a learning experience. When I see them smile, I smile back. No speech needed, just an international body language…smile. When I see someone needing help, just need to go forward and lend a hand. Everyone just helped out in practically everything. Together action.

However, I couldn’t overcome one thought…PAIN! due to the many unprecedented rounds of sitting. It made my ankle and knee joints suffer and that one thought kept appearing in my mind…PAIN PAIN PAIN.

One voice kept telling me “Endure, endure…you can do it.” Another voice told me “It’s too painful, don’t be mad…give up now!” I really wanted to test my endurance to the limit but when I was beginning to sprout cold sweat, the second voice told me I could become a paraplegic if I kept pushing myself to sit in that semi-lotus position without moving. So I listened to that voice and quietly stretched my legs out in front of me every now and then to relieve the pain.

I believe I’ve not been sitting in the correct posture even though I’ve been meditating for so many years. Or, I need more stretching exercises before my sitting. Will need to investigate that.

But Eckhart Tolle has also taught me that “Nothing is more normal than an unwillingness to suffer. If we let go of that unwillingness and instead allow the pain to be there, we may notice a subtle inner separation from the pain. When we suffer consciously, physical pain can quickly burn up the ego in us, since ego consists largely of resistance.”

Ego again. Will need to try it out at the next retreat…but not so soon as yet. Do need a little time to recuperate from this one. But it definitely won’t be my last!

Flowers
I managed to take some pictures of the flowers during the break times. Here they are: