Now & Zen

Treees are therapeutic

2011-09-18T19:31:00.002+08:00

The trees so still.
How envious I was again.
Every one so still.
The green ones.
The yellow ones.
The dried ones.
How I envy them.

The people are there.
But they are not there for me.
Neither are the trees there for me.
But the trees will always be there.

The flag is moving.
No, the wind is moving.
What is moving?
Someone by the name of 'I' smiled.

I'm finally back

2011-05-10T17:54:00.003+08:00

Every time I see my blog, I have the urge to write something, just to show that I'm still around and not abandoning it, but rest time was just too precious for me to rant on this blog. I've not had the luxury to put my 'harddisk' to rest mode for a long long time to allow me to rant so much.

But I just had to pop in today to rant on something, something which I feel is crucial and of utmost importance to not just me but the society I'm living in. Yes…the just completed elections.

Seeing the results on Sun morning, I fear for the future of us. If my fellow countrymen are going to vote people whom were total strangers to them until three weeks ago into parliament, they are putting me, my family and the country at risk. If my neighbours are going to the polls and putting a cross next to an unfamiliar party symbol just because the other regular party said no to their requests, then I say these people are behaving like spoiled brats throwing tantrums.

Time to do some self-reflection and soul-searching people. Don't just count the things you can't have in life. Why not take note of all the things you have in life and see which list is longer.

Don't be a selfish nincompoop. Nothing is free in life, everything comes with a price, especially democracy. Are you really ready? Don't know? Just do it? Then be prepared to face the consequences.

Latest addiction

2010-02-07T23:02:00.009+08:00

Spending some private time with myself at Pasir Ris Park seems to have become my latest addiction. I’ve been doing that the last three weekends. I would cycle, jog or simply sit/lie down by the beach, alone. My initial main aim was to let the morning sun get acquainted with my rather shy and anti-social fair skin but I’ve noticed that the amount of time I spend at the beach seems to be getting longer. Reason? I don’t need to trouble my grey matter when I’m with myself. I just observe the thoughts that flow through my mind and let them pass. No need to ponder over them, neither is there a necessity to react or offer a comment. Just let them flow in and out…into nothingness.

To be able to be alone is such a rare occurrence and luxury in our lives today. I won’t be surprised if many people actually find it a rather frightening experience.

In the past, whenever I’m at the beach, I only noticed the sound of the sea rushing to shore but today I could only hear the rustling of coconut leaves. It was so seductive…I can’t find appropriate words to describe the sound or the feeling. I guess you’ll just have to try experience it yourself. But don’t fret, I did capture some pictures. Here they are in sepia but don’t think they can make any sound, can you hear them? :pp

ps: I obviously shot more than these, if you want to see them all, you can find them on my facebook Link.

Wonderful 2

2010-01-12T10:58:00.004+08:00

How many of you have visited MINDS? Do visit any of the centres or schools in Singapore if you have the chance. I was there last Saturday with the group of young volunteers from yuying. I went without really knowing what we were going to do there. A group of volunteers have been organising interactive activities for these intellectually less-abled at MINDS in woodlands every Saturday, some sort like a CCA. Most of the people they are helping are adults i.e. they have already completed their special education, some are even in their 40s. The volunteers address the beneficiaries as “trainees” and themselves as “teachers”. These volunteers organise activities that they hope can help the trainees interact and pick up social skills that they’ve been highly deprived of at home. I was told that most of them are cooped up at home most of the week so they really look forward to this once a week outing to the centre on Saturdays.

Everyone in my group looked a little apprehensive when we just got there, especially after we saw the trainees. I’m sure the same thought went through our minds…will the trainees go berserk and freak us out? When our contact person started pairing us with our trainee, I thought all our faces became even more grave hehehe. I was quite fortunate to get a trainee whom was easy to manage. He was all smiles and very friendly towards me. His name was Andrew but I heard him saying Angel…yes, I felt very puzzled why he kept saying Angel…but in truth, he was indeed angelic.

Though I started out a little tense, the moment we joined in a dance to the tune of Let’s Twist Again with the rest of the people, I felt more at ease. I observed what the rest of the volunteers were doing and just followed along. Before long, my trainee was enjoying himself and I was having fun too! The trainees were also taught balloon sculpting and had to draw a new year card. They then had a tea break. All these activities are aimed at helping them become more independent. For the last activity, we did the Mary Moon (I kept hearing mary moe) dance which I thought really got everyone very high. So fun! Yeah, I enjoyed it as much as the trainees.

Seeing how the young volunteers talked, cajoled, teased, loved and cared for their charges, my mind went ORZZZZ. I saw this guy holding up his trainee’s chin and pulling him back into the activities like 10 times but the smile and care he showed to the trainee never seem to fade. I really kowtow to them. Bravo people! Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap!

I told a close friend recently that this world is wonderful but she didn’t seem convinced. What about the rest of you? Do you think this world is nice or is it crappy and full of suffering? Open up your senses, your eyes, your ears, your heart, surely one day you will see how amazingly wonderful this world is. But you have to take the first step. Do it, ok?

ps: Andrew came over to say bye to me before he left and I hi-5 with him. Should have given him a hug instead, right? :))

Wonderful 1

2010-01-10T09:29:00.009+08:00

Was planning to sleep till the sun glared at my butt but auto got up at around 4+ or 5…again. This has been happening ever since my status changed to that of a full-time student last week, self-induced stress I guess. Anyway, somehow or other, I miraculously managed to doze off again but by 6+, I was fully awake…my bro knocked on my door thinking that I may have overslept >_< thanks bro. Sigh…wasn’t going to get my planned 8 hours of sleep. Fine, will go for my run then, I told myself. Have been highly addicted to jogging recently, without my runs, I think I’d be even more stressed up.

So glad I ran today. Being a clear day, as the sun’s rays glazed the trees in the park, I was treated to a visual display of all the different hues of morning…yellow, orange, green. Sigh…what a pretty sight. Ok, those colour names suck and don’t do justice to what I saw. In fact, no words can describe what I saw. Go see for yourself one of these days and you’ll know what I mean. That wasn’t it, the lawrys that often greeted me in the morning, they came in a platoon section this morning…at least 15-20 of them…sighhhh…what a wonderful world.

Here’s the lyrics to one of my favourite songs.

What a Wonderful World
I see trees of green, red roses too
I see them bloom, for me and you
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world

I see skies of blue, and clouds of white
The bright blessed day, dark said good night
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world

The colours of the rainbow, so pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces of people going by
I see friends shaking hands, sayin’, “How do yo do?”
They’re really sayin’, “I love you”

I hear babies cryin’, I watch them grow
They’ll learn much more, than I’ll ever know
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world

Yes, I think to myself
What a wonderful world
Oh yeah…

Ooos and ahhhs

2010-01-06T21:34:00.008+08:00

Ahhhhh…how I love those trees…raintrees, flame of the forest, even botak trees! I can stand there and stare forever. I’ve no idea what they’re called but I’m bewitched. Names are of no importance anyway, just love them trees. And those birds, my oh my…whether they’re perched on the branches, flying, about to take flight, and when they call out to each other…sighhhhh. Ok, ok, the more I say, the more “unspecial” they’ll become. Yeah, just see, hear, feel, breathe…even when carrying 10kg of stuff, body feels weightless, mind is free (smiles…smiles…smiles). Oh…has anyone noticed? Those recent mega white blooms on the trees in my estate is overpowering…kind of pungent, I can’t stand them >_<. Oi! Snap out of it! Like it or not, they will be there! But those clouds I saw two days ago had character…layer after layer…ooooooooo. Sigh…

Old habits die hard huh? Yeah, but I’m allowed to make mistakes…because I’m human. But am I aware? Hmmm…I’ll try.

New year new role

2010-01-02T13:57:00.004+08:00

Not going to make any new year resolutions this year. Whatever will be will be. I will take on a new role from Monday, will become a student once again. Going back to school after a 20-year break sounds daunting? Yes it is, especially when my classmates are likely to be half my age! ^_^lll Everyone, please pray for me. No need for As, I just want to pass. Happy new year everyone!

Another great gift

2009-12-24T15:14:00.005+08:00

My friend painted me this for Christmas. Pretty right? So blessed…I love you friend…muack!!! I can’t paint so hope you enjoy playing with the toy I got you kkkkk.

What irks you?

2009-12-24T14:55:00.005+08:00

Does this irk you? I’ve been faced with frowns and asked several times why I’m wearing these beads. I’m sure there’ve been many curious others who also wanted to ask but didn’t know how. Well, my soulmate gave it to me and I simply LOVE these beads! The unfinished feel…of being with nature…of peace…of me.

Now why can’t I just wear it without inviting strange stares? People are weird. I was once weird so I understand. What really irks you? (grins as I write…correction, type! :))

It’s Christmas already?

2009-12-12T00:39:00.000+08:00

I started receiving my gifts today. Firstly, I finally got my pay adjusted to a figure I’m happy with. I have to be happy with it because it is the maximum that my employer can give me. They gave me my new pay from today and have even back paid me all the arrears I was entitled to. I also received my pro-rated bonus based on this new pay and everything was credited into my account today hehe.

But that’s not all…yup, not the end of the celebrations yet. I just received a new 32G iPhone 3Gs during dinner ~ yahooooooo!!! It’s a Christmas gift from my old pal and she had to queue, convince, coerce, threaten…well, she basically 'chuan' the people at M1 to get it for me. She said it was in celebration of everything…my new job, my studies, my upcoming trip etc etc. You are simply incredible pal! Love you, muack!!!

I’m going to sign away my freedom tomorrow for the next four years but I’m not the least worried because I’ve not been thinking about freedom in the last five months and don’t think I will for quite a while. In fact, I like this lost of freedom because it has finally freed my mind.

Have I mentioned my favourite phrase lately? Never mind, I just have to shout it out again…LIFE is BEAUTIFUL! ^_^

What’s this floral?

2009-12-06T16:48:00.003+08:00

Anyone knows the name of this flower? I shot these at the park connector near my place. Was stunned by it. It doesn’t seem to last though. The composition I saw in the morning had fallen off by evening. But I thought it looked even more mesmeric after the white petals fell off. Felt so privileged to be allowed to admire its magnificence. Love it!

Adapting

2009-12-06T14:02:00.003+08:00

Twice this week I was out dining with friends much younger than me and both times when I paid for my food, I paid only for what I ate and got back my change down to the last cent. Close friends of mine know that I don’t like quibbling over expenses for food. In fact, I’ve got the habit of rounding up the amount when I had to pay others while I round down when I collect. This week’s experience of getting back small change seemed…weird. Yeah, it did require a little adapting but I am fine with that ’cos I do like the company of young people. I let them do the decision making and will do what they tell me to do. ^_^

There is hope…definitely

2009-11-17T00:09:00.004+08:00

I spent my last Saturday afternoon sitting in an auditorium listening to a group of people report on the work that’s been done in the past as well as chart out their plans for the near future. Usually at such ‘gatherings’, I expect the presentation to be boring, some participants to be irritating and the mood to be generally dull and monotonous. It was indeed boring when the organisers presented the usual data and info but miraculously, the tempo began to pick up when the minister spoke and the floor fielded question at him and his five other counterparts, all MPs and/or ministers.

What got me thrilled enough to want to blog about it is, all these work were not for the benefit of the participants themselves but other people…technically strangers to us all. In other words, we were listening, debating, discussing on how we could help someone else’s kids, someone else’s parents, someone else’s families. It was simply amazing to hear volunteers from all walks of life stand up and articulate their observations and concern for the less fortunate amongst our kind.

A young high school girl shared her concern for the elderly, a principal couldn’t help but wondered aloud if we could do something to help students in schools with their emotional needs, a guy in his fifties commented on how impressed he was with the organisation as he had always thought that only Chinese-speaking people volunteered here. The truth was there were non-Chinese seated amongst us. The mic was never rested but passed from person to person until the minister had to end the discussion due to the other engagements of the panel.

Only one word to describe how I felt to be seated among this group of people…heartwarming! I never realised until now how silly I’ve been in picking at all the things the organisation could do, should do but did not do that I overlooked the things the organisation did do over the years. By the fact that such a huge number of people (reportedly to be 67,000) have benefited from the various programmes plus the continual presence of the participants at such seminars have proven that warmth can still be felt on this hard, tough earth.

The truth is, we cannot help everyone but we can definitely help someone. The cup was never half empty…it has always been half full, at least. How blind I’ve been. There is hope after all…definitely! ^_^

Going through a life renewal process

2009-09-29T22:44:00.002+08:00

I thought I should just post a quickie, just in case some of you think that I’ve abandoned my blog. No I’ve not. It’s just that there have been some major shift in my career so I’ve been extremely busy. Yes, I have been busy working. Finally!

For the last two months, I have been physically and mentally challenged by 13 to 18-year-olds so you should be able to guess what’s my new job. Although my stress-level has been extremely high, I have been enjoying every moment of it. Ok, perhaps not every moment but most of it. Do I sound weird? Or a little berserk? I am actually going through what I feel is a “life renewal process”, a process that I badly needed to rejuvenate me and keep me going in life. It has stopped me from thinking so I am rather pleased with what’s been happening to me so far. I shall update you guys when the time is more appropriate or when I have time to pause for a breather. Hope everyone is living. Living? O_o Yeah, living! ‘Cos I’ve realised I’ve not been living for quite a while :)) Happy living!

Siem Reap photo-essay

2009-07-17T23:22:00.002+08:00

Going to Siem Reap to see the Angkor Wat has been on my mind for quite a while. I finally made the trip there last month with my friends. I was quite blown away by the historical monuments and more importantly, the smile and hospitality of the Cambodians. With their civil history, one would expect to see lots of suffering and unhappy faces in this place but almost all the locals we met were friendly, sincere and very helpful. This is definitely one place that I would put on my short getaway list. I don’t want to write a long description of what I saw. Here’s my photo-essay on Siem Reap which means “Seam defeated”. Enjoy…

Making mistakes

2009-07-13T16:15:00.003+08:00

Have you observed what goes through your mind when you make a mistake, when you’re “wrong”? Generally, if it’s a genuine mistake and I accept the fact that I was wrong, I would feel apologetic or remorseful and would make amends for it. If I don’t like the mistake, I would feel embarrassed. If I don’t agree that I made a mistake (this is the worst me), I would argue and even become angry. Why all these rantings about mistakes and being wrong? Well, I seem to be making mistakes after mistakes recently and I want to know why I was feeling the way I was feeling or rather, why did I react the way I reacted.

One mistake I made a couple of weeks back due to a poor judgement caused me to look foolish and having to admit to my foolishness is not exactly my cup of tea (ok ok, I do note that’s big ‘I’ commenting). Why is it that I can’t help feeling uneasy sometimes when I’m wrong? What is that uneasy feeling? Where did that feeling come from? Why do my instincts tell me to react by arguing?

Rebutting, disputing, arguing just to prove that I was not wrong, is not supposed to be in my “to do list”. I say it’s time to do a review.

Jazz and erhu do gel

2009-06-13T12:04:00.004+08:00

What comes to mind when you think of jazz? A rendition of blues, swing or syncopated rhythms? For me, I’ve always stereotyped it as elevator music or music that can put me to zzzZZ. Now what about Chinese orchestra? I’m sure the image of erhu, pipa, guzheng clanging operatic or traditional music would surface. I got a taste of the combination of both last night at a concert, yes both. The ensemble of two groups of musicians showed me how grossly outdated and wrong I was with my stereotypical opinion.

Our local Chinese orchestra performed jazz pieces together with an American trio jazz band at the concert. With cleverly arranged pieces, they proved to the audience that eastern and western music do mix, erhu and jazz can gel. As the erhu, pipa, and recorder soloists took turns to spar with the jazz band, this audience who went in on a free ticket couldn't stop applauding at the end of every piece. I could see that not just me and the other audience were enjoying the performance, the musicians too were having a ball of a time themselves playing music they don’t normally play. They even performed a classic Bach piece, Prelude in D minor and I loved that arrangement the most, almost wanting to jump up to give them an ovation but too shy to do it because no one else did.

I have to admit I went to the concert half-expecting to fall asleep but the performers didn’t dish me any single moment of boredom. I was totally enthralled by this rare, untypical performance. It’s not just the audio-visual enjoyment I experienced but the revelry of different cultures putting aside their differences, coming together in the sharing of what was common to them, their belief and love for music. If only we humans could apply this to every aspect of our day-to-day living. I do hope to see such a day in this world, in time (or lives) to come.

Five thumbs up for this marvelous performance!

Insanity, any purpose?

2009-06-11T00:43:00.003+08:00

A granduncle whom I’ve never met died a couple of days ago, at age 66. He’s younger than my dad. I know very little about this relative, whatever that I know about him, I heard from my mum. He was the youngest child of my great-grandfather. According to my mum, this granduncle was very bright and being the youngest, he was doted on. Unfortunately, he developed some mental problems while studying overseas. He had to come back and I presumed his condition must have been so serious and no one could take care of him that he was placed in the mental hospital, for more than 40 years I estimate. He didn’t die from an illness in there but choked to his death.

When my grandma was still alive, my mum did accompany her to visit him at the mental hospital. Besides them, I think his sister was his only other visitor. Surprisingly, despite his insanity, he actually recognised them. Back then, he was already gorging down the food they brought him so I guess it didn’t come as a surprise to anyone when the hospital said he choked and died.

I’m just wondering, what is god’s purpose in making a person experience insanity and locked up almost all his life, practically forgotten by his family members? Is an insane person aware of his mind? What could he have learnt from being mad that can help him in his journey of life?

Am I thinking too much again? Ok, just ignore me. I’m not mad…not yet.

Which is worse

2009-06-01T11:49:00.000+08:00

I wrote this on my mac:
“Which is worse? Knowing what you want in life but not being able to have it or not knowing what you want in life at all?”

I was planning to write a huge chunk on why I think the latter is worse but I walked away from my computer to do something in the kitchen and when I came back, I saw this:
“I don't know.”

My 10-year-old niece wrote that. Don‘t you think the answer was brilliant? Age does not necessarily assure you of the answers in life. A ‘don’t know’ mind does.

Just live for goodness sake.

Taming the mind, body and...pain

2009-05-20T23:53:00.005+08:00

This procrastinator finally forced herself to do something she had always ranted about and wanted to do…take up yoga. I liked what I experienced after several free trial lessons at a fitness centre a couple of months back. I had to sign up for a course before that interest trickled off. I seriously believe yoga is good for my body at my age, and even better for my monkey mind when I got nothing to do. So finally, I signed up for an elementary class at the CC near my place and attended my first lesson last night.

The instructor started everything from basic…breathing, stretching, holding the poses etc. It never occurred to me that I could be such a stranger to so many parts of my body. The instructor made sure I ‘visited’ all those poor muscles and joints of my anatomy that I never knew existed and got acquainted with them. My poor body, how much I must have abused you all these years, as can be seen from the way you are aching now. Strangely, I like the pain I’m feeling now. As the saying goes, no pain no gain. Hope to overcome the pain by the second lesson and attend the course regularly, diligently and eventually make yoga practice a part of my life.

So bizarre

2009-05-06T11:26:00.003+08:00

Saw a freak incident on the train last night while on my way home. A bulky Malay lady sitting three seats away from me with a baby (probably around eight months old) on her lap somehow allowed the toddler to slip out of her grip. The poor baby fell backwards onto the ground, head down first with a slight thud @_@. So very bizarre. Waaaa!…Waaa!…the baby screamed, whether in pain or in shock, I wasn’t sure. The clumsy mum (who was holding a mobile phone on one hand) realising her carelessness, also exclaimed out loud. She rushed to pick her crying baby up from the ground. What she did next shocked me even more. She started rubbing the baby’s head and rocking him vigorously to pacify him…*faint*. I cringed and looked up at the lady standing right in front of me. I saw her cringe too and exchange this look of disbelief with me.

It took a few more minutes before the baby would stop crying. In fact, when the kid stopped crying, it got me even more worried. I kept observing the kid’s facial expression to make sure he hasn’t fainted, was in a daze or worse…frothing from the mouth. With all that rugged rocking and rubbing, the mum could have caused even greater harm to the kid than the fall.

I only relaxed and carried on enjoying Andre Bocelli crooning on my iPod when I saw the kid smile and giggle. ^_^

Can society agree to disagree?

2009-05-02T20:30:00.005+08:00

As I write this entry, about three thousand women (and some men) congregated at one of our downtown convention halls to get their voices heard pertaining to a women’s association, an association that has been around for 25 years helping women and fighting for the equal rights of women in Singapore. One of the issues to be discussed is an alleged siege staged by a group of women with a religious agenda. Being a woman and an inquisitive Singaporean, I’ve been following this saga daily via the tv, newspapers and online reporting. As I read the reports and comments, I observed how my opinions and moods have swerved back and forth towards both camps of women.

For the benefit of my friends who are not living in the lion city, here is a summarised account of what happened. Some time ago, a group of women quietly joined an association, turned up for its AGM one day, voted their counterparts into the executive committee (exco) through a majority head-count and seized control of the association. The old team was caught unawares, got eliminated and naturally got upset. When the new team took over the centre, they had a different set of ideas on what they wanted to do. They changed the locks, sacked long-serving staff and contributing volunteers. Accusations started flying…“it was all plotted; the new team is a religious group with a hidden agenda; they are anti-gay!” …“the old guards are only interested in promoting the advancement of homosexuality; girls in schools are taught it’s normal to experiment with each other.” What a scoop for the press. Sudden excitement for our otherwise boring society.

After reading the press conferences, interviews, reports, blogs, comments of people on both camps concerned with this saga, I think I should also blog about it. Hope I don’t get hate mails or death threats with this post ^_^lll. Anyway, this is my current point of view and it may not be permanent. Why? Because nothing is permanent. And why aren’t I participating at the EGM instead of writing this? Because I more or less know what the results will be at the EGM.

In all fairness, in my opinion (piak!…whack on the head…still in a daze @@), both camps of women are not wrong. Because I can see that their original intentions were good. The old guards wanted to promote an all-inclusive society (bravo to that) while the new guards hope to promote or reinforce corroding family values and protect their vulnerable off-springs (very concerned and responsible parents, nothing wrong with that too). So what went wrong? Well, I would think it’s because one side was inexperienced in such politicking, got personal, possessive and tried to shut the other side out totally. Then religion got dragged into the fight and that’s taboo in our secular society. Matters got worse when a pastor got involved, took sides and rallied his church to support their ‘sisters’. Tsk, tsk, tsk, shouldn’t he be advocating love for all sisters regardless of which camps they are from?

I believe the new exco of originally good-intentioned (and mostly motherly) women really thought they could contribute to society. Unfortunately, they knew and accepted only one truth. They had great faith in their religion but sadly, they had no faith in their fellow beings. Their failure to accept other truths, their unwillingness to support an all-inclusive society plus their ignorance of their roles in the organisation led to their predicament today.

As for the old team of well-respected, hardworking true-blue feminists whom had put their heart and soul into a cause they believe in for the last 25 years, perhaps this is a timely wake-up call for them. For these old guards, I think they too have to address and respect the needs of a certain minority, people whom are not as liberal as them. For change to take place in society, you have to give it time. I do advocate an all-inclusive society and the door of my heart is open to everyone. But I can’t force or drag people through my door, can I? As what many Singaporeans have mentioned, we must all learn to agree to disagree. Everyone has the right to their own beliefs and opinions. It would be more productive if we could put our focus on our similarities rather than the differences in order for the society to progress harmoniously.

At times like this, again Jiddu Krishnamurti’s great words “The truth is a pathless land” come to mind. Below is an extract of his teachings I posted a few years ago.

Full Heart, Empty Mind
There is no path to truth, it must come to you.
Truth can come to you only when your mind and heart are simple, clear, and there is love in your heart; not if your heart is filled with the things of the mind.
When there is love in your heart, you do not talk about organising for brotherhood; you do not talk about belief, you do not talk about division or the powers that create division, you need not seek reconciliation.
Then you are simply a human being without a label, without a country.
This means that you must strip yourself of all those things and allow truth to come into being; and it can come only when the mind is empty, when the mind ceases to create.
Then it will come without your invitation.
Then it will come as swiftly as the wind and unbeknown.
It comes obscurely, not when you are watching, wanting.
It is there as sudden as sunlight, as pure as the night; but to receive it, the heart must be full and the mind empty.
Now you have the mind full and your heart empty.

Time to empty our minds?

ps: At the time of this post, 1,414 members had voted in support of the ‘no confidence vote’, while 761 had voted against it. (as expected ^_^)

No right or wrong in life

2009-04-23T16:44:00.003+08:00

My new life begins only in late July. That means there’s several months to go before I get to experience that new life and much-needed new waves of adrenaline rush. I was planning to carry on with my design work for now, at least until I can’t cope and have to give it up but my regular clients have not been feeding me with new projects lately. I’m thus inching closer towards the state of boredom, again. I need to snap out of this unhealthy state of mind, my inner me reminded when I got up from bed yesterday.

I decided to catch a movie then go to the library to research on my long-forgotten English assignment. I saw School Days With a Pig (Buta Ga Ita Kyôshitsu), an award-winning Japanese movie based on a true story. I liked it so this post is about the movie. It tells of a young, enthusiastic school teacher Mr Hoshi who brought a piglet into the classroom to teach his sixth graders on the connection between life and food. He got the children to raise the pig and proposed that the pig be eaten when it’s big enough. Why raise a pig? Well, he felt that a chicken would have been too easy.

Anyway, children being children, they found the little piglet cute and fun to play with. They adopted it like a pet, built a colourful sty for it to live in and even gave it a name, P-chan. The children had to collect leftover food to feed their pet. Besides the fun part of feeding and playing with the pig, the kids also had to take turns to clean up it’s smelly pee and poo.

Parents started complaining about the pig and how much it was affecting the lives of the children. One kid got home dirty and smelling like a pig, another was eating less at home so that more leftovers could be collected for P-chan, while a third refused to eat pork at home. But despite all the complaints, the principal reminded the parents that none of the complaints were against the teacher Mr Hoshi. The parents had to agree in silence.

As the school terms progressed, the children’s bond with the pig got closer. The children were reminded they had to decide what to do with the pig once graduation day arrives. They started debating whether they should keep the pig and if it was right for them to eat P-chan. Some were against the killing of the pig but others argued that wasn’t that the original objective of the project? Some of the questions that popped up in the debate included: 1. Who decides on the length of a life? 2. Is raising a pig for its meat cruel or is the eating of meat itself cruel? 3. Is it right to keep this pig and yet continue to eat other pork? Everyone was given equal opportunities in class to voice their opinions and as arguments took place, tempers began to flare. The teacher did not take sides nor tried to play down anyone’s argument. He remained a fair moderator throughout and stood by his initial stand that there won’t be any right or wrong decision. And after two rounds of voting, the class was still split on whether to keep the pig or send it to the meat centre. The teacher eventually decided that he being part of this class and project should cast the final deciding vote. I shall not tell you the answer nor more of the story here, just in case you are interested to catch the movie.

This movie was made documentary-style with some parts shot on a handheld camera. I kind of enjoyed that. It’s got lots of laughter and tears as well so generally, I found it rather entertaining and thought provoking. In the midst of the show, I actually wondered if a similar project could take place here and if it could, would our P6 kids be able to discuss and argue their viewpoints like the kids in the movie? Would they really learn the responsibility of caring for a life, albeit it's just a pig, to love and treasure it like a pet?

I have to agree with the teacher’s viewpoint that there’s no right or wrong in life. The moment we start to think or judge, it’s already wrong. Right? Hehehe! If you want more information on the movie, here’s a link http://pig.catchplay.com

ps: The kids were really good actors in the movie and that Mr Hoshi (Satoshi Tsumabuki), he’s good too…his role, his acting, his looks! :pp

Popiah-making and a lesson in life

2009-03-18T10:38:00.003+08:00

My mum wanted to cook popiah last Sunday. Obviously that meant ME had to do all the marketing and ME had to do all the preparation work and cutting of the vegetables. I’m quite particular that the vegetables for the popiah must be cut rather than grated so I spent at least three hours cutting stuff like french beans and turnips. By the time I finished cutting, my right arm was all sore and aching. My mum did the cooking after I finished and she commented that the turnips were well-cut! ^_^

After all that hard work, I was finally savouring my popiah. As I bit into my roll of popiah, shreds of vegetables fell off but I picked them up and put them into my mouth. Not a single teeny weeny bit of vegetables was wasted. Why? Because I had just spent hours painstakingly cutting them! Suddenly, it dawned on me that this is the way I have been living my life. I had little or no regard for things that came easy to me but things that I had to slog and work hard for, I treasured them more, even if it was just a shred of turnip. My popiah-making actually taught me a lesson in life.

I have been living in my rein-free comfort zone for 16 years. I have so much freedom in life, I take a lot of things for granted. During the last week of Dec 2008, I decided it’s high time I revoke this unappreciated freedom from ME. I can’t see the light at the end of my tunnel in life and it scares me. A symptom of mid-life crisis? At age 42, I have decided to give up my business and my directorship in my brother’s company, to rejoin the civil service. I’m going to become a teacher.

The joy of chatting with kids

2009-02-19T14:38:00.004+08:00

Nowadays, my nieces chat with me on MSN. Although I know it’s not appropriate for them to be indulging in instant messaging at such a young age, I try to put it to good use by advocating that they must spell correctly and write grammatical English when chatting with me.

Below is a recent conversation I had with my older niece. She was asking me about my MSN message that day which was “to live, to love, to learn, to leave a legacy”

Niece: what legacy do you want to leave behind?

Me: hmmmmm

Niece: your teaching?

Me: will leave all my books and chewing gums for you

Niece: haha

Me: hehehe. plus all my socks…ok?

Niece: you still have chewing gum? no, not your socks!

Me: hahahahaha. my socks are branded

Niece: never!!!!!!! and not the books. i hate studying. i will leave this for you (sends me document via msn)

Me: what's that file? (i receive document with list of chinese words)

Niece: my chinese homework that i did not copy. jade sent it to me (jade is her best friend)

Me: hmmm. why didn't you copy it in school?

Niece: no time. i forgot to leave two lines (double-line spacing), had to rewrite all the words

Me: your teacher is mad

Niece: then…ring…ring…the bell rings and it's time to go home. i only copied until no.5

Me: you dashed out of the classroom huh?

Niece: no, must say goodbye then line-up to go downstairs

Me: i still don't understand why you sent me the file. i can't write it for you. my handwriting is different from yours

Niece: i know. i just sent it to leave for you

Me: hahahahahhaa. so those words are your legacy?

Niece: yup. i want to throw them away but i can't. because jade may not send it to me again hahahahahha

Me: muahahahahaha

A big thank-you to my body

2009-02-14T12:35:00.004+08:00

I hurt my right calf on the eve of Chinese New Year, pulled a muscle. While I was holidaying in Thailand with two other friends, a slip triggered the injury again. Was limping around for a while but luckily I had some salompas plasters with me, helped ease the pain. Because of the injury, I wasn’t able to exercise for a couple of weeks. When I finally had the guts to start jogging again, I took extra care to put my body weight more on the unhurt left leg so as not to aggravate the twice hurt muscle on my right calf.

This morning, while I was on my jogging rounds again, I saw two old ladies on wheelchair. One of them has been exercising at the park for many years, just like me. She used to walk around the park every morning. Her legs were kind of warped so I guess because of old age, they have become too weak now and she’s wheelchair-bound. The other old lady had both legs amputated, which probably was caused by diabetes complications. As I looked at them, I was really grateful that my legs are still strong and supporting me, allowing me to be mobile and run round the park as and when I needed a meditation jog. What I saw made me suddenly appreciate my body. Don’t we all do that? Only when we lose something we have, something we take for granted, then we’ll realise how important it is to us. So this post is to thank the various parts of my body, for allowing me to use and abuse you all these years. Will try to be more conscientious of your importance to me from now. Thank you body.

Better living in the new year

2009-01-01T11:56:00.003+08:00

From today onwards, life gets a little better for me because the government imposed some additional new laws that take effect from 1 Jan 2009. Why should I be happy when there are more laws to abide? Because the laws are applicable only to smokers. I’m so glad that the smoking ban is now officially extended to hotel lobbies, lift lobbies, multi-storey car parks, playgrounds, exercise areas, markets, within 5 metres of buildings’ entrances etc etc. Smokers have only themselves to blame for this plight. If all smokers had been more civic-conscious and do their puffing far away from the people who don’t smoke, I’m sure the government wouldn’t have extended the ban to so many more areas. Bravo to the lawmakers for protecting the non-smokers!

Ok so now I see an additional sign being put up at the park where I jog. But I really would like to ask the people who run the parks, do they realise how many signs they have erected at the small little park of ours? Just look at these:Do we really need so many signs to tell us what we can and cannot do at the park? Are we Singaporeans a bunch of morons that need to be dictated and threatened before we start behaving ourselves and become socially responsible? Something obviously is not quite right with our education system or our upbringing at home that has resulted in this phenomenon. I do hope the inhabitants of this small island can learn to be more mindful of their social duties so that the lawmakers will stop imposing more dos and don’ts on us.

All those signs above, I think can remove but this one below…umm…I would like it to stay…at least until those inconsiderate morons get the message. No more “smoke gets in my lungs” when I go jogging. Yippie!ps: Ok ok, I know it’s a little big but I just want to make sure the message gets across to the culprits. Hehehe!

Boy to man

2008-12-18T11:52:00.003+08:00

I was out the most of yesterday with an ex-student. This young chap in his mid-20s went around with me non-complaining for seven hours, shopping, eating, then more shopping until my old pair of legs almost boycotted me. I was the one who kept complaining throughout about feeling tired and he kept teasing me about my lack of stamina. When I finally had to surrender to my feet, we went on a second round of eating at a Japanese restaurant before we parted ways.

As we’ve not been in contact with each other for almost a year, he had a lot of updating to do. He talked to me about his work, his family, his love life. He currently works in a sports shop and he shared with me his attitude towards this job as well as his plans in this new-found career. He also mentioned a little about what’s been happening at home, his mum, his dad and his brothers. This boy never had a good relationship with his dad but he is now able to tolerate his dad’s attitude towards him and even makes an effort to communicate with him. When it came to his love life. I was rather surprised that he has not been seeing anyone for quite a while. He broke up with his last girlfriend because he could not spend time with her nor give her the attention she wanted - he was working in a pub then. Now, he works long hours at the sports shop. He has been the shop’s top sales person since he joined them. When he is not working, he prefers to just stay at home. He said he is enjoying the freedom of being single.

12 years ago, I taught a boy who could hardly read and could not even differentiate ‘who, what, when, where, why’. The boy managed to pass his PSLE that year and went on to study four years in a secondary school and two years in a technical institute. Today, this young man is able to converse with me entirely in English. I was the one who kept switching to Chinese during our conversation. Oh yes, the young man bought me dinner last night and paid for it with his own credit card.

^___^

ps: If you need to get sports shoes and apparels, do go to the sports shop located at White Sands in Pasir Ris and ask for Jonathan.

Stumped by “Ethnic Background”

2008-11-15T22:32:00.002+08:00

I’ve just signed up for a distance-learning programme. After months and months of procrastination, followed by week after week of surfing practically all the available courses online, I finally selected one I liked and paid up for it. Upon my payment, I received the course materials the next day plus an application form that I had to fill up to register for a particular certification.

Now form filling is one of the most mundane things we have been doing all our lives so most of us would do it with our eyes closed right? But on this particular form, I was stumped by one section that required me to specify my ethnic group i.e. my cultural background. The choices listed were: White, Mixed Race, Asian, Asian British, Black, Black British, Chinese or others. Without even thinking, I crossed an “X” for Chinese. Then I re-read the other choices and decided that I should change it to Asian instead because Chinese probably meant Chinese from Mainland China. I then had to specify further my Asian background. The examples given were: Indian, Pakistani, Bangladeshi. I typed “Singaporean” then paused for a moment to think…should I specify “Chinese Singaporean” instead? Wait a minute…or should it be “Singaporean Chinese?”

For the first time in my life, I had to think real hard about my ethnic background…what am I? Am I a Chinese first then a Singaporean or am I a Singaporean first before I’m Chinese? After several moments of deep thinking, I decided that I am a fourth generation Singaporean who happens to be a Chinese so my final decision was I’m a Singaporean Chinese.

In today’s context, I don’t see why there’s a need to specify right down to the exact what’s our ethnic background. Moreover, I wasn’t applying for any residential or citizenship status in another country but merely doing an online academic programme. If this world would like to see greater harmony among its inhabitants, I suggest we start eliminating the need to differentiate. By focusing more on the similarities rather than the differences, the easier it is for us to assimilate and accept each other. After all, aren’t we all of the same kind…just human?

Retro even in photography

2008-11-01T18:32:00.010+08:00

We’ve seen retro fashion-wear for quite a while – in clothes, shoes, spectacles etc. but who would have guessed that mankind’s interest in technology can also become retrospective. There’s a growing craze all over the world in lomography – the “back to basic” way in photography involving just a simple non-battery operated camera with no zoom lens and no LCD display screen. Sounds crazy? Read on. You need to load in films manually and wind it manually after every shot you take. Sounds unbelievable right? Believe me, it’s true.

There are now lomography clubs everywhere. I wouldn’t have noticed this craze if not for a set of Diana F+ lomo camera I received as a birthday gift a few months back. I didn’t use it at all until I went Vietnam but that first roll I shot with my friends turned out to be totally under-exposed…in other words, all the shots were black. I’ve been experimenting with the Diana F+ again the last couple of weeks and fortunately, I finally managed to capture some shots in two rolls of 16 exposures. Here are some of the shots, scanned from the processed 120mm negative films.
Umm…I didn’t chopped off the kids’ faces intentionally, they just turned out like that. I suppose that’s the fun part in lomography… you don’t know what you’re going to get until the films are processed. And winding the shots manually means sometimes the shots get overlapped, creating dual, triple or quadruple images, as you can see in some of mine.

If blurry and off-colour pictures sound like fun to you, then go pick one up and play with it. But one warning, indulging in this old-style photography doesn’t come cheap. The camera costs around $150 and each roll of 120mm film costs around $6 and processing it is another $6. The films are hard to get and the labs that process them are also a rarity nowadays. So indulge in this form of art…only if you’ve got spare cash and nowhere to splurge.

Thanks to the friend who bought me the camera and included 14 rolls of negatives and positives as well, I can continue to have my fun for now…until my films run out. ^_^

True friends everywhere

2008-10-24T09:28:00.004+08:00

A colleague’s brother died of cancer on Monday. I was at the wake two nights ago. Many friends and relatives turned up to pay their last respects. Like me, most of those friends were not even acquainted to the deceased but were friends of his sisters. Why were we there? We did what true friends would do, give moral support to the family of our friends at times of sadness. Two neighbours whom the family have not met for 30 years also turned at the wake. Don’t they count as true friends too?

True friends are everywhere. Sometimes we don’t know how to show our affection for them. At other times we are just too caught up with our day-to-day living and momentarily neglect them but I believe we all care for them. We just need to constantly remind ourselves it’s better to remember them when they are still with us rather than wait till they are gone.

Do what true friends would do…show care and concern for your friends whenever you can.

Are there true friends in life?

2008-10-21T16:42:00.002+08:00

I met up with a couple of friends last night, one of whom I’ve not been in contact with for more than five years. While we were chatting away about the current property and financial market, this friend was busy reading sms on his phone - a friend of his was bugging him for a loan. After reading the sms, he said to the two of us that he has loaned about $70,000 to his friends. He then went on to say that he doesn’t think there are true friends in this world. He asked if we have true friends in life. My instant reaction was, of course I have true friends. He seemed to doubt me.

A friend who insists on sending me home even though petrol prices are high and my place is out of the way…who is this friend? A true friend.

A friend who can sense that I am moody and yet doesn’t avoid me but wants to hear what’s disturbing me…which kind of friends would have that patience? Only the true kind who cares would.

A friend who sponsors me on an expensive holiday when I can ill afford it…which friend would be so generous? Only a true friend who loves me would.

Do I have true friends around me? Don’t think I need to ask.

What if?

2008-10-16T13:16:00.002+08:00

As I was walking towards my company’s compound today, suddenly this thought struck me - should I meet with an accident, would my family members know that I have bought accident and hospitalisation plans? Would they be able to locate my important banking and insurance documents?

I live day by day without anticipating my death. I take my life, my auto-ability to breathe for granted. But what if something happens to me? What then? I can’t take anything with me, I have to leave everything behind. It may not be much but I should still make arrangements so that my family know where and how to get them. I’ve yet to make a nomination for my CPF. Must set aside some time to do that as well as list down all the things that I want my family to know, just in case something untoward really happens to me.

I guess I do not want to be an inconvenience to anyone…even when I’m gone.

ps: Just as I was pondering about this accident thingy, I read an article from a friend about writing an own obituary. Do I want to take up an obituary when I die? Nah, I think it’s a waste of money. Born a nobody, die a nobody.

pps: I did write about the kind of funeral I would like to have a couple of years ago. Here it is: Link

Is someone worrying about you?

2008-10-04T01:30:00.003+08:00

I have been worrying about someone recently. Someone close to me, someone I care. The more I thought about it, the angrier I got. Why should this mature person be making others worry? As I pondered about this, I began to I ask myself if I too have been causing other people to worry about me. I thought hard about it. I probably did in the past, when I wasn’t financially stable. But now, I don’t think so. Ok, perhaps my mum still does worry about me. Which mother wouldn’t worry about a daughter who is still single and does not have a house of her own? But I believe my mum knows and can see for herself that I am living a pretty comfortable and happy life now so the worry will not be a 10 on the richter scale ^_^.

Everyone, do ponder about this as well. Are you causing someone else to worry about you? If you are, do try to do something about it. Don’t be the cause of suffering to someone else because that is definitely not our purpose in life.

A little update

2008-09-03T17:35:00.003+08:00

Here’s an update on the current “me.” I have not been posting diligently not because I got nothing to write. My life is neither a bore nor at a standstill. I do find it quite colourful and can write every day if I want to. In the past, I used to “report” every minor observation that happened around me. The “me” at present prefers to simply just observe them as they happen. The mind does react as they happen but I try to let them come and go. Good or bad, like or dislike, they are neither the same nor dissimilar. They just happen, just like that.

When perceptions change, life will change. When mind clings to thoughts, mind won’t change. The mind will ask “What if…?” Fear prevents change. Where does the fear, the insecurity come from? Don’t know. Instead of asking “What if?” accept “What is.” Put a leash on the untrained mind because it could lead the way…into the longkangs.

The watcher is enjoying the performance while the thinker is taking a break.

Be good to myself

2008-07-27T10:09:00.002+08:00

Sorry for the looong absence. I know this is the longest break I’ve ever taken in my blogging history (my blog is only 2+ years young and I dare to call that history, not shy lor…hehehe.) Anyway, you can rest assured, I still intend to continue writing. However, I can only do that when time permits and when my brain is in a word-making mode.

In case some of you are curious as to what I’ve been up to recently, well, I have been up to my neck since June. I had work to do, friends to entertain, a gathering to organise, then made a trip to Taiwan to meet up with Taiwanese as well as US friends. The reason why I am making this effort to post something now is because I will be flying off again today for a week, this time to Vietnam, again to meet friends. Quite an exciting life huh? I think so too. I suppose it is better to be busy living life, observing life, rather than thinking about life or the purpose of living, right?

Some of you must be wondering by now why I titled this entry as “Be good to myself.” Well, a few friends have been telling me recently that I should be good to myself because I always seem to put others before me. Frankly, I do admit to that habit but I feel that I’m already very fortunate to be able to lead such a carefree life and have so many great people around me. What more do I want for myself? When I see the people around me happy, that makes me happy. That’s the kind of life I would like to have. My needs are lesser and lesser as I age and my wants are definitely dwindling too because having wants does not make my life any happier. If I have to tell me to be good to myself, it will just remind me how important I am and only grow my ego.

If my reading of this “being good to oneself” is wrong, can someone please enlighten me. How then do you define being good to oneself?

Zen practice goes down the drain

2008-06-10T17:05:00.003+08:00

A couple of months ago, Taco told me to blog about this but I refused. I felt that it was against my zen practice of non-indulgence. But today, I have to bow my head and confess that I have an indulgence…I am attached to my iPhone.

I really am not one to indulge in expensive, sophisticated phones. To me, a phone is just for people to contact me and vice versa. But ever since I got an iPhone from the US through a friend two months ago, my use of the phone changed completely, and my zen practice of non-attachment to worldly possessions went down the drain as well.

I now synchronise my phone with my mac and use it as a PDA, jotting down my notes, work and social schedules and set alarms to remind myself of appointments. I use the built-in WiFi to check on my emails and browse websites when I am not in the office. Very strangely, I’ve also begun to play games on the phone while waiting for friends. Checking on the weather here and in other countries as well as monitoring the foreign exchange rates is now a breeze on my phone. Last but not least, the phone also functions as an iPod so I can show off my nieces and nephew's pictures and entertain restless kids with the cartoon videos I have downloaded onto the phone.

I paid almost S$700 for the phone and the unlocking service. It works very well and has served me very obediently in the last two months. Money well spent and I shall use it for many years, I told myself. Today, when I saw Steve Job’s keynote address on the iPhone 3G in WWDC 2008, I almost flipped over. The new 3G iPhone will be sold at half the 2G’s price from 11 July! What a painful revelation!

I have never really indulged in any phones in the past, always choosing a cheap and easy to use phone when my contract ends. But this iPhone is one gadget that has got me hooked. After seeing all the many new stuff that’s going to be available in the 3G version, I think I may just switch service providers when it’s launched here later this year, so that I can get my hands on that version as well!

M1, this loyal customer has stood by you since your emergence in the market. Do you have any better carrots to dangle in front of me, to prevent this loyalist from switching camps to SingTel? My contract expires by year end and if they give me a free 3G iPhone if I switch, I think you know what my decision will be. You still have half a year to work on me. Work hard please…work very very hard with Steve Jobs!

逢著便殺

2008-06-04T23:13:00.005+08:00

聖嚴法師說：「人在生命的過程中，不論是物質的或精神的，如果沒有憑藉、依恃，便會覺得缺少保障，沒有安全感，所以會以向內向外的種種現象作為自己的立場和自己的保護膜，而且經常加強這些東西來鞏固自己。其實，保護得愈周密，怕失去的感覺就愈強，煩惱因而增多，那就更不自在了。倒不如把所有一切從心中像開刀切除腫瘤一樣地剮得乾乾淨淨，那才是徹底的自在。」

「人在口袋裡和在銀行裡要有錢，在腦裡和心裡不要有錢。」
。。。這句是聖嚴法師的師父說的。

Post-dating appointments with friends

2008-05-23T17:22:00.002+08:00

I was clearing my old emails today and stumbled upon an interesting newsletter that was forwarded to me more than two months ago, written by a former school teacher. In it she mentioned that “Singaporeans generally use busyness as an excuse not to see their friends more often”. She said that gatherings with friends are seemingly being post-dated nowadays, requiring at least one to two months of planning before it can be realised. She felt that there is something wrong with our lives if we have to resort to such kind of planning for fun and friendship.

Honestly, I face this situation too every time I try to arrange anything for a group of friends. Sometimes not even a group, just for three persons and it has to be planned a month ahead. And more often than not, after all that planning, the date may still get postponed or some people will still be unable to turn up on the date of the appointment.

This problem doesn’t just occur among friends, it also happens in families. I know of a couple who bring their kid to visit their parents only once a month. I can imagine the necks of the grandparents must have stretched a few extra centimetres every month waiting to see their little grandchild.

We live in such a small island and are a mere minutes away from each other by car yet we have so much difficulty arranging personal appointments. Are we really so busy or caught up with our work and own families that we simply cannot put them down and have to resort to such post-dated planning?

Two years ago, I got to know a number of overseas friends. We may live miles and miles apart from each other. But to date, I’ve already met up with most of them, whether in Singapore, their country or a third country. Some have even met me several times. I must admit that me being self-employed and single with little or no commitment does give me much more flexibility with my time. But I think at the end of the day, it’s also up to the individual how much we want to do it.

I am arranging to meet up with my dear friend from the US soon. Yes, it may be another post-dated appointment but I hope nothing pops up last minute that will affect the appointment because I don’t intend to miss it.

By the way, I have no intention of using this post to accuse anyone of not trying hard enough to meet up for gatherings. I just want to prompt everyone to think about this issue. Could there really be something wrong with our lives…if we simply don’t have time for friendship?

Learning to face the reality of life…ageing

2008-05-15T10:13:00.006+08:00

After working with kids for 11 over years, I tried something very different last Sunday. I participated in an event that involved the elderly. Volunteers from CDAC together with the Lions Befrienders organised an outing for 200 elderly most of whom have little or no family support and are receiving public assistance. The outing comprised a heritage tour on the Hippo bus followed by an evergreen concert at the Esplanade. Sounds like a piece of cake right? Not exactly. We had to attend a briefing two weeks prior to this assignment to prepare us mentally and physically. Besides giving us a run-through of how to handle the elderly, we were also informed about the common stereotypes on old folks. Old people tend to be naggy and repetitive in what they say, stubborn and even smelly etc. I got a little nervous after hearing all that because I’ve never been comfortable communicating with the elderly, much less having to interact with them for half a day.

Anyway, on the day of the outing, I got some surprises. Firstly, the old folks were not smelly at all. In fact, most of them made an effort to dress up for the occasion and some even put on make-up. One uncle even had his hair dyed red in colour, wore a choker and had a ear stud on one of his ears. So vogue lor! But honestly, despite all the dressing up, they could not conceal the fact that they are old and naturally fragile. Most of them were friendly and relatively quiet but several were overly chatty. But on the whole, I felt that the elderly were totally co-operative.

We were divided into groups of threes. In my group were two Chinese and one Indian elderly. One volunteer spoke Malay so she was paired with the Indian elderly. Another volunteer, YQ is a Chinese national studying at NUS on a scholarship. She was quick to strike up a conversation with one of the Chinese elderly so I was left to attend to the remaining elderly who seemed a little aloof to me in the beginning. I tried to be friendly, smiled a lot and made conversation but she refused to respond to me. Hmmm…I was a little puzzled…why huh? Only when I heard her conversing with the other elderly did I realise that she couldn’t speak Mandarin. I quickly switched to speaking in Hokkien and she finally responded. Phew! What a relief! Subsequently she even initiated some conversation with me at the concert. I was so glad that I could speak her dialect. Hehehe!

When the concert ended, I wanted to take some pictures for the elderly as well as YQ outside the Esplanade but unfortunately, the leader of our bus kept bugging us to walk faster and stay with the group. I found that quite annoying. We had to take a long walk to the bus bay and one of the elderly with us had very weak legs and was struggling to keep up with the rest. We kept talking to her and I took some pictures so as to distract her attention from her slow pace. Shouldn’t it be our objective to make the occasion as memorable and enjoyable as possible for the elderly? Perhaps some people felt that stressing the old folks to walk as fast as possible and keeping to the time schedule was more important >_<.

When we sent the elderly back, we had to help them bring their goodie bags to their home. On that same day someone had also donated rations to the elderly so we went with them to the community centre to help them lug the big bag of food ration home as well. I wondered why no arrangement was made to send the food parcel to their homes instead. How on earth did the donor expect the frail old folks to carry that several kilograms of food by themselves back home? It is indeed kind to make the donation but the effort would have been more meaningful if the donor had hand-delivered the food to the recipients, wouldn’t it? Anyway, we did the lugging, sent the old folks to their door steps, got a glimpse of their HDB ‘studio-apartment’ living condition, then we were done for the day.

The entire event took only half a day. I wouldn’t say I interacted very much with the elderly. I did learn a few things about communicating with them and understood them a little better but more importantly, it enabled me to visualise what life would be like if I were to remain single and have no family support when I reach their age. Living alone does not necessarily mean that life has to be lonely. With the support from the community and many of these outreach programmes, life can still be wonderful during those sunset years.

Training to become a peaceful warrior

2008-05-09T14:45:00.002+08:00

I read ‘Way of the Peaceful Warrior: A Book That Changes Lives’ a couple of months back. Dan Millman, the author, was a former world trampoline champion, university coach, martial arts instructor and college professor. Following his spiritual quests over twenty years, Dan’s interest in developing talent in sports eventually shifted to developing talent in living. He finally started writing to share his personal and spiritual growth and has published 13 books so far. ‘Way of the Peaceful Warrior’ is Dan Millman’s first book based on a true story but with some fictional elements. The book tells of the incidents in Dan’s life that changed him completely, especially after his accidental meeting with a guy whom he called ‘Socrates’.

Quote: “I wrote it to inspire, uplift, and to remind readers of life's bigger picture and higher promise.”

For those of you whom have embarked on a spiritual journey in life, you will find this book an interesting read, especially when you can relate to the author’s experiences. Many a times when reading the story, I heard myself saying “Hey, I had that feeling before.” or “Hmm…that sounds so familiar.” Hope I can succeed in my own journey to become a peaceful warrior. I shall not share too much about the story. Do read it if it interests you. But here are some nice quotes from the book which I would like to share:

Socrates:“…the ripples of your mind have nothing to do with you; you’ll just watch them, without attachment, no longer compelled to overreact every time a pebble drops. You will be free of the world’s turbulence as soon as you stop taking your thoughts so seriously. Remember – when you are in trouble, let go of your thoughts to see through your mind!”
Dan: “Socrates, how?”
Socrates:“…leaps of awareness don’t happen all at once; they require time and practice. And the practice of insight into the source of your own ripples is meditation.”

Socrates:
“There is a saying: ‘When you sit, sit; when you stand, stand; whatever you do, don’t wobble.’ Once you make your choice, do it with all your spirit. Don’t be like the preacher who thought about praying while making love to his wife, and thought about making love to his wife while praying.”
“It is better to make a mistake with the full force of your being than to timidly avoid mistakes with a trembling spirit. Responsibility means recognising both pleasure and price, action and consequence, then making a choice.”

Socrates: “If you don’t get what you want, you suffer; if you get what you don’t want, you suffer; even when you get exactly what you want, you still suffer because you can’t hold on to it forever. Your mind is your predicament. It wants to be free of change, free of pain, free of the obligations of life and death. But change is a law, and no amount of pretending will alter that reality.”
Dan: “If life is nothing but suffering, then why bother at all?”
Socrates: “Life is not suffering; it’s just that you will suffer it, rather than enjoy it, until you let go of your mind’s attachments and just go for the ride freely, no matter what happens.”

The equation for happiness as according to Socrates is as follows:
Happiness = Satisfaction ÷ Desires
(The fewer desires you have, the greater the satisfaction in life you’ll get and naturally the more happiness you’ll attain. )

Dan:
“First mountains are mountains and rivers are rivers.”
“Then mountains are no longer mountains, rivers are no longer rivers.”
“Finally, mountains are mountains and rivers are rivers.”

*****************************
My Afterthoughts

Frankly, I wasn’t sure what to expect when I started reading this book. It was one of those books that I didn’t choose myself but was hand-picked for me as a gift by a good friend. Another good choice Thuy, thanks! Only when I read books picked or recommended by others do I realise that I have overlooked so many good books out there. It’s good to have friends who seem to know what I want, what I need. To all my friends, thanks for being my Socrates.

ps: If you want more info about the author and his books, go here: Link

A reminder

2008-05-09T00:07:00.003+08:00

今晚在電視上看了超級星光大道第二季其中的一場比賽。有個參賽者唱了「哥哥」張國榮的一首名曲「追」，唱的不是很感人但卻把一名評判給弄哭了。那個評判是Roger，一個很著名的造型師，張國榮生前跟他是好朋友。他解釋說哥哥沒出事之前曾經有跟他通過電話但因為工作太忙沒辦法和哥哥見面。事情發生後他感到很內疚，因為沒辦法幫到自己的朋友。自從哥哥去世之後他們一群朋友因為怕傷心所以都不敢再提哥哥或聽他的歌。參賽者選唱的那首「追」是哥哥在舉辦31場演唱會的時候每晚都必唱的一首歌。他那時有幫哥哥做造型，所以每晚都會聽他唱這首歌。在沒做任何心裡準備的情況下又再次聽到這首歌，使他又想起了好朋友，所以感到很傷心。看到他哭的那麼傷心，真的好感人。We will always have a place in our heart for our friends, wherever they are. A reminder to cherish the people around us.

I needed that…thanks

2008-05-04T21:53:00.000+08:00

Is there such a thing as spiritual masochism? I had this craving to be whacked my guru today. Luckily the blows came down hard and fast. The tension is more or less gone now…almost like an instant relief…thank goodness. I needed that.

Life's Purpose – J Krishnamurti
There are many people who will give you the purpose of life; they will tell you what the sacred books say. Clever people will go on inventing what the purpose of life is. The political group will have one purpose, the religious group will have another purpose, and so on and on. So, what is the purpose of life when you yourself are confused? When I am confused, I ask you this question, “What is the purpose of life?” because I hope that through this confusion, I shall find an answer. How can I find a true answer when I am confused? Do you understand? If I am confused, I can only receive an answer that is also confused. If my mind is confused, if my mind is disturbed, if my mind is not beautiful, quiet, whatever answer I receive will be through this screen of confusion, anxiety, and fear; therefore, the answer will be perverted. So, what is important is not to ask, “What is the purpose of life, of existence?” but to clear the confusion that is within you. It is like a blind man who asks, “What is light?” If I tell him what light is, he will listen according to his blindness, according to his darkness; but suppose he is able to see, then he will never ask the question, “What is light?” It is there.

Similarly, if you can clarify the confusion within yourself, then you will find what the purpose of life is; you will not have to ask, you will not have to look for it; all that you have to do is to be free from those causes which bring about confusion. - The Book of Life - November 7

Only One Hour to Live – J Krishnamurti
If you had only one hour to live, what would you do? Would you not arrange what is necessary outwardly, your affairs, your will, and so on? Would you not call your family and friends together and ask their forgiveness for the harm that you might have done to them, and forgive them for whatever harm they might have done to you? Would you not die completely to the things of the mind, to desires and to the world? And if it can be done for an hour, then it can also be done for the days and years that may remain... Try it and you will find out. - The Book of Life - November 9

Fear of Death? – J Krishnamurti
Why are you afraid of death? Is it perhaps because you do not know how to live? If you knew how to live fully, would you be afraid of death? If you loved the trees, the sunset, the birds, the falling leaf; if you were aware of men and women in tears, of poor people, and really felt love in your heart, would you be afraid of death? Would you? Don't be persuaded by me. Let us think about it together. You do not live with joy, you are not happy, you are not vitally sensitive to things; and is that why you ask what is going to happen when you die? Life for you is sorrow, and so you are much more interested in death. You feel that perhaps there will be happiness after death. But that is a tremendous problem, and I do not know if you want to go into it. After all, fear is at the bottom of all this - fear of dying, fear of living, fear of suffering. If you cannot understand what it is that causes fear and be free of it, then it does not matter very much whether you are living or dead. - The Book of Life - November 12

Love your life

2008-05-03T22:58:00.002+08:00

A few months back, an ex-varsity schoolmate emailed to say that a fellow schoolmate had been diagnosed with cancer. Cancer cells were found in various organs, including the brains. He was depressed in the beginning. Who wouldn’t be? Initially, the only thing on his mind was to be discharged from the hospital so that he could go back to see his kids. But he eventually came to terms with the illness and decided to fight the battle. He had been undergoing several cycles of chemotherapy over the last few months which weakened him considerably but his spirits were high with the good support of his family members and friends. He kept his friends updated about his condition via facebook and only last Tuesday he wrote that he was relieved that he had completed his fifth cycle of chemo. The results showed that the tumours had shrunk and some even disappeared. One more cycle and he could focus on the road to recovery. Great news to all of us.

This morning, I received news that he had a heart attack. He died this evening.

A week back, an online friend of mine said to me that she finds death very enchanting (死亡是一件很迷人的事). She explained why she had such thoughts. She had been reading books written by a famous gay writer and felt that she could relate her life situation with that of the author. From what I heard from some friends, this writer was very talented but egoistic. Her books are pretty grey and depressing. She died of suicide at a young age of 26 after a failed relationship. Apparently she could not accept being rejected by someone she loved and chose to end her life.

Why is it that some people choose to flirt with death when there are so many others battling hard to stay alive? I only have admiration for fighters in life, not the quitters, perhaps not even sympathy. To me, there is every reason to live and never a reason to die.

Living is the most enchanting thing in life, not dying…definitely not. Love your life.

It’s pay back time

2008-04-29T16:05:00.002+08:00

Whenever I am less indulgent in my own life, I will be more attentive to my mum’s needs and wants. The other day, she mentioned that she doesn’t want to have margarine with her bread anymore. She wants to have SCS butter instead. I remembered that when I went to supermarket. I got the butter and at the same time replenished her Milkmaid condensed milk. While putting the milk cans into the kitchen cabinet, I “complained” to her that her consumption level of the condensed milk was very high. She smiled and replied, “Well, I paid for all your milk when you were young, now it’s your turn to buy milk for me.” Life is a vicious cycle. Yeah, it’s pay back time ^_^

忙也好，不忙也好

2008-04-29T15:52:00.001+08:00

已經有三個星期沒寫東西了。最近生活應該還算不錯啦，所以也沒甚麼牢騷或怨氣需要發洩的。上個星期原本是想寫一篇關於自己的心靈狀態，可是整個星期就是沒辦法集中精神把那篇寫完。有些時候我就是那麼的懶散，不去想太多也不想做太多，任由生活拖著我走。偶爾過一下這種生活也是一種享受，可是優哉游哉的日子一旦過得太長久就會感覺生活好無味。生活是應該要放輕鬆但也不能無所事事，所以還是要安排一些事情來讓自己忙一忙。不管忙也好，不忙也好，不要讓自己起煩惱心才是最重要的。

Taiwan…umm…Part 5?

2008-04-06T21:30:00.002+08:00

Taco complained that I didn’t post the many pictures taken at Danshuei. I told her, I wasn’t there so I couldn’t write about it. But to be fair, my friends did take a lot of nice pictures there so I have decided to pick some of them out. This fishing village is pretty scenic and many artists come here to paint. This old town is famous for it’s wide variety of snacks and foodstuff so obviously my friends had a great time eating from stall to stall. Here they are, 淡水 Danshuei and 八里 Bali as seen through the eyes of my friends.

This place apparently sells the best pepper pastry but unfortunately, my friends were not able to sample the famous puff. Just look at the queue and only one guy was making the pastry.

My friends discovered an interesting way to eat tomatoes…Taiwanese eat them with preserved prunes sandwiched in between and it’s actually quite nice.
Sunset at the MRT station…nice huh?

Last but not least, here are some random animal pictures taken during the trip. It was raining cats and dogs everywhere…besides us the tourists, this drenched kitten also seemed to be complaining about the weather.After all that rain brought on by the two typhoons, this dog obviously was enjoying a nice time basking in the sun at Yangmingshan.On the day of my departure, while waiting for my friend Clio at 西門盯 I saw this old man with his two huge dogs right in the middle of this busy district. The dogs were very attached to their owner but they were very well-behaved and friendly with whoever got close to them. The students and other passers-by all loved them but I’m sure Clio would have freaked out if she had witnessed this scene…hehehe!

Taiwan - Part 4

2008-03-21T17:26:00.001+08:00

Thanks to two great Taiwan friends, I had the privilege of touring 陽明山 Yangmingshan. Without a car, it would have been near impossible to see this place extensively because this national park is actually made up of a cluster of mountains. As we went up and down, bend and round the hills, I realised that not only do you need a car, you would also need an experienced driver to manoeuvre the vehicle through those narrow roads with steep slopes and tight corners. I have to say I was highly impressed with my friend’s driving skills. Along the way, she was most thoughtful to make periodic stops for this tourist to take in the sights and capture some pictures. However, this dimwit had forgotten to charge her camera batteries and had to miss out on taking many beautiful scenery >_<. But honestly, to truly appreciate the awesome views, you have to be there and see it for yourself. Here are some of the pictures that I managed to take before my batteries went flat.

We met a lady with two shih tzus at the park. My good friend took a couple of pictures of me with one of the dogs but she added one of her fingers in the first shot and chopped off part of my head in the second. I decided to stitch them together. Cute huh? I meant the dog lah! :p

You get the impression that it’s all farms and nurseries when you drive pass this place but many of them actually also housed restaurants and cafes offering 野菜 and 野山雞 which I would translate as wild vegetables and free-roaming kampong chickens. My friends wanted to show me 海芋 (kala lily) at 竹子湖 but unfortunately I saw only the leaves. Hehehe… wrong season but I still enjoyed seeing the other flowers in the nurseries.
We had lunch here. The place looked so deceivingly quiet and small from outside but the moment you stepped inside, you’ll be amazed how popular and crowded the place was. As you can see, we had those wild vegetables which I believe are ferns…very nice! I think that pot of kampong chicken soup would have been enough to feed ten people. Much as we tried, the three of us couldn’t even finish half of it so my friend had to pack it home.

After Yangmingshan we went to another mountain, 法鼓山 Fagushan or Dharma Drum Mountain, a buddhist centre founded by Venerable Sheng Yen. I’m not exactly an enthusiast of Chinese mahayana teachers but several years ago, a profound speech by this scholarly-looking monk on tv caught my attention. I subsequently learnt that he is also a writer and has published lots of books. Having read several of his publications, I must say I’ve become an avid fan of this teacher and his teachings. Venerable Sheng Yen advocates the conservation and protection of the environment so when the centre was being developed, care was taken to minimise harm and damage to the nature. I saw many old trees fully intact right next to new concrete buildings. This place certainly left a lasting impression. I had half expected to see lots of glittering golden buddhas and colourful ornamental rooftops often associated with Chinese temples but what greeted me instead were the vast nature and grey buildings made of hardy concrete or granite and bricks. I thought the practicality and simplicity in the design gave the place a sense of serenity and calmness…most conducive for meditation practise. Here are some of the pictures of this green buddhist centre with a panoramic view.

I can’t express how grateful I was to my friends for arranging this special trip to Yangmingshan and DDM. They had to climb and walk so much with me that day, it must have tired them out. When we started the ride back to the city, the friend who drove actually said to me that I must be exhausted by the whole day’s hectic activities and should just sit back and take a nap. The ride back to the city was to take more than an hour so if anyone had the right to complain about exhaustion, it had to be the driver right? My Taiwan friends are simply such marvellous hosts. I was so touched by their hospitality.

I would also like to convey my gratitude to my other Taiwan good friend Taco for hosting my group of friends and bringing them to 淡水 Danshuei. From their many pictures, I could tell that the group went on an eating spree and definitely had a wonderful time at the old town.

Early the next morning, Taco was again at our hotel to bring us to 烏來 Wulai, a place known for its hot springs. I was already running on reserve battery that day due to continuous over-activity and lack of sleep. My heart felt really weak and I was more like a walking zombie that day. When my friends went to get a dip in the hot spring, I decided it would have been too risky for me to join them. My heart may just give up on me so I took a nap instead at the lobby of the hot spring. Here are some of the pictures of Wulai, mostly taken by my friends.

After Wulai, we made a brief stop at 碧潭 Bitan. There was a night market and games bazaar beside the river. I was surprised to see game stalls similar to those I played during my childhood days. Pedal boats were also available for rent at the river. What a great place for families to spend their weekend. I saw a guy having a game of dice with a stallholder selling Chinese sausages. My friend explained that the guy would get a sausage for free if he beat the stallholder in the game…how interesting.
After Bitan, I had no reserve energy left so I went back to the hotel for a rest while Taco brought my friends elsewhere for further shopping and eating.

Woes of a MRT commuter

2008-03-18T11:16:00.003+08:00

I’ve not been coming into the office promptly for a long long time. In fact, I can’t remember the last time I made it to office before 9am…probably…at least…three years ago? Perhaps even more. But today, I made it to work by 8.55am. Clap, clap, clap, clap, clap! That’s me giving myself a round of applause…hehehe! But this post is not about my feat. Today, I need and want to rant about some inconsiderate commuters I have to tolerate on the trains every day. I had the misfortune of meeting another one of them today.

During the rush hour this morning, a young guy standing about a metre away from me was blasting his music through his iPod. I could practically hear what song was being played so I turned to stare at him hoping that he will turn down the volume but he didn’t seem to notice. I told myself, “Its ok, just focus on reading the newspapers” and that’s what I did. Halfway through the journey, I managed to get a seat. I sat down and continued reading my papers. Guess what? After a couple of stops, that guy also sat down and right next to me! His right ear was only centimetres away from my left and I could hear with clarity 曹格 crooning away “…紧紧相依的心如何say goodbye…” No lor, I just wasn’t in the mood to listen to Gary’s 背叛. Firstly, I think 蕭敬騰 and 楊宗緯 can sing that song better than Gary and secondly, if you don’t mind, I prefer to read my papers in some peace and quiet in the morning. I turned twice to stare at him real hard. He noticed but simply didn’t find anything amiss. I was on the verge of asking him if he had a hearing disorder but my horoscope says I should keep a low profile and avoid all confrontations this year so I just kept my mouth shut and suffered for the rest of my journey. In the end, to escape the jarring sound on my left ear, I had to resort to bending forward to read my papers >_<.

Another type of commuters I dislike meeting on the trains are men who stuff all kinds of bulky and hard objects in their pants pockets. If you’re a regular train commuter, I am sure you must have experienced been poked by these objects when you sat next to them. It is bad enough that women have to endure with men who need to occupy a bigger space on the seats due their bigger physique, not to mention those men who like to sit with their legs wide apart. But since that is due to the construction of their anatomy, I can forgive them for that. Frankly, I can tolerate it if it is something beyond their control. But guys, if you’re reading this, can you just kindly remove those mobilephones, PSPs, DSlites, MP3s and PDAs from your pants pockets before you sit down? Please spare a thought for the person sitting next to you because it is definitely not comfortable to have a hard object jabbing at your thigh when you commute.

The third kind of commuters I want to rant about today are the mobilephone loudhailers. I know that having a mobilephone is a necessity in today’s world and practically everyone who works owns a phone. But why is it that some people need to talk at the top of their voice on the phone and share their telephone conversation with the entire carriage of commuters? Almost every day I have to endure with Chinese nationals having a long loud chat with their native friends in a dialect I do not recognise, highly motivated insurance agents trying to sell a policy to a potential customer over the phone while they make their way to meet another customer, aunties instructing their maids to carry out some household chores they forgot to assign before they left the house, businessmen hounding clients for payments or dodging payments to suppliers, throngs of people telling their friends they are only two or three stops away from their meeting point, etc etc.

Do I sound like a very fussy and intolerant commuter? No lah. I just need to get this off my chest. Hehehe…one of the traits of an extrovert according to the MBTI test. Will blog about this psychometric test if I have the time.

Taiwan - Part 3

2008-03-14T14:52:00.001+08:00

When our coach completed the round-island trip and returned to Taipei city, the typhoon had also stopped chasing us…what a relief. We got to 忠烈祠 Martyr’s Shrine just to see the change-of-guards ceremony. These two pictures were taken by KK as I probably would have been able to capture only pictures of the tourists’ heads.

We also visited 士林官邸 Shih-lin Official Residence of Chiang Kai-shek where a chrysanthemum exhibition coincidentally was being held. The flowers were quite lovely but we were unable to appreciate the entire exhibition as the guide gave us only 15 minutes there. We basically walked about 200m from the entrance, snapped some pictures and had to quickly run back to the coach. That limousine on display was supposedly used by Soong Mei-ling, Chiang’s wife.

The last item on our itinerary for the guided tour was a visit to 士林夜市 Shih-lin night market. This place is known for its food and night bazaar. As per the standard style of the tour, we also didn’t get to see much there because we were only given an hour to roam the place. We did get to taste the famous XXL chicken cutlet but the queue was ridiculously long…stretched over at least 100m. Don’t think it was worth the wait because we had sampled better ones elsewhere. If you do visit this place, I would say one item worth trying is 官財板 - a thick slice of toast deep fried and filled with chowder. But you got to eat it when it’s still piping hot.

When we were liberated from the tour group, the first place most of us wanted to visit (or rather revisit) was 故宮博物院 National Palace Museum. We went there in the morning and spent half a day there, totally fascinated by the vast display of intricate Chinese artefacts. It amazes me how all those treasures, 600,000 pieces of them were transported from the mainland to this island. I don’t think logistics management systems existed during those days. The chap who coordinated this must have been one hell of a genius! Photography wasn’t allowed in the exhibition halls so I can’t show you the “pork belly” or “cabbage”. I can only post pictures of the museum facade…hehe! Go see it for yourself, this museum is really huge and impressive. I would highly recommend it if you’re a first-time visitor to Taiwan…of course you must also have some interest in Chinese history, art and culture. The museum ticket also entitles you free entry to 至善園 Chih-shan Garden located next to the museum.

Below are some of the other pictures of Taipei city that I took. As with all cities, there are some distinctive buildings such as the Taipei 101 building, the City Hall and the Taipei Railway Station.
We stayed at a hotel near the very busy and happening 西門酊Ximen Ding. That is where the famous Ah Chung Mian Xian is located. We happened to witness an anti-global warming campaign on one of the mornings. People in Taiwan seems to be more aware and concerned about environmental issues. Taiwan friends tell me that many of them carry their own recyclable chopsticks and bags everywhere they go.

We also visited the upper-class 信義商圈 Xin-yi business district and 永康街 Yung-kang Street. In case you’re wondering what's that last picture, it says “There’s dog poo.” Some kind soul covered the dog poo on the pavement with a box and wrote the Chinese characters to caution pedestrians.

Taiwan - Part 2

2008-03-10T09:57:00.041+08:00

知本溫泉 Chihpen Hot Spring
When we reached this part of eastern Taiwan, we were supposed to relax and soak ourselves in the hot spring but look at this dreadful weather. Would you brave the typhoon rain to soak in this open-air hot spring pool? Our gang decided we would look ridiculous carrying an umbrella in the pool but some people were not deterred by the rain and actually did take a dip in the pool that night. Amazing right? One consolation though, we got to bathe in hot sulphur spring water as the hotel room’s water supply came from the hot spring. Sulphur water = Water that smells like rotten eggs.

As we made our way to the south, the weather appeared to be friendlier. According to Taco, this is the hottest region of Taiwan. The rain took a siesta, allowing us to tour 佛光山 Fo Guang Shan, the Buddhist centre set up by 星雲法師, the celebrity-revered monk. The huge temple grounds had rows and rows of golden Buddha statues but I wasn’t particularly drawn to them. As the zen saying goes, “When you see the buddha, kill the buddha.” Perhaps this mind is too attached to the simplicity of zen.

The south seems to be a more traditional region with a strong presence of Chinese and Taoist culture…temples, pagodas, tigers and plenty of dragons.

Some local folks were enjoying themselves belting out Chinese and 台語 songs in the day at this park. Good fun and entertainment for retirees.

One part of the tour included a train (or tram) ride to a dairy farm but the animals there looked extremely pathetic…maybe I should say they looked sad as all were confined in cages or small enclosures. Would you want to milk a cow that looks like this one below? Some people didn’t seem to mind the condition of the cow and actually paid to milk it. To facilitate the milking experience, the poor tired-looking cow was confined in that narrow structure and spray-washed with ice-cold water causing it to crap. I cannot fathom why those people want to milk the cow, much less drink the “fresh” milk. I think the authorities or tour agencies should stop bringing tour groups to such poorly maintained places…poor animals.

Our coach made all the way to 日月潭 Sun Moon Lake, the biggest lake in Taiwan but instead of a scenic view, we saw mainly the rain and a lake almost completely covered by fog. I didn’t get a chance to take a good picture of the lake because of the rain. All I could take was the temple…yeah, more temples and dragons.

Taiwan - Part 1

2008-03-07T23:12:00.007+08:00

Taking pictures is such an easy and enjoyable task when travelling but choosing and editing them is so darn tedious. That’s why I have been procrastinating in posting my Taiwan pictures. From now onwards, I should remind myself to have the habit of deleting all duplicate or unwanted shots as I travel rather than organise and select them only when I come back home.

I will try my best to upload most of my favoured Taiwan pictures but please forgive me if I get kind of stuck halfway through because the shots were not very well taken due to bad weather and require hours of photo-retouching. We were pursued by two typhoons during the tour so the rain and mainly gloomy lighting made most of the pictures dull. Here is the first batch.

野柳 Yehliu - The natural rock formations
This rather scenic place was our first stop. It was the only place where we managed to get some good pictures because the typhoon and rain had not descended on us yet. But from the pictures, you could tell that the storm was brewing.

I was wondering why there were so many photographers hanging around there, then I realised the centre of their attention…the bird with a long beak perched on the rock…see how well it has blended into its environment. I didn’t have those expensive equipment like the photographers so what you see is just a blurred zoomed-in picture of the bird.

九份 Chiufen - The food street
We were there for less than an hour. The whole street was packed with tourists jostling around with their umbrellas dripping rainwater in all directions. Even before we could walk the full stretch, it was time to return to the coach. That’s what you should learn to expect when you go on cheap packaged tours. But we did get to sample some nice food there. I thought the grilled squid balls and salted mushrooms were nice.

太魯閣峽谷 Taroko Gorge
This was one of the highlights of the tour and I had expected to see much much more than this but sadly, the weather plus a bad tourguide ruined everything. We did brave the storm and got off the coach to take some pictures. Of course we all got drenched.

See these two pictures below and you will understand what kind of weather greeted us.

35 days of non-blogging

2008-03-02T00:01:00.002+08:00

Helloooooo everybody! I know I have not been blogging for the longest time. My apologies to all those friends whom have been checking in on my blog every now and then only to be disappointed week after week. JC, I’ve not switched to another blog and yes, I do have other blogs but I’ve not updated them as well. Life has been just zooming past me for the last 35, no…40 over days. I was busy with work before Chinese New Year, then I was away in Thailand for a week and before I could recover from my trip, I was back to work again churning out projects.

Nevertheless, it feels good to be busy. It beats being bored and you guys know how much I hate boredom. This ignorant self feels that she is living a life only when she is busy, when she has things to do. Last year this time, I kept telling myself I had to do this, I had to do that. Now, I just do, I don’t plan much but tackle the tasks as they appear.

Do you think I am I living my life? Or is my life living me? O_o

Ok, ok, I know…don’t check! Just live!

ps: I’ve been editing my travel pictures but that task seems to be endless. I’ll post them soon…be patient ok? ^_^

Time to move on

2008-01-24T09:11:00.003+08:00

My star sign today says:
“If you feel that you have been the designated runner in a relay race, it's now time to pass the baton to someone else. Even if you believe you are solely responsible for your work, surprisingly others may be willing to help. Sharing responsibilities will not only relieve some of the burden on your shoulders; it can also boost your self-esteem and make you feel better about what you have already accomplished.”

On the train to work this morning, I was listening to a talk by Ajahn Brahm on my iPod. He related a lesson that his teacher Ajahn Chah taught him when he was still a novice monk in Thailand about 30 years ago. It goes like this…

Early one morning, Ajahn Brahm bumped into Ajahn Chah while out on alms round. Ajahn Chah picked up a stick from the bushes and asked Ajahn Brahm, “Brahmavamso, how heavy is this stick?” Ajahn Brahm was pondering over the question but even before he could give an answer, Ajahn Chah threw the stick away and walked off.

The stick is as heavy as it feels only when you are holding on to it. The moment you discard it, it no longer has any weight.

Yes, it’s time to pass on the baton, time to throw the stick away.

Inner and outer joys

2008-01-22T13:34:00.000+08:00

Just read something interesting today.

A yogi, Dr Samprasad Vinod, said that the way we look at the external world gets modified according to our inner states. The way an object appears to us depends on the way we look at it. I can’t agree more. When I look at something or someone with negativity, there is no way for me to appreciate, like or accept what I am seeing. But the moment I am able to modify my perception, my attitude towards it will slowly change.

There is a world of difference between someone who sacrifices ‘for’ love and someone who sacrifices ‘with’ love. The one who sacrifices for the sake of love tends to have certain expectations and may exploit it later to satisfy personal interests while the one who sacrifices something with love do it happily, wholeheartedly, without expecting anything in return. The former may develop unhappiness when his personal interests are not met while the latter gets rewarded with an inner satisfaction without striving hard for it.

We human beings are very different from each other because our fundamental approach towards life are different. A person who eats to live is very different from another who lives to eat. If you eat for the sake of joy, you become attached to the food you eat causing the mind to be always engrossed in thinking about the taste of the food you have eaten or are about to eat. You essentially develop certain expectations when you are eating. However, if you eat with joy, you appreciate and enjoy everything you eat, regardless of its taste. The mind does not get caught up with the thoughts of the food you ate yesterday, are about to eat today or will eat tomorrow. By understanding the importance of eating for survival and yet not attaching excessive importance to the food we eat will enable us to focus on the more important issues in life.

The differences between inner and outer joys are so subtle. It all depends on the way we think and approach our lives. If we allow our minds to constantly remain preoccupied with thoughts of outer joys, there is no room for our consciousness to dwell on other more important issues in life that will give us inner joys.

「倫理」與「論理」

2008-01-21T01:22:00.000+08:00

人與人相處，講求的是「倫理」，而非「論理」。所謂「倫理」就是每個人都能各盡其份、各盡其責、關懷、照顧、不要一味地要求其他人要負甚麼樣的責任。而「論理」就是辯論，凡事講道理、論公平，動不動就計較誰對誰錯。當你覺得自己所付出與所獲得的不能平衡時，那就是「論理」了。

一般而言，人與人之間關係之所以尖銳化是由於自己的貪、瞋、痴、疑、傲等。道理是拿來要求自己，而不是用來苛求他人的。只要管好自己有沒有做好，不要管別人有沒有做好。自己做好是應該的，其他人沒有做好必有他的原因，不要用自己的標準來要求人、衡量人。別拿自己的鞋叫別人穿。

— 聖嚴法師「是非要溫柔」

How do I get rid of me?

2008-01-17T22:36:00.000+08:00

Tonight at meditation practice, I told myself to let go of my thoughts, my mind, my perceptions and just be. But throughout the practice, I kept seeing me.

When I was sitting, I fuss over my posture and the way I sit. When I watched my breath, I tried to control my breathing pattern. When I dozed off, I reprimanded me. When a thought arose, I saw me leading the thought into a chain of other thoughts. When I knew I had sat for half an hour, my mind told me my leg was in pain, it needed a break. At the end of the second incense, I said to me “Let’s go home.”

I’m such a menace. How do I get rid of I, my, me?

Conflict

2008-01-14T13:04:00.000+08:00

Every now and then, the peace and quiet in my mind gets ruffled by a conflict. It could be something that I saw or what someone said or did that I didn’t like or disagree with that will cause disturbances to my mind. The level of suffering I experience depends very much on my state of mind at that point in time. Sometimes I think nothing of it and just let it pass and the conflict stops. But when my mind is cluttered or muddled, I will keep thinking about it. The thought keeps hovering up there and I can’t put it down, it causes me a lot of affliction. Much as I know that it’s silly to allow something that has passed, something that has already become history to make me suffer, it serves to remind me why I am still in this samsara world…I’ve yet to see the truth about life.

What do I do when I encounter conflict? I talk or complain to some close friends about it, to get it off my chest, and also to justify and convince myself that my thinking or opinion was right. This is what ignorant people would do. After I’ve indulged in my egocentricity and ignorance for a while, my inner self will tell me I am going nowhere with my thoughts, my suffering is still there. I will then have to search for solutions elsewhere and my first source is always to reach for the books, the teachings that I can relate to my situation. Nowadays, with my iPod, I can also listen to the podcasts from Ajahn Brahm’s talks that I have downloaded from the Buddhist Society of Western Australia website. These two sources will normally be sufficient to give me a good whack on my head and shake me out of my ego indulgence zone.

Here’s what Ajahn Brahm has to say about conflict. Firstly, to stop conflict, we must learn to differentiate between criticising an act and criticising a person. If we can see that there is no such thing as an idiot or a stupid person but only an idiotic or stupid act that a person has done, we can minimise conflict. No matter what wrong a person has done, we ought to remember that there is always something wonderful, lovable and worthy in that person. When we work on seeing something that we can respect and value in that person, we will be better able to bridge the conflict and see the possibility of forgiveness. By growing the goodness, we will see more of it from that person.

Experience tells me that when I am upset with someone’s unskillful speech, thought or action, the more I think about what they did or said, the more unhappy I become. By indulging in the bad thought, I tend to recall every darn thing that they had done in the past that had made me angry. In other words, if I choose to feed my anger and allow my resentment to snowball, the conflict escalates. Conversely, when I remind myself about the good of that person, it helps to douse the anger or unhappiness in me, it’s easier for me to let go of the conflict. As what Ajahn Brahm has taught, it is up to us whether we choose to be the farmer who gets up in the morning to collect the shit from the chicken coop or the eggs.

When people behave in an obnoxious manner to irritate us, to test us, we all tend to blame them for making us unhappy. It’s always their fault, not ours because in a conflict, we don’t listen to how others are feeling, we never talk to find out what we really want in the beginning. Well, the truth is, we are the cause of our own suffering. We can learn more in life from the beautiful successes rather than the conflicts, the failures, as long as we can change our mind, our attitude. Let’s not allow other people to control our happiness, our emotional state. Don't allow our mind to be sick. Only when we're not in conflict with the nature of life can we make peace with our existence.

ps: My biggest conflict is with myself. I tend to focus on the bad things I’ve done, my guilt. I’m a shit collector too. The good dog is having a tough time fighting off the bad dog. It’s getting tiring.

勞碌命 A Life of Toil

2008-01-09T18:21:00.000+08:00

昨晚看了黃嘉千主持的「開運万事通」
節目聊到勞碌命的人想改變忙忙碌碌的生活就要注意六件事：
- 不要八卦
- 走路不要太快
- 出門不要大包小包
- 衣服不要有太多口袋
- 關門後不要再拉手把
- 不要常舉頭往上看

終於了解我為甚麼那麼忙了…>_<

I saw a Taiwanese programme last night that teaches on how to improve on your fortune. Last night's episode touched on how to avoid a life of toil. You need to watch out on 6 things:
- Don't gossip
- Don't walk too fast
- Don't carry a lot of things when going out
- Don't wear clothes with too many pockets
- Don't double-check the door after you've already locked it
- Don't keep looking upwards

Now I understand why it’s been a life of toil for me…>_<

Addendum to “At This Juncture in Life” - Part 1

2008-01-09T01:29:00.000+08:00

When I posted those pictures, I had planned to write a little about myself at each stage of my life. I wanted to see if I can register the change in my behaviour and character. Well, I got distracted during the December festive period, and after all the celebrations, my mind and body got hijacked by laziness, then work started to get busy. I shall now attempt to back track and pen down those thoughts and memories before I lose them.

Age 1-6
I must say this is the toughest stage to register. I really cannot recall much about myself at that young age. I only know from my mum that as a toddler, I was one of the easiest to take care of. Unlike most babies, I didn’t like to be carried too much, preferring to be left alone to play by myself. Perhaps I wasn’t an attention seeker and my strong character was inborn. Of course this last statement is purely an assumption. But I do have a vague recollection that I was the quiet sort when young, not quite expressive. I believe at a young age, I learnt to listen and observe more than I talked.

Oh yeah, I was also a very clumsy kid. I fell and cut myself on three occasions that required stitches on my face, one on my chin, another on my right eyebrow and a third one in the middle of my forehead. My mum and grandma got so worried as they thought I must have offended some spirits or whatever. A family friend told them I need to be adopted by 關帝 and miraculously, I did stop being a humpty dumpty after being ‘adopted.’

Age 7-12
Schooling age. I suffered when my free-roaming days at my grandma’s place in Tanglin Halt were over. I had a tough time adapting to school life, probably even hated it because I remember getting into trouble with my teachers several times during my primary school days. I wasn’t attentive in class, didn’t do my homework and failed my tests so my mum was called in by the teacher on at least two occasions.

For sure, my natural instinct to protect and stand up for my friends started very early. When I was in Pri 1, one of my classmates was bullied by a Pri 6 girl and I went to her rescue. I think I used a broom to chase the big bully away and she had the cheek to complain to my teacher but the classmate who was bullied explained the situation on my behalf and I got away with “violence”…所謂路見不平，拿掃把相助! Hahahaha!

I had this little weird habit when young; I refused to eat anything that wasn’t mine. Perhaps I should say I didn’t feel comfortable accepting other people’s things. When classmates offered me their snacks, I would always reject them. Kind of weird right? It was ok if they ate my sweets and snacks but not the other way round. I was a serious kid but I don’t think I was aloof as I did get along well with my classmates but I somehow maintained a certain distance from them. Fortunately, a close friend of mine in P4 prompted me about my ‘problem’. She told me there was nothing wrong with accepting things from friends and that I should learn to get closer with everyone.

My stubbornness began to show at a young age. I disliked being controlled or forced to do things I didn’t want. Not knowing how to communicate my feelings, I used actions instead to show my dislike. Incident 1: Piano lessons - my mum got my dad to buy a piano as she thought it’ll be good if her girl knew how to play the piano. I would hide in my room and refused to come out whenever the piano teacher turned up at my place. After a while, the lessons stopped. Incident 2: Tuition - I hated it again when my mum got me a private tutor when I was in Pri 3. The tutor was a former school teacher, a very nice, motherly lady. My displeasure must have been written on my face throughout the period that she taught me because after about a year or two, she convinced my mum that I was coping ok with my schoolwork and didn’t need a tutor. Yup, I got what I wanted…again.

人不轉…心轉

2008-01-03T15:09:00.000+08:00

辛辛苦苦的走了一段路才發現前頭真的無路可走了
不服氣也不想放棄，很想死賴在那兒不走
其實只需回頭一望，後面也都是路啊
山不轉路轉
路不轉人轉
人不轉…心轉
觀念是可以轉的，就看自己要不要讓它轉
只要讓觀念轉變，人生永遠都是希望
所謂「失之東隅，收之桑榆」
從一次的失敗中有學到東西也算是有收獲啊
到了絕境就不要等待柳暗花明了
面對它，接受它，處理它，放下它
從頭開始吧

以上不是我說的，而是聖嚴法師所教的!

Blind dog at a retreat

2007-12-30T23:28:00.001+08:00

Last weekend, I went on my second retreat for this year. Was in Pengerang from Saturday morning till Monday morning. The routine was the same as the one I attended earlier in March. Lots of sitting to watch my monkey mind and naturally, lots of pain in the legs again. Sleeping was still a problem. The curvature of my spine just could not adapt to the bedding condition at the retreat. But I took every opportunity to nap or lie down for a while whenever we had some rest time. That helped relieve the tiredness caused by the lack of sleep.

This retreat was led by Zen Master Wu Bong, the first American student of ZMSS. I first met him a couple of days before the retreat at the zen centre. I was quite surprise to see someone so “ordinary” because most of the zen teachers I have met so far have seemed so stern. The highlight of my retreat must have been the short interview I had with him. Honestly, I wasn’t too keen to go for the interview and was quietly glad that no one told me to go on the first day. But on the second day, there was no avoiding it. The interview was conducted according to our sitting arrangement and so I went, a little reluctantly. Why? Because until then I’ve no clear idea what’s to be achieved out of those interviews. Open mouth already wrong…so why ask? Hit the floor when a riddle is asked…but why hit? When do I stop hitting? All these thoughts kept popping up, swirling in my mind while I was meditating and waiting for my turn to go into the interview room.

The interview went something like this…
I bowed to ZMWB and sat down. He said good afternoon to me and I reciprocated. He then asked me to point out my name on the name list and asked me how many interviews I’ve had. I said it was my first for that retreat and my third experience. He began the interview by asking me, “What is Buddha?” I hit the floor instantaneously. “Good.” He continued by asking me, “When a monk asked Un-Mun Zen Master "What is Buddha?" he replied "Dry shit on the stick." What did he mean by that?” I paused for a split of a second to digest what he asked then I hit the floor again and said don’t know. He said this time round he could see I was thinking before answering and should have kept a don’t know mind, just hit the floor. I kind of interrupted him and asked, “Do I just keep hitting the floor? But when do I stop hitting?” His reply, “Cut off all thinking. Keep the mind free, just don’t know.” He told me to work on that when I’m meditating, only don’t know and who am I? I nodded but at that moment, my mind was reacting and a thought appeared, “There they go again…the same teaching…only don’t know, just hit the floor. But why???”

He asked me to keep practising and said we’ll chat again another time. I bowed and left the interview room to go back to my sitting. Before I reached my cushion, suddenly it struck me…why was I trying so hard to understand the purpose of the interview and the significance of hitting the floor? By thinking and perceiving that I must do everything with understanding, I failed to see nor hear what was being taught. The teacher was trying to pour tea into my teacup but it was filled to the brim with my thoughts and opinions. How can any tea be poured into my cup? I was but a blind dog at the retreat. >_<

Here’s a short Chinese animation on the teaching about the overflowing teacup: Link

At this juncture in life

2007-12-16T18:58:00.000+08:00

I’ve been wanting to document pictures of myself from young to now for quite a while but it took a little internal struggle to decide if I should post it here. As an ignorant human being, I confess that I am pretty conscious of my looks and worry about how others see me so my original plan was to share this only with a few close friends. But while arranging these pictures, I reflected and saw how much I’ve really changed over the past 41 years of my life, not my external looks but the deeper me. Then I ask myself, if I can’t even come terms with the me I see, who can? So here it is…the me through the years…exposed.
Technically, all that I see here have already passed and like it or not, they are of no significance to me now. What’s more interesting is how I will be 40 years from now…if I do live to age 80 as what the fortune-teller prophesised. Having lived most of my 41 years in ignorance, controlled mainly by my physical or materialistic needs, I do hope I can do a better job capturing the mental me from this moment till the end of my time.
ps: Hope no one gets a nightmare after seeing “me”.

10 Days in Taiwan

2007-12-13T15:25:00.000+08:00

My apologies for not blogging in close to a month. I went on a 10-day trip to Taiwan, came back totally exhausted and have to plunge myself into my work immediately.

The trip was supposed to comprise a quick 5-day tour round the country (which the locals refer to as 雞豬馬 chicken-pig-horse tour i.e. wake up earlier than chickens, eat worse than pigs and run faster than horses) followed by an extension of four days in Taipei. But those 5 days turned out to be quite eventful because we were being pursued by two typhoons apparently. Taiwan has not witnessed typhoons during the winter season for the last 8.4 years but it chose to welcome us when we arrived there. Every day, while our coach was going round the country, I reported to my Taiwan friends on the phone that I saw only rain, rain and more rain at every destination…oh yeah, and fog too at the Sun Moon Lake. Took us so many hours to get to some of these sights but we saw rain water more than anything else. Anyway, we were quite fortunate that the typhoon was behind and not ahead of us, otherwise the entire journey would have been greatly delayed and ended up even more depressing. The tour guide told us those buses that were behind were affected by fallen trees, rocks or landslides along the mountainous coastal routes. I think he mentioned a guide was reportedly hit by the rocks. Now I understand why the travel agent took down our particulars upon our arrival to provide us with free insurance coverage for the tour. We were that close to danger and we didn’t know.

The 5-day tour was disappointing because of the bad weather on top of the tight schedule, and the bus journey wasn’t exactly comfortable. But thank goodness I had good company with me throughout the ordeal, my six other long-time friends from cdac. To make up for the lack of sightseeing, we partied almost every night in our hotel room with lots of food, drinks, card games and so much laughter. It’s been a long long time since I last laughed until I got stomach cramps. With all that racket we created, I was so surprised no one came knocking on our room to yell at us…hahaha!

Ever since I’ve enjoyed the freedom of travelling alone, I’m pretty picky about my travelling companions. As we all know, no matter how long you may have known a friend, you won’t see his or her true colours until you travel together. When you live and interact together from morning till night every day, everyone will inevitably start to display their peculiar personality or idiosyncrasies. Anyone who show signs of being self-centred, uncompromising and difficult, I’m sorry to say I will never travel in future with that person. When I travel with friends, my principle is to see to everyone else’s needs before mine, especially when I’m the one who organised the trip. If I notice unbecoming or selfish behaviours, I get upset. If I know my friends are not enjoying themselves, I feel lousy. During this trip I actually felt apologetic towards my friends that we had to meet with bad weather during that round-island trip. I know it’s silly but that’s just me.

I must say to travel in a group of seven was definitely a record for me. But I’ve known almost everyone in our group for 10 years or more so I was quite confident no one would be much of a travelling nuisance. I think besides the occasional “blur” qualities of the two aunties and a couple of unintentional hiccups, I have to say that this group of friends was generally easy-going, cooperative, helpful and great company. Top commendation goes out to Mr Lai for being so marvellous in everything from beginning till end, especially for sponsoring the Choya! Hahaha! Clap! Clap! Clap! We also know by now who will have problem getting a roommate in future after this taiwan trip. And yes, someone kicks in her sleep! Scary siah! Muahahaha! :P

Lastly, I want to express my thanks to my Taiwan friends. I’m so fortunate to have made so many great friends in Taiwan. They were super fabulous in hosting not just me but my group of friends as well when we were in Taipei and really made a difference to the entire trip! Tacobee, Clio and Kyo brought us out to eat some great local fanfare the moment we touched down in Taipei. Tacobee deserves an award for her hardwork in researching and recommending the places of interest to visit and the food to try at each location. Great job my friend! 辛苦你了! Thanks too to Clio and her friend for the special arrangement to drive me to Yang Ming Shan and Fa Gu Shan. Couldn’t have made my way up those places by myself. The views were simply therapeutic. Love it! Also, special thanks to those friends who travelled for hours from other parts of Taiwan to meet me in Taipei. Really appreciate it. Sorry for not being able to talk much with each of you but I’ll be back and will definitely try to look you up at your hometown when I return to Taiwan. For sure, no more 雞豬馬 in future for me! ^_^III

ps: I haven’t got time to share about what I saw in taiwan nor touch-up the photos I took on the trip. Will try to do it as soon as I can.

Do you call yourself an animal-lover?

2007-11-20T14:06:00.000+08:00

Last Sunday, I was overwhelmed by the number of boddhisattvas present at the exhibition on “Responsible Pet Ownership” organised by the AVA at Ngee Ann City. I brought my 8-year-old niece there to educate her on the responsibilities of a pet owner but ended up learning a lesson or two myself. I’m a self-proclaimed animal lover but I was given a face-to-face lesson on the prerequisites to be qualified as a genuine animal lover. It’s not sufficient just to have liking, love and compassion for the animals. You got to be willing to devote unlimited personal time, money and effort to see to the well-being of the animal, from it’s birth right till it’s last breath, especially when it is hurt or sick. That’s a big big sacrifice and I know so far I’m still unable to give an animal that kind of commitment.
My niece looking for answers to the quiz. Very educational.
From young, I’ve been made to believe by vets that any old or sickly animal should be put to sleep to end its suffering but that is all a fallacy. Who ever gave us the right to practise euthanasia on animals? How do we know the animal wants to die? No matter how mentally traumatised or physically sick an animal is, no one has the right to take away it’s life. I have seen how the love and devotion of volunteer animal caregivers can and will help heal a condemned animal back to health. I do know of friends whom have spent more than $1000 to save a sickly stray cat or an abandoned injured dog. Bravo to these true blue animal lovers!

I find it disturbing that animal cruelty is still evidently present in our supposedly educated, civilised society. I cannot fathom how a driver can run over a dog, crushing both it’s hind legs and just drive off without feelingly remorseful or worrying about the pain that the dog is suffering. Sickly dogs have been found to be abandoned or thrown into deep canals and left to starve and suffer in pain by heartless owners who no longer find these dogs cute or cuddly but burdensome.
Some of the owners with their dogs adopted from ASD. You don’t need a pedigreed pet.
I was shock to hear that the dog breeders in Pasir Ris Farmway 2 are notoriously known to be guilty of abandoning their ‘breeder’s dogs’ (i.e. bitches reared solely for breeding purposes) as well. Pedigreed dogs are normally the more difficult to rear as they are susceptible to genetic disorders so when they are no longer able to rear healthy puppies for the breeders, some of them are put down or abandoned in secluded spots or industrial estates. How can these people make use of a dog to rear puppies over and over again, then discard this living, breathing thing as if they are just some useless objects? Even if they don’t believe in the law of karma, don’t they ever look at the dogs in their eyes to see they’ve got feelings too?

It’s sad that we are living amongst many uncaring, even cruel people. But fortunately, there is also a growing number of samaritans who make the effort to round up and rescue abandoned, suffering animals, giving them the love, shelter and medical attention they need. Many of you may ask, isn’t it the job of the SPCA to rescue injured or abandoned animals? For your info, many of these animals you hope to help may actually end up being put to sleep by the SPCA because it cannot afford to house so many strays and abandoned animals. So if you want to save a cat, you may want to call other voluntary groups instead such as the Cat Welfare Society. If you want to save a dog, you may try calling the Action for Singapore Dogs (ASD). And if you want to save a rabbit, you can try contacting the House Rabbits Society of Singapore (HRSS). These voluntary caregivers will try to foster the abandoned pets and heal badly hurt animals back to health, even those with permanent disabilities. Such unconditional love! That’s why I call them boddhisattvas! When the animals are healthy, they are then put up for adoption.
Two or three legs? No problem. Not disabled but able.
Children playing with the dogs.
Will with his caregiver. Will was running around so much, she was so afraid he may fall off the stage.
Will was the star of the exhibition. It has only two legs and is incontinent but it is still full of spirit and was running around the stage enjoying every moment as the star of the show. (That wheelchair was imported from US and cost the ASD $500.) The other dog featured has only three legs but was also having fun not showing any signs of its disability at all. When I saw these two dogs, I was telling myself, we human definitely can learn a lot from animals. We lack the perseverance and survival instincts of a cat or a dog. When faced with challenges in life, our first instinct is often to indulge in anger, resentment and self-pity instead of fighting to live. Perhaps human beings have been having too good a life, so much so that we do not know how to live.

My message today:
If you’re planning to buy a pet, do be careful who you buy from. Instead of just eyeing that pedigreed breed, perhaps you can consider adopting one of those abandoned animals instead. You will be surprised there are actually many pure breds among those abandoned. For your information, “Anyone found guilty of abandonment may be fined up to $10,000 or jailed for up to 12 months, or both.”

If you’re ready to be a responsible pet owner, go adopt a pet from the animal welfare groups. Here’s a link to some of these groups: Link.

ps: I learnt at the exhibition that it is not against the law to feed strays but you must clean up the place after you feed them. ^_^

pps: All the voluntary groups are currently selling calendars, t-shirts, notepads etc to raise fund. Go to their websites and see how you can help.

Attachment to freedom

2007-11-13T21:18:00.000+08:00

My biggest attachment in life so far has to be my need for freedom. Not just physical freedom but a free rein in my speech and thoughts as well. I find it stifling to be bound or controlled by rules of institutions and opinions of individuals. But as I grew up, I learnt that this is the way we human live, there’s no escaping it unless you choose to be an island. So I allowed myself to be conditioned into conforming with cultural and societal rules.

When I was young, I abhor being manipulated or restricted. I simply loathe being told what to do:
“You shouldn’t say that.”
“You have to do this.”
“Don’t do that.”
Whenever that happened, unhappiness will quickly arise in me and I will hear an inner voice rebutting “It’s my life. Can’t you let me decide what I want to say or do?” And when my opinion was disputed or overruled, I would notice a mental discomfort in my mind that can lead to my eyebrows converging to form a frown on my forehead. This mental suffering can be short-lived but can also last for days, depending on how long I chose to cling to my thoughts. Why do I get affected by such thoughts? Because I could not understand why I wasn’t allowed to have my personal opinion. My inner voice kept saying “You don’t need to agree with me but neither do you have the right to force me to agree with you.”

As I advance in life, I do observe my opinion waning, my mind relenting. I’m not suggesting I no longer have this attachment. I still do have a strong attachment but I constantly hear KK Tan’s voice reminding me “Nothing in life is important.” I’m gradually seeing cracks on my wall. Perhaps I am accepting, perhaps I’m adapting. Or maybe, I am just tired and choose to surrender instead. Why fight over every single thing in life and create even more affliction for myself?

Why do I need freedom? Who do I want freedom from? Me, others or my “self”? Who is the real constrictor? Read on to see what Krishnamurti has to say about this.

We are not basically free at all – J Krishnamurti
It is one of the fallacious concepts that man is free. Of course, man is free to choose, but when he chooses he is already in confusion. When you see something very clearly, then you do not choose. Please look at this fact in yourselves. When you see something very clearly, where is the necessity of choice? There is no choice. It is only a confused mind that chooses, that says, “This is right, this is wrong, I must do this because it is right,” and so on, not a clear precise mind that sees directly. For such a mind there is no choice. You see, we say that we choose and therefore we are free. That is one of the absurdities we have invented, but we are not basically free at all. We are conditioned, and it requires an enormous understanding of this conditioning to be free. – Collected Works, Vol. XVII - 270

ps: I have always been free. Ironically, I’m imprisoning myself when I insist on choosing to be free.

Keeping silent is lethal

2007-11-11T09:53:00.000+08:00

I’ve got a razor sharp tongue. Arguing and proving that “I am right” has always been my forte but recently, I noticed that I’m losing interest in arguing with people. In fact, I think I’m beginning to hate it when I am forced to argue with people.

I still attempt to voice my opinion when required but if the other person refutes it and starts to argue, I just have the tendency to keep quiet even when I know the other person’s argument is stupid and I can rebut it easily. I no longer get the adrenaline rush when people argue with me. The noise I have to make when I argue irks me. I detest that tone of voice. I seem to tell myself, “That person is not listening. I’m wasting my time talking.” Then I’ll just frown and keep real quiet.

But keeping quiet can be so lethal. When one is silent but the other person goes on and on with his argument, the person talking looks foolish because the more he talks, the more blunders he makes. The more you stir the water in the pond, the murkier the water becomes. It’s self-destructive.

I finally understand the meaning of ‘Silence is Golden’. I’m making a big statement when I keep quiet. It says “I do not agree but I’m not arguing.” Because there’s no point in arguing when the other person is not listening. Conversely, I can only truly listen to what others are saying when I’m not arguing.

Geee…I must have been a real idiot for loving argument so much in the past. Yeah…silence is golden because it can reflect the other person’s flaws.

What’s on your mind

2007-11-02T23:48:00.000+08:00

Time for some fun again. Want to know what’s on your mind? Click this Link. Type your name in the space provided and you’ll see what’s on your mind. When I used my Chinese name, only one character appeared…hahahaha! Just for fun! Do take it with a huge pinch of salt please. Do share with me if you think it’s accurate.

We’re all equally vulnerable

2007-10-29T20:24:00.000+08:00

I got up late today and expected it to be a slow day for me, being the beginning of the week but an sms and a phone call changed the pace for me.

Drama number one. I received an sms on my phone from Alex, my university friend saying that John, one of the guys from our batch was in the hospital. Subsequently my friend sms again saying he spoke to John’s wife and found out he’s been diagnosed with cancer and the cells were found in his liver, lungs and brain. He’s now awaiting chemotherapy. Though I’m not exactly acquainted with John, I was saddened by the news. It was even more depressing when the wife said he was pressing to be allowed to go home to see his kids.

Drama number two. Immediately following that sms, my pal Evelyn called to say she was having breathing difficulty and was at the doctor’s. She asked if she should check into the A&E, I thought that was the most logical thing to do so I told her to do just that. I quickly had my shower and took a cab to the hospital.

Drama number three. The ride to the hospital. The cab driver kept swerving the car when he was driving. I noticed that he also kept shaking his head so I suspected that he was feeling sleepy. When my phone sounded, he got a shock and jumped slightly. True enough, he was dozing off while driving! Then when we were going through the underground tunnel, I noticed that he slowed down for no reason. I couldn’t see his face from the mirror so I pretended to clear my throat and gave a loud “ahem!” and again, he was startled! He actually dozed off again! Thank goodness we were nearing the hospital. When we finally reached my destination, the total cab fare was $12.50. I gave him $14 and told him to keep the change to buy a coffee for himself. Told him not to endanger his life by driving when he’s feeling sleepy. He kept thanking me. He should be thanking his guardian angel that nothing happened during the journey.

At the hospital, I realised that my buddy too risked her life by driving there when she was actually feeling so sick. She didn’t get her colleagues to send her there. She didn’t want to inform her family because she didn’t want them to worry. Anyway, to be on the safe side, I told her to let her sis know. And not surprisingly, when her sis got the news, her mum and her other siblings all turned up one after another at the hospital. After running several tests and a few hours of observation, her condition had stabilised. Initially the doc said it could be stress induced. Yes, she was definitely highly stressed by her work recently. But the test results showed the problem was caused by an overdose of the thyroid drug she was taking. As her breathing had stablised, the doc allowed her to go home and gave her three days’ MC.

So much drama for a day which I expected to be slow and boring. It goes to prove that life is totally unpredictable and we are all equally vulnerable. Anything can happen anytime. A reminder to everyone to live every moment like it’s the last moment of your life. All those workaholics and perfectionists out there, please treasure your life, don’t take it for granted.

As for my pal, I hope she’ll recover by this week as I intend to take her on a short but much needed break next week. Thailand anyone?

常低頭

2007-10-25T01:09:00.000+08:00

I saw this cute video clip on LZB's blog. I thought the song was quite nice and the lyrics meaningful…kind of zen. I reproduce part of the lyrics here and also added the clip. If you’re bored at work today, have some fun viewing this video. Enjoy and remember…mind your head! :p

常低頭

老師叫我常低頭
這樣不會撞到頭
高傲的人會撞到頭
因為他不肯低頭

老師叫我常低頭
這樣不會撞到頭
低頭看清楚自己的腳步
一步一步爬上那座山頭

山上的風景很美麗
美得讓人沖昏了頭
看過了山上的風景
又到了下山的時候

下山的路或許很難走
但是不能一直在山上停留
路邊有美麗的小野花
山上山下都是白雲悠悠

Ok, this translation is for the sake of a very hardworking Dimwit who insists on Apples while I feel Cookies are equally nice too. ^_^

Always Keep Your Head Low

Teacher always tells me to keep my head low
So as not to hit my head
Those whom are arrogant may hit their head
Because they refuse to keep their head low

Teacher always tells me to keep my head low
So as not to hit my head
Keep your head low to vividly see your moves
Step by step as you climb atop the hill

Such a lovely view from the top of the hill
That you get carried away by the view
But once you have seen the beautiful view
It’s time to go downhill

Descending the hill may be a difficult trail
But you can’t remain at the top of the hill
Beautiful wild flowers by the side of the trail
Everlasting clouds at the top and bottom of the hill

Should I “save” the snail?

2007-10-24T09:28:00.000+08:00

Whenever I go for my jog at the park, I consciously remind myself not to step on the ant trails which can always be seen running across the footpath. But sometimes, when my mind gets hijacked away by a thought, I fail to notice the ant trails and accidentally step on them, killing how many innocent lives, I don’t really know.

Recently, I noticed that some garden snails stray onto the footpath and I have witnessed several gross-looking crushed snail carcass. They must have been trampled on by unaware joggers. So nowadays, whenever I see a live snail on the footpath, I have this urge to “rescue” them, to pick them up and put them in a safer part of the park whereby there’s minimal risk of them being crushed. But then, what if the snails feel that I’m a busybody and should not interfere with their lives? Moreover, that could be the path they have to take in life and they may just find their way back to the footpath again when I’m not around. After all, how often can I be there to save them?

Being human doesn’t give me the right to change the choice and path of a snail, does it? I’ve decided I will leave the snails alone and not change their paths. In the first place, I am not the snail and have no idea where the snail is heading. The presence of the ants, snails and other living things on the footpath shall be a good test for human beings - a test of our mindfulness and care for a lesser being. I do know there are some human beings who intentionally want to crush the snails and ants just because they don’t like the look of them. Why kill them when the snails and ants just cross our paths but do not interfere with our lives?

Live and let live…that’s what the PM said in parliament yesterday with regard to the appeal of the minority community. My message for the larger community, be more tolerant and whether you like it or not, there is a place for every one of us on this earth no matter how small the numbers. And for the smaller community, I also say live and let live. End all that name-calling. Instead of arguing about sins and rights, learn the true meaning of love. You can never strike off things or people you dislike from this earth. You do not need to agree with them but you can certainly learn to accept it.

I sincerely hope the government’s decision wasn’t swayed by any particular religious group just because they are more prominently represented in the parliament. We are one united people, regardless of race, language or religion. Hope our cabinet remembers that.

You are not me…neither am I

2007-10-14T01:32:00.000+08:00

One day, Chuang-tzu and a friend were walking along a riverbank.
“How delightfully the fishes are enjoying themselves in the water!” Chuang-tzu exclaimed.
“You are not a fish,” his friend said. “How do you know whether or not the fishes are enjoying themselves?”
“You are not me,” Chuang-tzu said. “How do you know that I do not know that the fishes are enjoying themselves?”

How would others know when they are not me? I am me and even I don’t know. Who am I? I am not me.

Addendum to my last post

2007-10-12T18:20:00.000+08:00

Looks like NMP Siew Kum Hong is not giving up his hope of getting the penal code repealed. He is going to present a petition in parliament on 22 Oct. But time is running short, he has to get the people’s signatures by 14 Oct. If you’re a Singaporean and would like to support this people’s request for equality regardless of race, language, religion, sex or sexual orientation, you can download the petition signing page from here: Link.

Several of our local artistes have even put together a video clip to support this petition. Quite cute. Here it is: Link2.

A Matter of Choice

2007-10-09T16:42:00.000+08:00

There's been a lot of debate recently over a stupid penal code in our legislation that the government refuses to abolish. The affected community has hinted that it is due to the influence of a particular group among the men in white who are of a certain religion. I personally feel that the act is a joke because so far, the law has not and will not take action against those who breach that act and yet our parliament chooses to keep this archaic law that dates back to our colonial days. If I’m not wrong, even the British have repealed this act.

Although the act doesn’t affect me, I do find it ironical that the Prime Minister and his predecessors have publicly said we have to be tolerant and accept this particular community and yet they cannot convince the parliament to abolish it. The entire world is progressing and yet our country chooses to be archaic and stand firm on this issue. Are we really building “a democratic society based on justice and equality so as to achieve happiness, prosperity and progress for our nation?” Where is the democracy when cabinet decisions seems to be biased. Moreover, this is a matter of choice among consenting adults.

Can some kind soul explain to our Prime Minister the meaning of equality, happiness and progress. He and some of the men in white have memorised our pledge and say them every year at the national day parade but obviously they have failed to understand the significance of those words.

Hmmmm…I fear the day when someone decides to add a legislation that prohibits me from eating durian because a certain group of men in white cannot and will not tolerate the smell of durian. Those who dislike the smell or taste of durian, you have the choice to stay away from it but this durian-lover die die must eat it lor! Don’t you dare bar me from eating my durians hor!

Whatever religions may advocate, I only believe there is only one true religion in this world and that is love…unconditional love for every living thing on this earth. For the affected community, don’t be disheartened, just carry on living the life that brings you happiness. As what venerable Sheng Yan has said, “不论大路或小路，只要是依靠自己的力量所走出来的路，就是成功的好路。” Regardless whether the road is big or small, as long as the road was created through your own effort, it is a successful good road.

There is an online petition to repeal that penal code. If you’re interested to sign it, click here Link.

煩惱是人想出來的 Suffering originates from the mind

2007-09-27T16:32:00.000+08:00

I overheard a guy mention this on TV the other night 煩惱是人想出來的 (suffering originates from the mind). How true this is. My mind makes me think. Thinking makes me judge, compare, choose, decide. When I get what I want, I think I’m happy. When I don’t get what I want, I become unhappy and that leads to suffering.

A while back, when I had nothing to do, I became bored, my mind started to get restless causing me mental suffering. Last week, I had so much work to do, I didn’t really want to work so hard but the thought of earning extra money for my travelling plans made me push myself to do it. I suffered again…12 hours of work a day made me so tired mentally and physically. Why so much suffering? Because my mind told me it’s not what I want, I’m unhappy and suffering. What then do I want? I don’t really know. I only know what I don’t want.

Suffering originates from the mind but where does the mind originate from? Krishnamurti said “The self is a problem that thought cannot resolve.” So the answer is not to think? O_o

****************************************************
Thinker and Thought - J Krishnamurti
… a man who will understand the end of sorrow must understand this, must find, must go beyond this duality between the thinker and the thought, the experiencer and the experienced. That is, when there is a division between the observer and the observed, there is time, and therefore there is no ending of sorrow. Then, what is one to do? You understand the question? I see, within myself, the observer is always watching, judging, censoring, accepting, rejecting, disciplining, controlling, shaping. That observer, that thinker, is the result of thought, obviously. Thought is first; not the observer, not the thinker. If there was no thinking at all, there would be no observer, no thinker; then there would only be complete, total attention.

Book of Life - August 15th

A Concept About Myself

2007-09-16T21:02:00.000+08:00

If I had no concept about myself, what would happen to me?
Why have I, who have lived forty, fifty, sixty — or whatever number of years it is that one has lived — why have I gathered this store-houseful of what I think, what I feel, what I am, what I should be, this accumulation of experience, knowledge? And if I had not done that, what would happen? Do you understand? If I had no concept about myself, what would happen to me? I would be lost, wouldn’t I? I would be uncertain, terribly frightened of life. So I build an image, a myth, a concept, a conclusion about myself, because without this framework life would become for me utterly meaningless, uncertain, fearful: there would be no security. I may be secure outwardly; I may have a job, a house, and all the rest of it, but inwardly also I want to be completely secure. And it is the desire to be secure that compels me to build this image of myself, which is verbal. Do you understand? It has no reality at all; it is merely a concept, a memory, an idea, a conclusion.
- Krishnamurti

Nini: 2004-2007

2007-09-06T13:35:00.001+08:00

Nini died on Tuesday night. He was still ok in the morning before I left for work. I remember stroking him on his nose bridge when he looked up at me from his cage. My mum said he was still eating well in the afternoon when she fed him before she went out. But he was found lying motionless when she came back home in the evening. Not sure how he died. But I think he was traumatised by all the banging and drilling sound from the construction and renovation works that has been ongoing in my estate in the last few weeks.

I believe he must be having a good time now in the astral world. I do hope he can be reborn into a better realm in his next life and doesn’t need to be caged up anymore. Below are some of the last pictures of him I took in June. Wanted to post it then but never got down to doing it. Goodbye for now my rabbit friend.

Heart is filled with things of the mind

2007-09-01T12:09:00.000+08:00

Heart and mind cluttered and unclear.
Heart is filled with things of the mind.
Mind keeps creating, heart keeps reacting.
How to flush them out?
No judgement, no evaluation, no opinion, no fear.
Yeah…how not to?

Still going round in circles;
Still living in a world of my own.
Will this ever end?

身心安全的保障:
臨危險，不恐懼
逢歡樂，不狂喜
得之不以為多，失之不以為少
逆之不以為厭，順之不以為欣

眼前一直重複著那句「應無所住而生其心」
不住於統一，也不住於對立；
不執著，也不在乎。
有相對之心才能用智慧來處理；
有統一之心才能斷煩惱；
有超越之心才能既不執空也不落有。

但還是帶著自我在走;
還是活在個人的世界裡。
到底還要走多久啊？

Are You a Left or Right Brainer?

2007-08-25T12:27:00.000+08:00

After reading about comfort zones in our cerebral system, I was drawn to reading about our left and right hemispheres. Researchers say the left hemisphere of our brain is the control centre for our problem solving ability while the right hemisphere is where our creativity centre resides. Are you predominantly left or right brained?

A Left Brainer
A left-brained person generally processes information in a linear and sequential manner. He takes the pieces, lines them up in a logical order then draws the conclusion. He also takes pleasure in making lists and checking them off when they are accomplished. If you are more comfortable with linguistic and mathematical endeavours, can memorize vocabulary words or mathematical formula with ease and will pay attention to mechanics such as spelling, agreement, and punctuation, you’re likely to be left-brained. People who are left-brain dominant deal with things the way they are, with reality and when affected by the environment, they usually adjust to it. Left brain people want to know the rules and will follow them. if there are no rules for situations, they will probably make up rules to follow. In other words, rules cannot be broken.

A Right Brainer
A right-brain dominant person processes information from whole to parts holistically. He starts with the answer and sees not the details but the big picture first. He can randomly flit from one tack to another, without having addressed priorities. For those who have difficulty following a lecture unless an assigned chapter was read before hand, you’re likely to be right-brained. You need to know why you are doing something and want things to be concrete i.e. you prefer to see, feel or touch the real thing. You may have trouble learning to read using phonics, preferring to see words in context, to see how the formula works. If it’s not written down, you probably can’t remember it. You basically need to make a mental image of things as you read or hear them. Those who process solutions using intuition and have difficulties explaining how the answers are derived are also likely to be right-brained. You are creative and will probably remember well anything you become emotionally involved in as you are trying to learn. When affected by the environment, you will try to change the environment. If you’re right-brained, no rules is the rule.

After learning a little bit about the functions of these two hemispheres, I can understand better why certain people behave in certain ways. People who are regimental or orderly and stick by the rules are probably left-brain dominant while people who are disorganised and free with feelings are likely to be right-brain dominant.

I took several online tests myself and strangely enough, the results seem to indicate I’m a balanced-brained auditory learner. Some famous balanced-brained auditory learners include Madonna, Mozart and Robin Williams. Hmmm…that makes me quirky and yet can be dead serious when I want to. I am supposedly able to pay attention to both small details and larger issues when circumstances require and am able to capitalise on the left hemisphere’s skills in verbal communication as well as on the right hemisphere’s focus on patterns and association making. The result says this combination makes me a creative and flexible thinker. Really? Somehow I feel that I was born a right-brainer. I am naturally quite disorganised and can work with mess. Studying logically was never easy for me. I am more analytical and prefer to look at things from a wider perspective. I have the habit of doing a lot of things at one go without any focus and end up achieving nothing.

In the past, I’m sure teachers prefer the left-brain dominant students. But today, creativity is encouraged and the in-thing. Personally, I think there is no such thing as good or bad, right or wrong brain dominance. We’re born with two hemispheres for a good reason. So let’s try to maximise the use of both sides and take the middle path.

Want to know more traits of a left or right-brained? Here they are:

Left-brained
Rational
• Responds to verbal instructions
• Solves problems by logically and sequentially looking at the parts of things
• Looks at differences
• Is planned and structured
• Prefers established, certain information
• Prefers talking and writing
• Prefers multiple choice tests
• Controls feelings
• Prefers ranked authority structures
Sequential
• Is a splitter: distinction is important
• Is logical, sees cause and effect
Conclusion: Draws on previously accumulated, organised information.

Right-brained
Intuitive
• Responds to demonstrated instructions
• Solves problems with hunches, look for patterns and configurations
• Looks at similarities
• Is fluid and spontaneous
• Prefers elusive, uncertain information
• Prefers drawing and manipulating objects
• Prefers open-ended questions
• Free with feelings
• Prefers collegial authority structures
Simultaneous
• Is a lumper: connectedness is important
• Is analogic, sees correspondences, resemblances
Conclusion: Draws on unbounded qualitative patterns that are not organised into sequences but that cluster around images.

Any Mugus Amongst Us?

2007-08-16T23:52:00.000+08:00

This couch potato caught part of the Oprah Winfrey Show last night. The billionaire showhost was talking about online scams and I find it most incredible that so many people, including very intelligent and well-educated people have fallen prey to the Nigerian scams. According to an ABC investigative correspondent, the scammers have managed to con thousands of Americans of millions of dollars…to be exact, more than $3 billion a year. Apparently, the “mugus” - a term used to refer to the gullible fools - in US and Great Britain are most popular among the Nigerian scammers. About one per cent of Americans actually fall for the scams. Amazing huh?

I can’t understand why anyone would want to send thousands of dollars to a stranger whom they’ve never even met, just based on an unsolicited email or fax. I’ve personally received numerous of those Nigerian originated scam letters via snail mail, email and fax. From the look of the letter, you can already tell it can’t be real and never once did I even bother to read the entire letter but dump it straight into the trash bin. I mean, why on earth would some multi-millionaire living in some faraway country resort to appealing for help from total strangers like me to get hold of their legitimate inheritance? Haven’t they heard of lawyers and judicial systems? Even if they claim that they want to donate their inheritance to charity, why would they pick me to help them? And by coughing out just a few thousand dollars, I will be rewarded with a million dollars. Doesn’t it sound obviously incredulous and fishy?

Investigators said people fall for the scams mainly because of pure greed or were truly compassionate and wanted to help someone out. I’ve not heard of any mugus here who emptied their life savings to “help” but you never know. If it can happen to one percent of Americans, it definitely can happen to one percent of Singaporeans.

As what the investigator and Oprah advised, if anything sounds too good to be true, it probably is. Don’t be greedy and please…don’t be a mugu.

My First National Dog Walk

2007-08-10T22:34:00.000+08:00

I attended my first ever National Dog Walk last Sunday at the West Coast Park…without a dog. Some of you must be wondering…Huh? No dog but went to a dog walk??? I know, I know, I don’t own a dog but my two ex-colleagues from MINDEF do. One brought a Jack Russell while the other brought a Shih Tzu. It was supposed to be a gathering as we’ve not met for 10 years because one of them works overseas. I know it’s a strange place to have a gathering but we all love dogs. I must say just walking with other people’s dogs and seeing the multi-varieties of dogs congregating together was also a lot of fun. The dogs came in all sorts of attire…t-shirts, dresses, scarves…some even wore shoes!

The walk wasn’t very long…I think only 1.5 or 2 km but it was kind of messy and some dogs got tired. My friend’s Shih Tzu decided to sprawl himself on the footpath at one point in time but fortunately, he spotted a dog he liked and kept following it, sniffing it’s backside. That attraction managed to keep him moving until the end point.

I was quite surprised that quite a number of dogs, even huge ones, were unleashed and allowed to run around freely at the end of the walk at the dog park but they were of course quite well-behaved and didn’t cause any problems. Some dogs did have “squabbles” at the event. The fat Corgis especially were the most quarrelsome. There were also a couple of “fights” but the owners were quick in breaking them up before any damage was done to the pedigree dogs. From my observation, the smaller dogs seemed to be more aggressive than the bigger ones. Hmmm…

I took some pictures at the event but it was tough trying to capture nice shots of moving animals so naturally I ended up with a lot of blur shots. Anyway, here they are…some of the 1000 dogs with their owners, relatives and friends at our National Day Dog Walk.

Lots of Golden Retrievers at the walk.
Dogs just love to smell each other.
My friend’s Jack Russell. It’s the first time I come across such a small and well-behaved Jack Russell. Her name is Buffy but my friend prefers to call her “Dog” O_o.
This is Scooby, the Shih Tzu. He wasn’t as cooperative as Buffy when I tried to take pictures.
My favourite dog of the day was this huge, white, fluffy, playful dog…a Siberian Samoyed.

「人生目標」

2007-08-07T11:58:00.000+08:00

最近又開始迷上電視
台灣娛樂節目、港劇、韓劇我都在看
昨晚看的港劇剛巧提到我最近在思考的一件事
那就是「人生目標」

劇情是說有一名富家子整天遊手好閒
他老爸就逼他一定要想出自己的「人生目標」
他一天不把「人生目標」想出來
他老爸就會每天把一百萬捐給慈善

那富家子從來就沒認真的做過任何一件事
所以完全沒頭緒如何找到自己的「人生目標」
於是就委托一間偵探社幫他找出他的「人生目標」
私家偵探發現他很喜歡看電影就提議他去嘗試當演員
他對拍戲產生了興趣也終究找到了自己的「人生目標」

怎樣才算有「人生目標」
當你不愁吃不愁住不愁穿的時候
為甚麼還需要「人生目標」

雖然我說不上已經不愁吃住穿
但我沒甚麼夢想
不需要住大房子或坐大汽車
也不渴望有數不完的鈔票讓自己無度的揮霍

以前習慣過著忙忙碌碌的生活
生活一旦越過越簡單
需求越來越少
節奏越來越慢的時候
內心就會開始不平衡
無形中會開始喊…悶

活著就一定要有「人生目標」
匆匆忙忙、汲汲營營的追求著目標
這才算有意義
是這樣嗎

我還在尋找我的「人生目標」
或許是應該找偵探社幫忙的時候了

Have we lost our values?

2007-07-31T17:14:00.000+08:00

Friends reprimand me whenever I say that I’m old. Based on the current average human life span, I know I’m only at the halfway mark but recently, I can’t help but notice the gap between me and the youths widening. Some of their behaviour and thinking are so different from mine that it makes me wonder if I’m ageing at an accelerated speed.

I belong to the old camp and take a no-nonsense stand when it comes to handling kids but over the years, through my exposure and interaction with them in my voluntary work, I learn to understand their culture. I would consider myself quite adaptable to their ‘modern’ mentality by now. Even if I do not agree with some of their behaviours, I can keep mum about it and accept them as they are. My principle is, as long as the behaviour is not harmful, I am ok with it. Kids will outgrow their idiosyncrasies eventually.

There is one trend among youths which I find very disturbing and really cannot condone, and that is the habit of hurling verbal abuses or mouthing of all kinds of vulgarities. No, I’m not talking about our kids in cdac. They do spout some vulgar words sometimes but this post is not about them. We have fairly well-behaved kids at our centre ^_^.

Earlier this week, I was so stun when I read a post made by XX, one of our top local bloggers. She launched an ugly avalanche of accusations and vulgarities at LZB, a celebrity granny blogger. I found her long post of insults totally merciless. The girl must have lost her mind to write something so nasty and vulgar about a 69-year-old blogger.

This young blogger posted a couple of weeks ago a list of seven bloggers whom she considers the most disgusting in S’pore. She has always been a controversial blogger so such posts from her will not raise an eyebrow. In fact, to make it even more controversial, she included herself in that list. Her main attack was Steven L who honestly, is really disgusting but LZB was also in her hit list. XX’s comments about them obviously cannot be pleasant and when the old lady read her rude and crude comments, naturally she got upset and posted her reaction on her own blog. She claimed it was the saddest day of her life and then went on to express her disappoint at the attack and said some things which also were not that nice (she made some assumptions about the upbringing of XX) but nothing vulgar.

That post from LZB really got XX hot and furious and she retaliated immediately with that subsequent abusive post. I really got a rude shock when I read it. But thank goodness, she deleted it from her blog. I believe someone must have advised her to do that because it will definitely affect her future as a celebrity blogger and TV host/presenter. LZB is also an artiste under the stable of director Jack N. XX couldn’t be so stupid as to risk offending an influential director. Come to think of it, she was quite stupid to have posted it and let me read it…hehe!

XX loves to write controversial stuff because her readers love to read them. The original post was obviously her ploy to ruffle up the local blogging scene and start a crossfire of words among the bloggers. Why? To increase blog hits lah. She is a full-time blogger and the more readers she gets, the more she gets paid. Her first post alone received a thousand over comments from readers. It not only drew readers to her blog, it up the hits of the other bloggers too. It was a good ploy but unfortunately, she insulted an old lady who could not handle the game. XX ended up being the victim of her own game.

I’m quite eager to agree with LZB that XX’s behaviour has something to do with her upbringing. I mean which parent will allow their kids to have a total disregard for basic human values like courtesy, respect, responsibility and integrity, hurling foul-mouthed abuses and vulgarities at everyone and anyone? It’s not that occasional swearing of one or two words. I’m talking about the use of a whole dictionary of vulgarities in public. My dad would have killed me if I dare use such language.

What is truly disturbing is that XX does this quite often and yet the readers don’t seem to mind. Readers don’t find it offensive at all and a lot of them also left comments using the same set of vocabulary. Has this become a norm for our youths today? If it has, I will say the same words as LZB, “This is the saddest day of my life.”

Talking about comfort zones…

2007-07-26T23:18:00.000+08:00

I’ve been talking about comfort zones…and dancing is definitely not within mine. My amygdala always tells me that I got two left feet and a stiff-like-a-log body so no way for me to be able to shake and boogie like the youths today. I’m so amazed that the youngsters are able to pick up dance moves, whether breakdance, hip-hop, lindy hop or indian dance, all in a jiffy and without any awkwardness.

My generation will agree with me that we’re less expressive than the youths today especially when it comes to such performing arts. Kids today not only can sing and dance, they enjoy performing it in front of an audience. Why? They are able to stretch their comfort zones wider than us I guess.

Me and several volunteers brought the cdac kids to a dance session organised by the YMCA youths last Saturday. I thought it was a rare opportunity for the kids to learn something different and yet have fun. Most of the kids did have fun just prancing around while they were taught three dances in one short afternoon. But one of our boys who was forced out of his comfort zone cried big time when a female volunteer wanted to partner him. What a shame! No one could pacify him, even when I tried to change his partner to one of our male volunteers. So I just let him sit on the floor and cry lor!

Here are some pictures and video I took at the event. I felt the youth leaders from YMCA were real spontaneous in leading the kids. They even gave two performances at the end and let the kids know that all of them were also shy when they first started learning how to dance. But over time, they’ve become more confident and even have the courage to perform in front of an audience. Everyone can become a superstar. What a great learning and sharing experience by the youths, for the youths!

Hindi Dance

Hip-hop - I think this was the youths’ favourite

One of the performances by the YMCA youths

Trapped in my own mental conditioning

2007-07-23T18:08:00.000+08:00

Thanks to a project that I am currently handling, I’ve been forced to put aside my usual readings and research a little on neuroscience; the human brain, the amygdala and comfort zone.

The amygdala is an almond-shaped, small little component in our brain that works like a gatekeeper shutting out change and unfamiliar situations; it confines us to our comfort zone. Researchers say that when we step out of our comfort zone, it creates fear in us. The more stress and fear we develop, the greater the amount of neurotransmitters the amygdala will release to freeze us and stop us from stepping out.

Highly successful people have been known to step out of their comfort zones routinely to achieve what they want. If we dare to go against the amygdala, it results in the release of adrenaline or epinephrine hormones that will enable us to achieve feats which have been regarded as super human effort, such as lifting a car with our bare hands! Really? Can meh? Well, some researchers say the comfort zone is just a false mental conditioning that gives us an unfounded sense of security.

You people know I’ve been wanting to make a change to my career, my life but I don’t seem to be making much progress in this. Life has not changed much in the last six months and I am still running my design business as a going concern. I’m beginning to wonder if I’ve been so used to my lifestyle and am actually happy to stay where I am. I seem to be giving myself a lot of excuses to avoid the change. Is my amygdala preventing me from stepping out of my comfort zone or my cognitive dissonance playing tricks on me?

Is there really an invisible gatekeeper turning away propositions for me to change or is this mental conditioning self-imposed? If I really want to see major changes in my life, I have to ignore the neurotransmitters and stimulate the release of my adrenaline hormones. Friends, if you do see this ostrich’s head stuck in the hole on the ground, can you kindly yank it out? Just don’t yank out my feathers as well, that can be quite painful.

Walking in the Garden of Souls

2007-07-13T18:30:00.000+08:00

Do you crave for a world where there’s no trouble but only peace, no hurt, anger or hatred and no one ever becomes ill, grows old or dies? Here’s a piece of good news, there is such a place and all of us will get to live there…when we pass on from our human lives into the hereafter, at least according to George Anderson in his book ‘Walking in the Garden of Souls’.

The author is a medium and his job for the past few decades has been to communicate messages from people whom have passed on in life to their loved ones. Yes, he can see and hear the souls. When he was young, he hated at being different from the rest of the people around him because he was ridiculed for the things he saw and heard. Family members and friends even thought he had mental problems. As he was growing up, he tried to suppress this special ‘skill’ of his and chose to ignore the messages. But through his journey in life and after many extraordinary encounters, he began to understand the value of the messages and the impact they made on life here. He eventually accepted it as his assignment for this life.

George Anderson thinks we were once a much more spiritual planet thousands of years ago but because of education, we became too wise for our own good. We gained in knowledge, only to lose heavily in the purity of our souls. We discarded things which we could not understand and embraced anything that would distract us from the discomfort of hopelessness. But things are beginning to change. We are starting to shed our arrogance and realise that we are not the centre of the universe. There is now a growing need for spiritual fulfilment. We’re finally listening to voices around us and more importantly, we’re beginning to listen to our hearts.

The author says life is like a garden. What is planted by us will bloom for us in a life to come. We come to this earth with our fears, shortcomings, impatience and intolerance to learn how to create a garden on the earth. We are here to cultivate this garden that will feed our spiritual needs as well as the needs of others on the earth. And through our experiences in life, we tend this garden with the only tools that will work for us…love and hope.

The highlight of this book may be those interesting conversations he had with the souls, especially with some of the famous people in history but I won’t share them here. However, I do want to share what the author learnt from the souls. We all think that the moment people die, we lose them forever, just because we can’t see them anymore. George Anderson says that the souls or our loved ones never leave us. They are always beside us and can hear us and know exactly what we do. Nothing escapes the notice of the souls. In fact, by their caring nature, they are trying their best to help us. They know it’s a tough journey in life because they themselves have been through it. But our struggles will pay off when we complete our tasks here and our loved ones will be waiting for us to join them when we return to the Garden.

What I truly like about this book is the peace and hope it gives. Many people cannot come to terms with the tragedies and suffering that they experience in life. The pain and despair they felt often left a lasting, sometimes permanent impact on the rest of their lives. The writer understands that it is never easy to accept things we can no longer change in life but he keeps reiterating that there is always a reason why things happen. The souls through their messages want us to understand that these circumstances are part of the spiritual education for them as well as for us who are still alive.

“…we think dying is losing something. It is quite the opposite – dying here (after our work is done) is gaining everything. There is a reason for everything good and bad that happens here but we benefit from everything here when we ourselves return to the hereafter.”

Whichever way a person dies, whether by illness, accident, murder or suicide, no one will be punished, and no one will end up on the dark side because of the mistakes they made in their lifetime. Everyone who passes into the hereafter will have a chance to review their life and for whatever wrong or mistakes made, must reconcile and understand what they had done and work hard towards peace and true self-understanding so as to continue forward to the Infinite Light. Death is not the end but the gateway to the reward we will all earn in a magnificent existence.

“One day, each of us will find our way to that world, and find ourselves walking in the Garden of Souls. Until then, tend your garden – in happiness, in peace and in hope.”

My Afterthoughts
I personally do know of a family who lost their only son in a car accident about two years ago. Until today, both parents are still grieving the lost. Both of them were so full of life and energy before the tragedy but now, they seemed to have lost their drive and purpose in life. They aged so much ever since the death of their son. The wife must have cried until there were no more tears to be shed when she visited their son’s grave almost everyday. After so many months, the father is still wondering if he has a case in suing the bus driver for crashing into his son’s car. I do hope they can quickly find the peace within to forgive and move on with their lives.

ps: I want to thank a great friend for sending me this book. Great choice pal! I know who is the first person you want to meet in the hereafter. But its not time for you to return to the Garden as yet. You’ve still got some work to do in the garden here. Persevere and you’ll be rewarded. Make good use of the shit in the garden and remember, gardeners need to rest too.

Berlin

2007-06-28T00:52:00.001+08:00

Ok, this post is way way overdue. Writing, researching, editing and organising the pictures wasn’t easy. Sorry for the long wait. Here it is, finally.

Something New About Travelling in Europe
The last time I went to Europe, we had to clear the customs and get our passports stamped whenever we moved from country to country. I was pleasantly surprised on my second trip that it was no longer needed. The practice had been abolished when the EU was formed. I was sharing with my friends, doesn’t that mean illegal immigrants or overstayers can just sneak from country to country in a breeze? Not having to stand in front of stern-faced customs officers definitely made travelling less of a hassle and more pleasant but travellers, you are still expected to carry your travel documents with you at all times when in Europe as random checks may be conducted by the authorities.

Another difference between the two trips was this second time round I didn’t have a proper guide. You really need to read up and know a lot of things before you go on a free and easy trip. Otherwise you’ll just be taking in the sights blindly. For me, the understanding only came after my return…hahaha. I did my research only while I was trying to caption some of the pictures here. Read on if you want to know about my Berlin trip…otherwise, just look at the pictures!
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Berlin, Germany
The three of us went on a four day trip to Berlin by coach booked through a travel agent in Deventer. We had to take a train from Deventer to the town of Hengelo to join the coach. We reached Hengelo a little early so we walked around to get a drink before embarking on our six-hour long journey. We found near the train station a nice brown café with typical western style unfinished wooden flooring and blackened wood fittings. The row of bar stools aligned by the bar counter were all unoccupied as it was too early for drinking.
When we board the coach, it was full of senior Dutch tourists. Something I didn’t expect though was the sightseeing commentaries given by the driver and guide. Throughout the trip, they both spoke in Dutch! Hmmm…now what other language should they use when the coach was full of Dutch tourists except for three Singaporean Chinese and a Greek couple? Their rambling in a language which I couldn’t understand did not really irritate me that much because my eyes were busy taking in the bountiful greenery on both flanks of the highway while my ears were plugged in to either my laptop or mp3 player most of the time. As C could understand Dutch, she did try to translate some of the things the driver and guide highlighted.
Took these pictures while the coach was cruising on the highway. I just love the green scenery.When we finally reached Berlin after being on the road for hours, my first reaction was, what a big contrast to Deventer! From a small cosy Dutch city of small houses, we were now in a huge German city with lots of concrete high-rise buildings, very much like Singapore. However, the city of Berlin somehow looked dull and gloomy with the cloudy weather and the massive grey buildings and monuments. Perhaps I’m too used to the abundance of trees and shrubs amidst the concrete jungle in S’pore. But despite the lack of greenery in Berlin, the sight of ‘botak’ or barren trees against the dim but magical blue sky before nightfall was still very captivating.
The Berliner Dom (Berlin Cathedral)
Don’t you think this is very ‘Winter Sonata’?

Interesting ornaments and monuments
The museum island and the Lustgarten in the middle. Five museums can be found here.

Berlin boasts of having one of the largest departmental stores in Europe. The KaDeWe, short for Kaufhaus des Westens is bigger than the Harrods of London, sells anything and everything. If I remember correctly, I think the coach driver said there are 2500 varieties of sausages and cheese being sold in the store. But the things there are mostly branded and of course expensive. All the Gucci, Mucci, Fucci, you name it, they got it. I really wonder how many Berliners can afford to shop there. The store was just too big and too expensive for us so we didn’t really cover the entire building.

All visitors in Berlin will surely walk down the famous Unter Den Linden which means “Under the Limetree”. This promenade is almost a mile long and can be quite a tiring walk. The dynamic, long straight avenue is flanked by shops, museums, consulates and monuments and will lead you to the Brandenburger Tor, Berlin’s only remaining city gate. Situated in no man’s land just behind the wall during the separation, this monument reminded me very much of the Arc de Triomphe in Paris. It looked more magnificent at dusk than in the day. When you’re there, do also look out for the famous Hotel Adlon. No, I wasn’t drawn to the grandeur of the hotel but the cute bellhops that work there…hehehe! Too bad I didn’t take any pictures of them. The Brandenburger Tor by day and by dusk.
Humboldt University
A war memorial but I have no idea what’s the name of this monument.
We saw a lot of people walking through this park and so we followed. Nice right? I think it is part of the Tiergarten.
Oh…you can find another cute chap at Checkpoint Charlie, the legendary checkpoint between the American and Soviet sectors during the split. Throngs of tourists took turns to have their pictures taken with this guy in American GI uniform at the famous border crossing. I’m not sure if he is really an American or just dressed up for display. According to E, you need to pay to pose with him. Gee…that’s silly right? But then again, who would agree to stand there on display the whole day without being paid?

To be fair, he looks quite cute lah…right?
A reminder of the split…a piece of the Berlin wall and the two types of passports.

Ask me for my impression of Berlin and I will tell you that it may be the biggest city of Germany but honestly, it looked a little depressing. We saw lots of graffiti on the walls which I normally associate with acts of anger, frustration or boredom. This is more prominent in the eastern part of the city which still looks rundown as compared to the western sector. The Berliners also generally don’t look as happy or friendly as the Dutch in Deventer, perhaps due to their political history and their still bleak economic situation. The guide told us the unemployment rate there was 18%. I would be depressed and grumpy too if I were jobless and living in this high-cost city.
Remnants of the Berlin wall…now a showcase of avant garde art.
Fortunately, there were many colourful buddy bears lining the streets to brighten up this otherwise dull city. The bear is symbolic with Berlin thanks to a ruler some 900 years ago by the name of Albert the Bear. A Berliner, Eva Herlitz created the colourful buddy bears in 2002 to convey an important message - one of friendship, tolerance, and peace. These bears were subsequently sold to raise fund in aid of children. I think Jackie Chan was the one who made these bears famous. He spotted them while filming in Berlin and when he found out they were created for a charitable cause, he got involved in the programme, bought some of the bears and naturally generated big publicity for these bears. Now I understand the existence of those obiang looking lions that were found in the Raffles Place area a few years back…copycats of the Berliner buddy bears. Merlion buddy cats? Yaks!
Buddy bears and teddy bears galore…
including one that tried to kill me!

On one of the nights, I wanted to eat the frankfurter when I saw the guy with the umbrella selling them along the streets. How can I not eat frankfurters when I’m in Germany right? But C refused to let me buy from him. She said it wasn’t hygenic! >_< Anyway, when we spotted this frankfurter stand at the bazaar, she finally permitted me to buy one. Yes! Happiness at last.See me grinning from ear to ear…
eating the famous German frankfurter.
The art and craft bazaar…quite iconic of European culture.

Oh yes…while in Berlin, we also ended up in Potsdam accidentally. I said accidentally because on that day, we thought the coach driver was going to drop us off in the town area but he ended up taking us all the way to Potsdam where the rest of the people on the coach were supposed to visit a couple of palaces in an optional tour. I later found out online that Potsdam was actually the former centre of Prussia, famous for its castles and gardens which are now part of UNESCO’s world cultural heritage. Hmm…if I had known earlier, I would have joined in the optional tour.

Anyway, by mistake we saw another part of Germany which I found to be more warm and welcoming than Berlin. But very strangely, the streets were so quiet, practically deserted. C and the Greek couple were in a hurry to get to the train station to go back to Berlin…I wonder why. We were already in Potsdam so why not take in the sights right? Me and E did just that! Here are some of the pictures taken in Potsdam.

We took this double-decker train back to Berlin. Pretty impressive…clean and comfortable.
Lastly, something interesting in Berlin. Huge lifesize digital canvas printouts were commonly seen instead of hoardings for covering construction and renovation worksites. Pretty impressive, very vibrant and from my opinion, definitely very costly to have. They make it look so much like the real thing. See the pictures below. Nice!

SHG Camp 2007

2007-06-19T09:00:00.001+08:00

We just had our annual camp again last weekend. I must thank all my Yuying volunteers who made it to the camp and helped out in one way or another. As usual, my poor body is still recuperating from the physical exhaustion of running around with the kids and not getting proper sleep. I think I managed to catch only about 1-2 hours of sleep on the hard canteen benches.

The first part of the camp was held at the Singapore Discovery Centre (SDC) to coincide with another CDAC event that was being graced by the Minister Mr Lim Swee Say and several other MPs. I think it’s the first time that SHG was being showcased to the Minister. SDC definitely wasn’t the most conducive place for camp activities but I shan’t complain too much because we were running around in air-conditioned environment most of the time…hehe!

In the evening, we moved on to a school compound to continue with the rest of the activities for the camp. I must say the classrooms in that school were one of the dirtiest I’ve seen in all my years of camping in schools. There were plastic bags and other rubbish all over the place…that’s why I refused to sleep in the classroom. At the canteen, at least it was cleaner and had better ventilation. In fact, it was so windy in the middle of the night, I almost caught a chill. I had a tough time deciding whether I should cover my upper body or my legs with my windbreaker.

This year’s camp was different from previous years as the organisers were not our own SHG volunteers but volunteers from B-cube and JJC. As such, the planning and activities were quite different from what SHG volunteers have been used to. Well, when you have volunteers from 17 to about 25 years of age doing the organising, you can’t have the same expectations. They were less particular about things like discipline and orderliness. In fact some activities seemed a little disorganised but generally, I thought they did a good job in giving the kids a fun time. They were able to stimulate interest among the kids in most activities such as the cheering and even got the kids to participate in a couple of dances which us oldies would have regarded as mission impossible. In our opinion, the kids will never do such lame dances but they actually did it. We did it too. Bravo! Clap! Clap! Clap!

There were some grouses though. Some volunteers felt that it was improper to get the kids to shower, have dinner and then get all sweaty again by running around and play captain’s ball in the night. An older volunteer also grumbled about being ‘ordered’ by the young volunteers to do some actions repeatedly together with the kids…kind of humiliating huh? I think the young volunteers basically did not realise that some of us are twice their age. If they knew my age, I’m sure they would have got a rude shock…hahaha!

Any complaints from me? Not really…oh yeah…there’s one. When I was on sentry duty, one girl got up around 5+am to go to the washroom. I walked her all the way there, only to see her wet her hands, brush her hair, look at herself in the mirror and walk out of the washroom. I asked her very sternly “You mean you didn’t need to use the toilet? Don’t try to be funny with me!” Guess what? The girl dashed into the cubicle in super fast time to pee! Hahahaha…I’m quite a tyrant huh?

Here are some pictures and videos I took at the camp:
Getting to know each other through ice-breaking games and flag-making.

Learning to cheer and follow instructions.

The Minister actually sat down on the floor to see us play…^_^

Lots of games to keep the kids busy throughout the day. Kept me busy too…had to run with my team from station to station.

JJC students full of energy…but of course…they are less than half my age >_<.

Dance No. 1 - The Chicken Dance

Dance No.2 - The Indian Dance…I thought that was quite fun.

The waterbomb session was a bit messy. Everyone just started throwing at each other aimlessly. Our kid Vindy got hit on the neck and cried so loudly…boohoohoo.

The aftermath…look at all the plastic bags on the floor.

Prize presentation time…

About to break camp…cheering for the last time…also photo-taking time.

Why all looked so glum huh?

My afterthoughts
Although the young volunteers did not organise everything to perfection, I thought they accomplished the most important thing which was to let the kids have fun. Some activities were silly, I agree. But as long as the kids had fun, screamed, yelled, cheered…and the most grouchy girl from my centre actually smiled and laughed so much, I think the camp was a success. And when a usually quiet little girl also started chatting with me about the most mundane thing on our way back, I know we broke the ice! Yes!

I personally think it’s good to have young volunteers participating in the camp. They have the energy, can do with little sleep, are more tolerant of today’s kids’ antics and are popular with the kids with their hyperactive attitude. From a score of 1 to 10, I would say the JJC volunteers deserved an 8.

I have to admit that my no-longer-young body needs proper rest every night and I mean every night. Because of the stupid security guard’s refusal to let us in and out of the school compound freely, we had to stay in throughout the night. Thanks again to my fellow volunteers who also stayed the night to help with the sentry duty. But seriously, we oldies really should not stay overnight at such camps anymore, agree?

A Sudden Moment of Happiness

2007-06-06T23:52:00.001+08:00

Most of you would know that I’ve not been exactly successful with my job applications and clients’ projects also seemed to be at a standstill. Time really flies. Unknowingly, I’ve been idling around for about three or four months now but suddenly this week, its a total change. This is an extremely busy week for me…quite a rare phenomenon so although I am physically exhausted, my bones and muscles are aching all over, I am enjoying every moment of my tiredness.

Last Sunday I was a proctor at an exam, had to stand on my feet for almost 11 hours then clients started calling me and gave me some projects to do. I also have to attend two full-day training sessions this week to get myself certified for a regular part-time job scoring English scripts.

Tonight, I felt really exhausted while I was waiting for my bus at the bus-stop near my workplace. I was indulging in my tiredness and was almost going to succumb to some self-pity when I decided to take my MP3 player out for the first time in weeks or months and listen to some music. When the music started streaming into my ears, I felt such a strong wave of warmth and happiness, I was almost in tears. My MP3 happened to be playing a collection of songs sent to me by friends from all over the world. As I enjoyed the tunes and listened hard to the meaningful lyrics, I felt so touched. All those songs and words are so important and appropriate to me right at this point in time of my life.

I just want to say, thank you my friends. Thanks for the songs, thanks for being a friend and thanks for being there for me. I am getting more focused now but the journey is still bumpy. I will try my best and should my best fail me, I will still be me, be here, and be with you.

Time for bed now. Gotta sit for that certification test tomorrow.

Tiredness

2007-05-30T16:25:00.000+08:00

I get two types of tiredness, one from having too much to do and another from having basically nothing to do. The too-much-to-do kind of tiredness may be physical or psychological but I can recover from it in due time because busy periods or busy minds will never stay forever. Once the overload of work or thoughts have been cleared, my body or mind has rested sufficiently, I will be recharged and become normal again. Tired I may seem but I actually enjoy it. Hehe…I am a workaholic after all.

But when this workaholic gets hit by the nothing-to-do kind of tiredness or boredom, it can be quite frightening. It creeps up on me quietly, and before I know it, overwhelms me and I become so disoriented, transforming me into an unrecognisable zombie. I basically lose my focus in life when I get bored. When I’m not mindful and indulge in this kind of tiredness, I get sucked deeper and deeper into the black hole. This form of tiredness did hit me recently and I hate it.

Whether it’s tiredness from having too much to do or nothing to do, we can all conquer it. Why? Because our mind is stronger than what we believe it to be. Ajahn Brahm advises that we should learn to put 100% energy into the moment, then we will have 100% energy for the next moment. If we allow ourselves to become negative, we will never have that 100% energy in whatever we do. It’s the negativity that makes us tired.

By being unhappy and grumpy about how much more work we have to do, we are just psychologically making ourselves tired even before we start working on it. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. If I keep telling myself that I am tired, I hate what I have to do, I can’t cope with what I have to do, I really end up being tired, can’t cope and give up easily. But if I tell myself that I should just focus on the task, do what I can, give it my best shot, I end up completing the task and much faster. Yes, I may still be physically tired at the end of it but I know I will get the satisfaction that I did it, I completed the task!

Ajahn Brahm says there’s an incredible boost of energy hidden in every one of us. We’ll get this incredible boost of energy if we do everything selflessly without expecting anything in return. How true. We often feel tired when we expect something in return for our efforts. But if we get to the heart of the human condition, do everything wholeheartedly and with vitamin C, C for compassion, we are more likely to inject that extra boost of energy to accomplish the task. I think that kind of energy, I do have, the energy of happiness, of serving, of giving life meaning. It’s the energy for myself, my life that I really need to relook and uncover.

Indulgence in boredom or tiredness from having nothing to do can really inflict great damage to me and my direction in life. When I don’t know how to sit still and rest when I’m given the opportunity, I become disoriented. I must conscientiously remind myself to be more alert and sound the alarm when it creeps up on me. I can’t allow my thoughts, my mind, my life to be eaten up by boredom.

WAKE UP NOW…THIS MOMENT! Ok, ok, I can hear me…there’s no need to shout.

Are You Cooking Well in Life?

2007-05-23T22:41:00.000+08:00

I saw a zen movie last Sunday entitled ‘How to Cook Your Life’. It was the closing movie for the Asian Buddhist Film Festival, held in Singapore for the first time. Nine movies were screened in the festival but I saw only one. Actually I had already seen two of the other movies ‘The Cup’ and ‘Shower’ during the Singapore International Film Festival a number of years back. Anyway, whether old or new movies, all the shows were sold out. Good to hear the festival was a success because that means I will get to enjoy more of such film festivals in the future.

The movie was screened at Lido 1, the biggest theatre in that cineplex. It didn’t come as a surprise to me that all the seats were filled up because it had an added attraction. The ever-popular globetrotting monk, Ajahn Brahm was also at the screening and gave a talk right after the show.

‘How to Cook Your Life’ is a documentary revolving around Zen Master Edward Espe Brown, a student of Suzuki Roshi, the revered Zen Master. In the movie, Edward explains how he practises and teaches zen in his kitchen. But what has cooking got to do with zen? Well, everything in life is zen. So how do we practise zen in the kitchen? When you’re cutting your carrots, just cut the carrots. When you’re kneading the dough, just knead the dough. When peeling potatoes, just peel the potatoes.

Don’t we often find our hands working on one thing but our mind subconsciously drifting away to some other thoughts after a while? Not just in cooking but in almost everything we do in life. Why is that so? That’s what we’re supposed to discover through the practise of mindfulness.

According to the teachers, when we cook, we are not just cooking, not just working on the ingredients and the cooking process, we are also working on ourselves. As what Ajahn Brahm said, “It’s not what you cook but how you cook it that matters.” Having the best ingredients in life does not necessarily mean we will bake the best cake. It’s the attitude that will bring about the best cake in the world.

Edward Espe Brown has been a zen practitioner for 40 years but tells us he still gets angry and experiences other kinds of feelings like impatience and frustrations in the kitchen. Why? He too is also only a human. The importance is in seeing why those feelings arise and how we manage them.

One scene in the movie that left quite a deep impression was when Edward started to tear as he was reflecting about seeing himself as the worn-out teapot in the kitchen. Like the teapots, we get scratches and hard knocks all the time in life but despite all the dents, tarnished surface and imperfections, the teapot is still a useful teapot that will continue to hold and serve tea to all.

We must practise mindfulness and learn to cook our life and not allow it to cook us. I’ve been provided with some of the best ingredients in life but somehow, I just don’t seem to be able to bake a decent cake as yet. At this present moment, I think I’m being cooked by my mind and thoughts…again. >_<

Wishes and Thoughts

2007-05-22T16:12:00.000+08:00

When I was a child, I wanted to be an adult because only adults have the freedom to do what they want to do…or so I thought.

When I was in school, I couldn’t wait to get out of school because only then will I have the freedom to play as much as I want…or so I thought.

When I became an adult, I really thought I finally have all the freedom in the world to do what I truly want to do but how naive my thought was…I had just been handed a life sentence.

I had a wonderful childhood…but I wish I had remembered it more.

I had an unforgettable school life…but I wish I had appreciated it more.

I’ve lived 20 years of an adult’s life…I wish I had awakened a little more.

What do I wish now? To live the remaning part of my life without any wish or thought.

Who Gets a Second Chance?

2007-05-16T00:45:00.000+08:00

Last weekend, my sister-in-law had to call in the police because her 24-year-old foreign maid had been stealing from her family members. This maid has just been working for the family for about a month and within that short period took a lot of things belonging to different family members and kept them. Items such as a watch, a small diamond ring, some clothings, a belt, kids’ stationery, toy costume jewellery etc. were uncovered from her belongings. As the evidence were all there, the police had to handcuff her and take her away. I think this young maid will be charged, sent to jail and repatriated back to her country upon her release.

The first thought that appeared in my mind when I heard about her arrest was, did she borrow money to come here to work? If she did, she’s going to be in even more trouble when she goes home. Most of these foreign workers have to pay the agents commission equivalent to at least six months of their salary to get them these overseas assignments. They normally cannot afford to pay the commission so they either borrow from friends and relatives or get the agents to deduct it from their salary once they start work here. I hope this maid did not borrow from any loan sharks back home.

From those items she stole, I could tell that she wasn’t very bright. She didn’t take very expensive stuff nor any money. And how was she planning to get away with the stolen goods when she had no accomplice? She’s got no friends or relatives working here. I guess she came from some rural village and the temptation of owning all those shimmering and colourful things she had never seen or owned before in her life just got to her head.

If this was your maid, would you have called in the police or given her a second chance? My sister-in-law’s viewpoint was that she didn’t want to risk having someone she can’t trust at home alone with her three young children.

I live in a city but I long for a chance to live a simple life in some rural villages in places like Thailand. And yet there are so many people who long for a chance to work and live in Singapore. Sigh…the different wants of human beings.

Stop wanting. Just live.

Lessons to be Learnt Everywhere

2007-05-07T23:45:00.000+08:00

Last Friday, on my way to work on the MRT, I noticed this boy with Down’s Syndrome sitting opposite me rearranging his school bag. He was a student of MINDS Special School. MINDS stands for Movement for the Intellectually Disabled of Singapore, a non-government run organisation that has been helping the intellectually disabled in Singapore since 1962.

When the boy board the train, he started removing practically everything from his bag very carefully, item by item and placed them very neatly in two piles on the seat next to him. He took out a couple of exercise books, a lot of art drawings, a Spider-Man notebook, a Spider-Man drawing, a box of colour pencils and a lot of other stuff which I couldn’t identify. What caught my attention was not his disability but the calm and unhurried manner that he went about with his task. He took his own sweet time and seemed to be enjoying what he was doing, scrutinising his possessions and stacking them neatly in two equal piles.

As I was watching him carrying out his task, the train began to get crowded and I was quite sure that sooner or later someone would approach him and ask him to remove his stuff from the seat. True enough, a stern and rugged looking man in t-shirt and shorts, holding a copy of newspapers got into the train carriage and walked towards the seat. The boy looked up and the man told him to remove his items from the seat. The boy nodded and began putting his stuff back into his school bag. I was so surprised when he kept his things in exactly the same slow, systematic and unflustered manner as when he removed them. He picked up his multiple drawings carefully, one at a time, then his exercise books, then his Spider-Man drawing, then the Spider-Man notebook, then his box of colour pencils etc, etc.

By then, I was getting a bit worried as I was quite sure the man would lose his patience and yell at him to hurry up. But guess what? The man just stood there quietly watching the boy pick up his things from the seat piece by piece, one item at a time and when he saw the Spider-Man items, he asked the boy if he liked the comic character. The boy grinned at him and replied very excitedly “Ya, I like Spider-Man!” The man then asked him if he had seen the movie and the boy said he had.

After the train had gone past three MRT stations (a good five minutes), the boy finally kept everything in his bag. He had also reached his destination. He and the man said good-bye to each other and he got out from the train. The man finally could sit down to read his papers and immediately exclaimed to his companion “That boy is very neat!” And there I was smiling so brightly, having witnessed the entire incident.

Why journal this incident? One, the boy had more zen mind than me. He was so focused on his one task, nothing could distract his attention, not even when under pressure. Such strong one-pointed concentration. I often buckle under pressure and lose my concentration. I wish I could live my life in as calm and focused manner as him. Two, I judged that man by his looks but he turned out to be quite a friendly and very patient man. Three, I’m glad to be living in a country where people are tolerant and understanding towards others with physical or intellectual disabilities.

I rarely say this…but I am proud to be a Singaporean. ^_^

Some Just-for-fun Tests

2007-05-04T00:26:00.000+08:00

I did a few of those personality tests again today. If you’re bored and need some entertainment, you can try out these three below. Umm…do take the results with a pinch of salt please.

The Shower Test Link 1
When you step into a shower, which part of the body do you wash first? I’m not going to tell you my answer here. Email me privately if you’re really curious!

Want to know which cartoon character are you? Link 2
This I can tell you. I’m a Tweety Bird! ^_^

Pooh-Piglet Psychometric Test Link 3
I’m more of a Pooh in this test. Hmmm…but the website doesn’t explain what that meant.

Different Drummers

2007-05-03T23:16:00.000+08:00

I was a little in the blues the last few days and I found this on the net. Very interesting. How timely.

Different Drummers
If I do not want what you want,
please try not to tell me that my want is wrong.

Or if I believe other than you,
at least pause before you correct my view.

Or if my emotion is less than yours, or more,
given the same circumstances,
try not to ask me to feel more strongly or weakly.

Or yet if I act, or fail to act,
in the manner of your design for action,
let me be.

I do not, for the moment at least, ask you to understand me.
That will come only when you are willing
to give up changing me into a copy of you.

I may be your spouse, your parent, your offspring, your friend, or your colleague. If you will allow me any of my own wants, or emotions, or beliefs, or actions, then you open yourself, so that some day these ways of mine might not seem so wrong, and might finally appear to you as right – for me.

To put up with me is the first step to understanding me. Not that you embrace my ways as right for you, but that you are no longer irritated or disappointed with me for my seeming waywardness. And in understanding me you might come to prize my differences from you, and, far from seeking to change me, preserve and even nurture those differences.

– Extracted from Please Understand Me II by David Keirsey

Quote:
If a man does not keep pace with his companions,
perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer.
Let him step to the music which he hears,
however measured or far away.
— Henry David Thoreau

Live to Eat – Life Before Zen (2)

2007-04-25T22:35:00.000+08:00

Singaporeans always grumble that we lack entertainment in this small little island of ours. With not many places to go, a lot of us indulge in eating to pass time. As in most Asian countries, we can eat anytime and anywhere. Any moment you walk into a food court in any shopping mall and you’ll find people eating there regardless whether it is meal time or not. I should say anytime is a good time for eating.

Whenever friends arrange to meet, it has to be over a meal or a drink. I always find it such a hassle deciding where to eat or drink. “Where to eat huh?” is always the question posed. Can be quite a headache sometimes when several parties have different tastes and preferences and just can’t come to a consensus.

My family dine out at restaurants all the time during my younger days as my dad loved to eat good food. From a young age me and brothers had the luxury of sampling all kinds of cuisine - Chinese, Japanese, Indian, Korean, Indonesian, Russian, Italian, French - you name it and we would have tried it. I used to love the black pepper steak at Troika, a classy Russian restaurant located at the DBS building along Shenton Way. No other grills could do it as well as Troika. That restaurant is of course long gone but I’m sure the beef at Shashlik (located at Far East Shopping Centre) is just as good because it’s owned by some of the former staff from Troika. I also remember fondly the tender smoked duck (樟茶鴨) served at Minjiang restaurant and the teppanyaki salmon from the Shima restaurant in Goodwood Park Hotel.

Back in those days, seafood was practically a staple food for us. My dad used to eat chilli crabs at least once a week and so we all got to eat our share as well. I always tell friends that I’ve already eaten my quota of crabs and sharks’ fins for this and next life, that’s why I can’t have any more of those seafood. But I can still help you crack open a stubborn crab’s claw if you need help…hehe! Don’t worry, I won’t put the succulent crab meat into my mouth because I’ve already grown accustomed to appreciating toufu and greens while my friends from overseas savour our famous chilli and pepper crabs.

In the past, breakfast with my family on a Sunday morning very often was a big bowl of pork liver mee sua (豬肝麵線) plus bak kut teh (肉骨茶). I also enjoyed kway chap (粿汁) very much with lots of pig intestine, pig skin and the other innards which I can’t identify. Yup, I ate a lot of pork stuff back then. But ever since my experiment with a vegetarian diet, my eating habits changed. Today, if I were to walk past a pig’s organs soup (豬雜湯) or minced pork noodles (肉脞麵) stall, I will need to hold my breathe or else I may puke. I find the strong pork smell repulsive. Yes, I’ve become sensitive to pork smell but that doesn’t mean I don’t eat pork anymore. I still do but the meat should be well marinated and should not be too porky. Crystal Jade’s 小籠包 still tastes ok to me when I dip it into ginger and black vinegar.

Nowadays, because of my half-day vegetarian diet, I spend less time thinking about what to eat. I eat mainly to fill up my stomach and can eat fried vermicelli (米粉) with taukua (豆乾) everyday without much complaints. I also often have tomato cucumber sandwich for my meals. Even just having wholemeal bread dipped into olive oil is fine with me. I think maybe I’ve become a bit lazy when it comes to meals. But I do conscientiously try to have a healthier and more balanced meal like asking for brown rice at the vegetarian stalls and have a mix of vegetables and beancurd instead of ordering those rubbery mock meat.

Do I still have craving for food? Yes I do. Last night, I saw my brother eating fried chicken at around midnight. The chicken smelled so good. I told myself I must have fried chicken tonight and I really did. But not even half way through my meal, I knew that I made the wrong choice. I didn’t really enjoy the texture of the chicken meat and needed lots of chilli sauce to camouflage the taste. Luckily my brother didn’t have his dinner yet so I gave half of the chicken to him.

Ask my old buddies and they will tell you that I used to live to eat. But now, I think I eat to live. If you ask me out for a meal, I will still eat whatever’s available, even pork or chicken as I still stick to my principle of not making things difficult for people who eat with me. It doesn’t have to be a vegetarian meal but should there be a pot of vegetables mixed with meat, chances are I will pick up the vegetables rather than the meat.

“Human Beings and Situations Require Deeper Thought”

2007-04-24T14:48:00.000+08:00

I’ve not been visiting MK’s blog for a long time as that SF craze had died down aeons ago. As I was organising my browser bookmarks yesterday, I clicked on that blog again and was surprised that she actually posted about the Virginia Tech incident. I forgot that she was a former Hokie.

MK was saddened by the way people were generating stories about the gunman, saying things like “They knew it was him.” “They’d be surprised if it wasn’t him.” I too was disheartened when I read that the guy’s former classmate actually commented “Looking back, he fit the exact stereotype of what one would typically think of as a ‘school shooter’ – a loner, obsessed with violence, and serious personal problems."

What did the classmate mean by “a typical school shooter”? What kind of world are we living in if we really accept the labelling and existence of such a type of human being amongst us and not bother to do anything about it until something tragic has happened?

MK hasn’t changed much. She’s still the sensible and positively influential celebrity that I stumbled upon and admired a year ago. She said a prayer for her fellow Hokies and proposed that we should all spare a moment to say a blessing for those whom got killed or hurt in the incident. I felt really warm when I read these great words of hers on the blog:

“Human beings and situations require deeper thought than just the ordinary glance over. Everything in hindsight always seems 20/20, I know. I just hope we can learn something positive from this situation and I’m hopeful we will. Mostly, I wish the people of America would open their eyes to a ban on all guns.“

Kudos to Michelle. I can see why I still admire this celebrity.

魚的嘴巴會痛 – Life Before Zen (1)

2007-04-18T01:24:00.000+08:00

Many years ago, I had a passion for fishing. I remember fondly those days when I went to the Southern Islands, Changi and the Raffles Lighthouse on boat trips with my fishing buddies from Mindef. So much fun I had then with those national servicemen (NSmen) from my department. I was on such friendly terms with those guys that I even got ticked off by my boss for not drawing a line between an officer and NSmen. I remember being quite pissed off by his comment. Who was he to tell me how I should treat my friends. I guess that was probably one of the contributing factors for me resigning from that job.

On some Sundays when I didn’t have any company for fishing, I would go to Bedok Jetty by myself early in the morning before my family woke up. I had to sneak out of the house quietly with my fishing equipment because my dad disapproved of me fishing. I couldn’t comprehend then why he didn’t approve of fishing when he himself had been a fishing enthusiast when I was still a kid. He would travel all the way to Malaysia to fish and often return with huge ice box full of fish and squids.

Anyway, I loved fishing because it was one hobby that could take my mind off everything and I mean everything. The moment I took out my fishing tackles and cast the line into the sea, I forgot all my worries, fears, anger and frustrations in life. My focus would be entirely on the line, waiting patiently for the fish to take the bite. Whether I was using a rod or a hand-line, the moment I felt the fish bite the bait and tugged at the line, the adrenaline rush I got was amazing…beyond words. Until today I can still remember the feeling of the vibration of the line in my hand.

One day, I think about 10 years ago, a friend asked me, 『你去釣魚？魚的嘴巴會痛喔！』(“You go fishing? The fish’s mouth will hurt!”) At that point in time, I didn’t think much about what that friend said but strangely enough, I actually gave up fishing. I can’t remember exactly when it happened but it was probably six to eight years ago. The thought of the hook being lodged in the fish’s mouth or eye was just too unbearable. I visualised a hook being stuck in my mouth or eye and imagined the pain when the hook was being removed and that was it. No more fishing for me.

Some of you must be wondering, why mention about fishing? You see, after all these years, I still have my fishing equipment in my room and I face this dilemma, should I give them away to current fishing enthusiasts or should I throw them away? I spent quite a bit of money buying those stuff so throwing them away would be very wasteful. But if I gave them away, I would indirectly be responsible for more fish being hurt by the hooks.

What do you suggest?

Experiencing a Zen Retreat

2007-04-10T22:40:00.002+08:00

Part of my new year resolution was to join in at least one or two retreats this year. I did just that a few days ago. Was in Pengerang, Malaysia on a zen retreat from Thursday late afternoon till Saturday morning. It was supposed to last until Sunday but I had to rush back for my voluntary work duties on Saturday. Yup, that’s something I can’t put down all these years.

This wasn’t the first retreat for me but it definitely left a lasting impression because I got double the dosage as compared to my first attempt. In those three days, I went through almost two complete cycles of zen sitting, chanting, bowing, eating, dharma talks, basically zen living in almost total silence. I even had to attend interviews (小參) with the zen teacher.

Eating
Me and my friends got to the zen centre at around 5pm. The other participants were already there and were being briefed on the zen eating formalities. I joined in and was quite amused by the fuss over such a simple thing as eating.

We each were issued a set of bowls, a pair of chopsticks plus two cloths, a small one for wiping and a big one for wrapping up the bowls and we had to eat with that same set of bowls for every meal. We sit in groups of six in a table and food was passed around in a systematic manner. Any food that we took had to be consumed, nothing wasted. After we finished our food, we used some hot water and a slice of cucumber to ‘wash’ the bowls. We then had to eat the cucumber and drink up the water as well, wipe the bowls dry with the small cloth then bundle everything up with the big cloth. The bowls were not washed throughout the retreat…hehehe!

I know some of you must be frowning but it wasn’t really that bad. I think the training was to make us less picky about eating and treasure every drop, every speck that can be eaten. Also, it advocates together action. Everyone had to eat together and wait for everyone to finish before we can clean the bowls. But slow eaters may feel the pressure because everyone could have finished their food and be waiting for just that one person to finish up before we could commence ‘washing’.

Sleeping and Waking
We had to get up at 4am everyday. That of course meant we slept early too. Normally we’ll be in bed before 10pm. Someone will ring a bell at exactly 4am in the morning to wake us up so no alarm clocks needed. I was actually quite glad to hear the bell every morning because I had a tough time falling asleep on the hard surface and spent most of the night tossing and turning. Upon hearing the bell, everyone had to get up, quickly wash up and by 4.20am, be seated on our zen cushion at the meditation hall for the first sitting.

Sitting
I love the first sitting of the day. The sky is still dark, the air is thin and cool, gives a calm feeling I rarely experience back home… so serene. It’s so quiet that it makes me feel I’ve got the ears of a dog because I can pick up every single sound from the nature…the crickets, the lizards and something else that goes “qwuck, qwuck, qwuck, qwuck” while we were meditating.

At every sitting, the chugpi master will hit the chugpi (something that looks like a bamboo but split open on one end) three times, “piak, piak, piak” to signal the commencement of the session and will do the same at the end of the 40min session. I noticed that during the first sitting, whenever he hit the chugpi, something in the natural habitat will imitate the sound and go “qwuck, qwuck, qwuck, qwuck” I had to control my laughter each time I heard the sound otherwise I may be whacked on the head by the chugpi master…muahaha! Hmm…what could that sound be? Could it be the sound of toads? O_o

The chugpi master also had the duty to go round and hit meditators on their back with a long stick that looks a bit like a ruler whenever anyone felt sleepy or needed a ‘massage’ on the back. I noticed that he enforced two types of hitting. One goes like ‘piak, piak’ but another goes ‘PIAK! PIAK!’…really loud. Hmmm…must be different treatment for male and female meditators I guess. Oh yes…the unknown species in the natural habitat went “qwuck, qwuck, qwuck” as well whenever someone got hit. Gee…was I watching my thoughts or observing the sounds. >_<

We had to sit two sessions in the early morning, three more sessions after breakfast, another three more after lunch and one last time before the dharma talk in the evening. Nine times in total if I remember correctly.

Bowing
After the first sitting, we had to do 108 prostrations. I kind of enjoyed this activity as well because it is amazing to see everyone doing the prostrations in such an orderly and uniformed manner. I must say the zen teacher was quite nice by keeping to a slow tempo and not cause undue distress to the older participants. I managed to complete the 108 bows without much panting.

I’ve experienced this activity before but was still quite worried that my leg muscles may ache in the second day and affect my participation in this activity. But surprisingly, I had no problem doing it as well on the second day, thanks to the yoga instructor who taught us some very effective stretching exercises. ^_^

Chanting
I’m never really a sutra person and didn’t really enjoy chanting, especially when I don’t understand what was being chanted. But at the retreat, there wasn’t a choice so I had to keep a just do it mind.

We had morning and evening chanting and actually chanted some sutras in Korean. I remember during my first retreat, I couldn’t follow the Korean chanting and gave up trying so I left the sutra book on the cushion and just held my palms together. But this time round, friends around me told me which page of the book to flip to so I managed to follow through.

Korean chanting is kind of super slow. I’ve heard them in some movies but when I had to do it myself, it certainly was quite a challenge because we had to drag each syllable or word for soooooooo long. And we didn’t sound as nice as in the movies…hehe!

Interview
No zen retreat would be complete without an interview with the teacher. This was my first proper interview and the teacher taught me the fundamentals of zen.
“A thousand dharma returns to one. Where does the one return to?” “Piak!”
“What is a dog?” “Piak!”
“Is that all?” “Wow! Wow!”
etc, etc.
I got stuck on the butterfly…hahaha! Need to give him the answer when I next meet him. @_@

After my second interview, I was finally allowed to 下山 or ‘descend from the mountain’ by the zen teacher…yippy!

My Afterthoughts
Those three days were peaceful, quiet and gave me a much needed break from my usual lifestyle. The retreat was definitely challenging and unforgettable. I had to do things which I don’t normally do, dislike to do, never did before. We even experienced water rationing on the first two days due to a shortage of water caused by a burst water pipe.

Living with people, most of whom I don’t know was also a learning experience. When I see them smile, I smile back. No speech needed, just an international body language…smile. When I see someone needing help, just need to go forward and lend a hand. Everyone just helped out in practically everything. Together action.

However, I couldn’t overcome one thought…PAIN! due to the many unprecedented rounds of sitting. It made my ankle and knee joints suffer and that one thought kept appearing in my mind…PAIN PAIN PAIN.

One voice kept telling me “Endure, endure…you can do it.” Another voice told me “It’s too painful, don’t be mad…give up now!” I really wanted to test my endurance to the limit but when I was beginning to sprout cold sweat, the second voice told me I could become a paraplegic if I kept pushing myself to sit in that semi-lotus position without moving. So I listened to that voice and quietly stretched my legs out in front of me every now and then to relieve the pain.

I believe I’ve not been sitting in the correct posture even though I’ve been meditating for so many years. Or, I need more stretching exercises before my sitting. Will need to investigate that.

But Eckhart Tolle has also taught me that “Nothing is more normal than an unwillingness to suffer. If we let go of that unwillingness and instead allow the pain to be there, we may notice a subtle inner separation from the pain. When we suffer consciously, physical pain can quickly burn up the ego in us, since ego consists largely of resistance.”

Ego again. Will need to try it out at the next retreat…but not so soon as yet. Do need a little time to recuperate from this one. But it definitely won’t be my last!

Flowers
I managed to take some pictures of the flowers during the break times. Here they are: