What is this thing called Love?

I took a day off again yesterday to recover from my football fever. I was out the entire afternoon, shopping, reading at the library, getting my hair trimmed…doing everything except thinking about my work and also my internet…yeah, had to get away from that addiction.

While in the library, I stumbled upon this book ‘What is Love? - A simple buddhist guide to romantic happiness’ by Taro Gold.

Pinkheart talked about this topic recently and a lot of friends had different opinions. It actually made me think a little about it too, something I never seriously thought about. Anyway, I browsed through this book and found it interesting and would like to share some of the things the author has taught me.

But friends, I am just thinking some things aloud and sharing with you people here. It has nothing to do with my life right now, ok? So please don’t read too much into it, 不要想太多!

The first thing that hit me when I read the book was this statement: “Ignorance with love is better than knowledge without it.” How true a statement. Sometimes, I feel that I seem to know so much about love or loving someone but what good is all that knowledge when there’s none in my life? The people around me who seem so ignorant but yet are able to fall in love with such ease are definitely the more fortunate lot.

So, is it better to love someone or be loved by someone? (到底是愛人好還是被愛好呢？) I think either way, there’s happiness in there so everyone should just accept it when it happens. Just remember to enjoy the happiness.

The writer says to love is to desire something one lacks. A person who seems already whole will ultimately be unattractive to us because if he or she isn’t lacking in anything, then what would he or she need us for right? If we are looking for someone to perfectly match our wish list, we can expect to be single for a long while, perhaps even forever. Perfection is but a fantasy and until we satisfy within ourselves whatever we perceive to be our own inadequacies, we will never feel satisfied by a relationship.

“Being in love is not finding a perfect person but finding an imperfect person perfect.” Do you agree with the author? I certainly do. I think I’ve mentioned before that I‘ve been looking for the 100% perfect guy and I do know that it’s a fantasy. The author has confirmed that. Time to be less fussy huh? Hehe!

Friends who are in love, have loved before or seeking love, have you ever wondered what kind of love partner you are? The author says that there are three types of love partners, the dependent, independent and contributive love partners. Read on to find out which type you belong to.

A dependent love partner will give love but with strings attached. Such people tend to be controlling, manipulative and even selfish. An independent love partner however, will have mutual respect and a strong sense of individuality. Such people give love freely without expectations and will tell you to do what you do because it is the right thing to do.

A contributive love partner will share a sense of mission in life. Such people give love freely not only for each other’s nourishment but also towards a greater good of humanity. They are not content to help only themselves but passionately support others to improve their lives and become happy as well. In other words, the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.

Ajahn Brahm has also taught that to have a long lasting relationship, we must only think of ‘us’ in the relationship. Not ‘I’, not ‘you’, but only ‘us’.

So what kind of love partner are you? Do think about it.

Shakyamuni said, “We don’t love what we desire. We desire what we love.” When looking for love, seek someone with whom we can share our life with and work towards our dreams. Friends, please don’t ever seek someone to fill a void in your life. That would be real sad.

As for me, I’m really reluctant to give up my freedom for that one person, especially if it hinders my spiritual journey. But if my G-plan insists that I do meet this person, I hope I am a contributive love partner and I can say to my partner, “I love you not only for who you are but for who I am when I am with you.” ~ Roy Croft

But Woody Allen once said, “To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore to love is to suffer and not to love is to suffer.”

So either way, there’s still suffering…so how? Acknowledge the suffering then put it down. Work on the happiness instead! Happiness will make the relationship successful. Right?

Don’t think! Just love. Just do it.